Paul provided birth times for both himself and his girlfriend (click chart to view, but ignore the houses as they may not be accurate) and writes,

We are both very much in love with each other after four years, but each of us, though committed to the other, sometimes worries that the other might be unfaithful. Neither of us believes that he/she will, yet each of us does sometimes worry and at these times our otherwise beautiful relationship suffers. Are there indications that either of us has anything to worry about in our respective charts? Somebody told us there is on both sides, because each of us has a Venus Uranus square.

A Venus-Uranus square does not force you to cheat on your partner. It does suggest that you need to take an unconventional approach to relationships, or that you need a fair amount of space in a partnership, as Uranus rules the need to disrupt the status quo and express one's uniqueness. Venus also rules art and money, so a Venus-Uranus square could just mean that you have unpredictable finances or that you create paintings that challenge the mainstream, for example.

Your Venus in consistent yet possessive Taurus, making a tight 90-degree angle (or square) to Uranus. However, a trine from reliable Saturn to your Venus adds a taste for commitment. Your girlfriend's Venus is in experimental Aquarius, which is more independent than your Venus placement -- but this may just mean that she really needs to spend time with friends. Her love planet is nine degrees away from an exact square to her Uranus, which I think is too large of an orb to take seriously. She may have a wounded sensuality due to her Venus' square to Chiron in Taurus. Her Mars in Pisces is opposed by Saturn, which may put the reigns on her sexual expression. Your girlfriend's Venus is in a tight opposition to your natal Uranus, suggesting a relationship that must accommodate freedom and change.

Any astrological aspect has many forms of expression. Although the signs and house placements/rulerships of the planets provide the details regarding how an aspect manifests in action, we all have the power to make conscious choices. As long as both of you (especially you, with the Taurus Venus) give each other room, you won't feel driven to sleep with someone else just to assert your individuality.

Related posts:

• When you don't identify with your Venus sign
• Does Uranus in the 7th house automatically mean infidelity?

Comment below: Do you have a Venus-Uranus aspect? How do you express it?

Labels: uranus, venus

Once the honeymoon phase is over in a new relationship, how do you keep the fire burning? After the all-consuming passion at the beginning of a partnership fizzles, a routine sets in -- and the rest of life reasserts itself. Work. Kids. Hobbies. Friends. Modern life has a way of sapping our energies, yet without prioritizing the sexual health of a relationship, it risks turning into a comfortable friendship -- something you probably did not anticipate!

Hormones are strong when you first meet someone, but when you've been together for a while, your habits and "ways of being in the world" may sabotage the continuing growth of your relationship. Perhaps you're resistant to the change necessary to cohabitate with someone. Or you keep coming up against old beliefs that you're not lovable. These rigid patterns need to loosen up if we are to make a relationship work over the long haul.

Just as a plant needs sunlight, water and soil to grow and thrive, certain conditions need to be met to maintain a satisfying sexual relationship. Although it is a generalization to state that men are almost always ready to have sex, while a woman needs to feel comfortable or secure first, it's true enough. After all, from an evolutionary perspective, a woman needs to feel confident that she and her baby will be protected, fed and so on.

One key to identifying the preconditions to "keep your plant growing" is to look at your Venus. What sign and house is it in? What aspects (or angles) does it make to other planets? If you've been with someone for five, ten, fifteen years, your Venus needs to continually feel satisfied for you to feel turned on.

If your Venus is in an Air sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), then your mind is the soil that must continually be tilled. Without the sunshine of conversation and a downpour of stimulating ideas, you will feel dry and undernourished. If a partner of seven years no longer interests you intellectually, then your sexual attraction may diminish as well. Flirtatious IMs with coworkers then become a threat to the stability of your relationship, because your plant has given up on the sun and is instead growing towards a full spectrum light bulb.

(I'm not going to provide a breakdown of all twelve Venus placements here. For more on your Venus sign, read the guest post Venus in Love, Mars in Heat. CafeAstrology also covers each Venus sign.)

If your partner doesn't tend to your garden (no, not that garden, although that certainly helps), then communicate your needs. Men can be particularly dense, so you may need to remind your guy several times. Sometimes over many years. If your flower has wilted and you live in a desert of a relationship, then consider planting yourself somewhere else.

First photo by Gaetan Lee, second by mikebaird, both under CC license.

Labels: venus

celine provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My venus is ... opposing saturn.... I couldn't have a long time relationship because of the saturn effect. I have also no planet in my 7th house.... Am I always going to fail in love & money? [edited for clarity]

Saturn opposite Venus is a challenging aspect, but it doesn't mean you're destined to be lonely and bereft. The challenging side of Saturn is its tendency to restrict, block and test. In a stressful aspect like the opposition (a 180-degree angle), Venus' needs to express affection and feel attractive and loved are hindered. The opposition aspect especially manifests in relationships, so you may continually confront harsh authority figures who withdraw their approval. Saturn is the archetype of the father, and since Saturn is the traditional ruler of Aquarius on the cusp of your Fourth House -- which some astrologers correlate with the father -- it is likely that you repeat a rejecting relational pattern that started with him. That is, if your father was withholding, you are drawn to men who seem familiar, and who also give you the cold shoulder. (Venus-Saturn correlates with an attraction to older men or men in positions of authority.)

However, there are positives to Saturn: commitment, duty, responsibility, seriousness. Astrologers often say that those with challenging Saturn-Venus aspects find love later in life, because Saturn is the planet of delay. Regardless, it is simply part of your path to master the obstacle course of love, and through confronting this hardship, you become very clear about what you need (and refuse to put up with) in relationship. Venus is the planet of value and self-worth, so put in some serious effort to build up your self-esteem, so that you don't feel you have to prove your value to a man.

You are currently undergoing your Saturn Return -- when Saturn returns to its original position in the zodiac when you were born -- and this planet is also opposing your natal Venus by transit. In essence, you are going through a period of maturity in which you need to let go of patterns that weigh you down. I suggest you do some writing to analyze your relational patterns. Through taking an inventory of yourself, you become more aware of what's holding you back from a satisfying love life.

Related post: Honoring Saturn and Venus

Labels: saturn, venus

On Wednesday, Venus sextiles Neptune. The planet of love is in sporty, outgoing Sagittarius. Making a soft 60-degree angle to Neptune -- planet of spiritual transcendence and cheap wine -- she indulges in dreams of romance without getting too bogged down in emotional goo. However, her fantasies grow to ever-expanding proportions ... and when she finds out the guy she met online isn't a lacrosse-loving grad student but a pudgy accountant, she throws her Sidekick into her gym bag and swears off e-romance.

On Saturday, the planetary lovers face off. Mars finally backstepped out of Cancer into Gemini around the New Year. Although he's still retrograde, at least he doesn't have to hold his tongue lest he offend his mother. Nonetheless, he may be too busy burning old love letters to be totally present to Venus.

Venus opposite Mars is a steamy combination, but these planets are in the signs of ideas and facts, Sagittarius and Gemini. Venus -- when she can stay still -- wants to know "where it's going" and needs to see the how the relationship fits into the larger scheme of things. If she doesn't feel the partnership is meaningful, what's keeping her in it? (Other than the fact that her partner makes her laugh.) Meanwhile, Mars responds with sarcasm while still thinking about his ex.

First photo by Librarian Avenger, second by Patrick Doheny, both under CC license.

Labels: mars, venus

I've lived in lesbian zones throughout my adulthood, from Ithaca NY and San Francisco to Brooklyn, where I recently moved from Dyke Slope to Windsor Terrace.

In light of my recent posts on Venus and Mars, I've been wondering about queer couples, and androgyny in general. (Not that they are necessarily related.) Although it is a stereotype to say that lesbians take on masculine characteristics and that gay men take on feminine characteristics, many gays and lesbians genderbend or crossover into opposite-gender mannerisms. Yet there are also lipstick lesbians and bears. I once had a lesbian psychotherapy client who was so ultra-feminine (Venus in Leo, by the way) that my experience with her totally shifted my perceptions about queerness.

And then there are straight people. According to my poll results, Mars in Virgo in a woman's chart won the most votes for attraction to a "feminine" heterosexual man. (Virgo is an earth sign with a feminine/negative/yin polarity, frequently associated with prissiness.) Many straights don't feel comfortable with the rigid behavioral scripts associated with their own gender. Some people have assumed I'm gay because I have some feminine mannerisms. My wife rarely ever wears skirts or dresses, and she's a better fixer-upper than I am. My daughter feels uncomfortable with the "girly girls" in fourth grade.

There is a fluidity to gender, and we ought not judge people based on how they "act out" their Venus and Mars. A butch dyke may feel more comfortable asserting her Mars and finding Venus in a feminine girlfriend. A straight "metrosexual" man may embrace his Venus while still feeling comfortable using his Mars to make the first move with women. (Or not.) A lipstick lesbian may identify as much with Venus as a straight "girly girl," yet project her Mars onto a woman instead of a man. A man who has sex with men may shun his Venus, while a gay man may embrace his inner queen.

We all have Venus and Mars in our charts. Just as the horoscope does not tell whether we're male or female, it may not indicate the degree to which we identify with either or both of these archetypes, or how much we project these archetypes onto others. Personally, I'm all for "owning" both Venus and Mars in one's chart. To the degree that you don't consciously express a planetary archetype, you will seek its expression in the environment -- especially via an attraction to people who embody that planet for you.

Looking at Jung's formulation of anima and animus, it would appear that a man who has not integrated his anima will be attracted to a hyper-feminine woman (SuperVenus!). Similarly, a woman who has not integrated her animus will be attracted to super-alpha-Rambo-men. Although there is nothing wrong with attraction to someone who displays exaggerated characteristics of Venus or Mars (as they are defined in one's culture), this attraction may suggest that one is not sufficiently in touch with his or her own opposite-gender planet (male/Venus, female/Mars) and hence needs to find its expression through a partner to feel whole or complete.

I'm not saying that if you truly "own" both Venus and Mars, you won't be attracted to anyone anymore. Simply that -- through study of your natal chart -- you can find ways to consciously express your opposite-gender planet to develop into a fuller human being.

First photo by skrufi, second photo by bobster1985 under CC license.

Labels: mars, venus

We all have a "type," an idealized image of a man or woman. This attraction matches an archetypal pattern within ourselves, corresponding with Venus or Mars. Yet, often who we end up with more closely matches the Moon or Sun in our charts. I like to think of these four planets as symbolic of the four people cards of each suit in the Tarot. Venus is the princess or page, Mars is the prince or knight, the Moon is the queen, and the Sun is the king. When we are young, we are drawn to the princess and prince archetypes, but as we age, we ultimately settle down with the queen or king. Astrologically, a straight woman may fall for Mars but end up with her Sun, while a straight man may fall for Venus but end up with his Moon. (Many articles about the astrology of same-sex love can be found at astroqueer. I'm assuming if you're a gay man you'd look at Mars and the Sun, and Venus/Moon if you're a lesbian, but some would argue that many of the asteroid goddesses are relevant for the latter.)

In the comments section of Do you love your man for your Venus, BalancedSag writes

I definitely get really close and bonded with a venus/talking/communicating type of guy, and then end up with a mars/masculine type somehow instead EVERY TIME.... Maybe its that I am a fire sign and the masculine type of guy (cave man) moves that fire in me more. It is not always worth it though. The water in me (scorpio) ends up feeling soooo neglected (like right now, for example!!).

Even though she feels close to Mars in Scorpio (a feminine polarity Water sign), she ends up with her Sun in Sagittarius (a masculine polarity Fire sign).

A Personal Example

I have Pluto opposite Venus in Pisces. I've had a pattern of being consumed with wispy, willowy artist/poet/dancer types, yet the woman I've ultimately chosen to be with has a chart congruent with my Sixth House unaspected Moon in Aquarius. She's smart, independent and unconventional (Sun square Uranus, the modern ruler of Aquarius) and very focused on health and order/organization (Venus in Virgo, several Sixth House planets).

You're Not My Type

When you automatically refuse someone's advances because he doesn't fit the image of who you want, which part of your chart is talking? And how do you even know who's good for you? Maybe being with your Moon or Sun scares you, and you'd rather be with Venus or Mars. One reason for this fear may be that the Sun and Moon are the archetypes of the father and mother. Does a guy really want a girl just like the girl who married dear old Dad? It is actually all too easy to choose someone similar to a parent because your mother or father forms the template by which you understand and judge adults of the gender to whom you are attracted.

Of course, different planets express their needs depending on your life priorities. If your biological clock is ticking, you're coming from your Moon, and looking more for a Sun than a Mars. If you're looking for adventure and excitement, you may be looking for Mars instead of a Sun. Likewise, a guy may search for the Moon when he wants to settle down and start a family, after he has sowed his wild oats with multiple Venuses. (Or he just stays with his wife and cheats on her with a younger woman.)

These are grand generalizations, and the astrology of desire and mating is more complex than outlined above. But I'd love to hear thoughts!

Comment below: If you're a woman, what are your Mars and Sun signs, what kind of guy are you attracted to, and what decade of life are you in? And if you're a guy, what are your Venus and Moon signs?

First photo by brokenchopstick, second by Dianna Williams under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, sun, venus

Many women don't want to put with a guy who doesn't appreciate her Mars, whether she likes to spar or play Halo. We are no longer confined to rigid fifties era gender roles, but people vary in the degree to which they successfully integrate their masculine and feminine selves. I've written elsewhere about men's ability to be with their feelings, suggesting that guys are still raised to choose the rational over the emotional. The article was a reaction to a woman's comment on this blog about her Cancer boyfriend's crying. If women want to be embraced for their masculine tendencies, shouldn't men be embraced equally for their feminine sides?

The feminine planets

There are two planets that symbolize the feminine: the Moon and Venus. Crying would fit under the Moon. This celestial body relates to the instinct to nurture, to belong. The Moon governs habits, instinctual responses, what makes us feel comfortable. Some lunar qualities don't really correspond to gender, yet others -- like "mothering" and having a strong feeling life -- are traditionally feminine. In a man's chart, the Moon may signify the wife.

Venus signifies the young woman to whom a man is attracted. But this planet is much more than that. In addition to governing relationships, Venus is all about charm, compromise, the ability to attract and seduce. This planet also relates to our values and preferences -- what we love. Venus is an "art" planet, and often a prominent Venus will correspond with artistic or musical talent, as She rules aesthetics, beauty and graceful form.

No doubt, a man who exhibits grace, manners and charm can be quite attractive (think Libra, which is ruled by Venus). Yet, via our cultural definitions, when does a man's Venusian side get characterized pejoratively as feminine? Homophobia is still widespread, and combined with sexism, a man's limp wrist or exquisite fashion sense may be seen as less "manly." Witness the metrosexual craze a few years ago, when a hetero guy got manicures and spent $200 on jeans. Just by virtue of taking care of his looks, doubt was cast upon his sexuality. Some women find this hot, yet others are attracted to a "guy's guy."

The devaluation of the feminine

We still live in a patriarchy, in which men have more power (and hence value) than women. Hence, it may be more "OK" for a woman to get a black belt in karate or play World of Warcraft than for a guy to get a facial and spent lots of money on hair products, or for a boy to go to ballet class. I (Sun, Mercury and Venus in Pisces) have always gravitated towards fields that are dominated by women: literary magazine in high school, counseling psychology in grad school, astrology later in life, expressive dance throughout my adulthood. And as "valuable" as literature, education, social work and the arts are, they don't pay. Big business and engineering do. Do you see a pattern? If teachers hold the key to our children's futures, why are their salaries so low? Could it be because they are predominantly women?

Nurturing and beauty, the Moon and Venus. Men need both, but they detach themselves from integrating these archetypes, choosing instead to get their lunar and Venusian needs met through women -- going for trophy wives, arm candy (objectification of women) or looking to their wives and girlfriends to "mommy" them instead of finding ways to express their own nurturing and aesthetic impulses.

So, the question is: What are women's attitudes towards men who are able to integrate these qualities, even if it makes them apparently less "manly" according to our rigid cultural stereotypes? And is this just an "American" thing? Please share your thoughts below.

Photos by icanteachyouhowtodoit under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, venus

Women are often raised to attract men with their Venus, via clothing and cosmetics, flirtation and femininity. But gender roles are in flux, and many females don't want to be stuck on the receiving end of relationships, waiting for the man to make the first move.

However, a guy frequently want to be in the driver's seat, and may be put off by a woman asking him out. (Since he can no longer hunt for boar, he needs a challenge!) But where does that leave the woman, who's itching to let out her Mars? Does she wait until she's already firmly ensconced in a relationship to express her assertiveness and competitive drive?

Traditionally, a woman's Mars signifies the type of man to whom she is attracted. But if she simply lets a guy "own" her Mars, then she has abdicated this vital part of herself to another. She cannot be a whole person if she always lets her man fix the sink or argue with the phone company for overbilling ... unless she also takes on some "masculine" traits.

At the other end of the Venus/Mars spectrum is being "one of the boys." Hanging out, drinking beers, playing Xbox ... yet not being recognized as feminine and wondering why she's not getting dates. It seems like a delicate balancing act, being able to attract without being passive, being able to hang loose with the guys while still being seen as a woman.

The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung coined the term animus possessed to refer to women who"live their lives according to the archetypal masculine principles of order, efficiency and perfection, as opposed to allowing themselves and their lives simply 'to be' as they are. These are the women who seek power rather than love--their intellectualized ambition keeping them ever-striving, with no energy left to be alive." [from Dancing in the Shadows by Laura Bryannan]

However, there has been criticism of the inherent sexism of Jung's characterization, which suggests that there is something pathological about a woman who strives for success and chooses logic over emotions. Surely, a woman can express her Mars without being judged?

Knowing when to play the Venus card or Mars card seems to be the key to relationship satisfaction. Sometimes it works to be the coquette, other times the tigress. Attract without letting someone overstep boundaries. Kick butt at the karate dojo yet do t'ai chi in the bedroom.

Unless your guy likes to be treated rough.

Comment below: How do you modulate the expression of your Venus and Mars?

Related posts:

• Venus in Love, Mars in Heat
• When you don't identify with your Venus sign
• Think with your Venus
  

First photo by MegElizabeth_, second by porcelaingirl via CC License.

Labels: astrology, mars, venus

The sign your Venus is in shows how you attract people. But what if you just don't identify with what the astrology books say about your Venus sign? (Read Venus in Love, Mars in Heat to learn more about what your Venus sign means.)

When Venus is in a different sign than the Sun

One form of "dissonance" occurs when your Venus is in a different sign than your Sun. The Sun is your conscious identity, your will. If your Venus is in the sign immediately before or after your Sun sign, then your love planet attracts in a manner incompatible with what you intentionally strive for. If your Venus is two signs away from your Sun, their expressions are more compatible, because they are both either yang/masculine (Fire and Air signs) or yin/feminine (Earth and Water signs.) And if your Sun and Venus are in the same sign, then their expressions are congruent.

A quick example: Say you're a woman with Sun in Aries and Venus in Pisces, the sign immediately preceding Aries. You're direct and impulsive, you know what you want and you go for it. Yet when it comes to attracting potential partners, you tend to be more passive and hard-to-grasp. The Venusian part of yourself feels at odds with how you identify yourself. Frustrating!

(I have also written a post about Venus in Cancer and the five Sun signs that can accompany this placement.)

When Venus makes a hard aspect to an outer planet

Your Venus' expression, however, can be totally disrupted when one of the outermost planets (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune or Pluto) makes a stressful angle to it. The most stressful aspects are typically squares (when two planets make an approximately 90 degree angle to each other) and oppositions (when two planets make an approximately 180 degree angle to each other).

I've already written about Saturn in aspect to Venus. In general, an outer planet's hard aspect to Venus overwhelms her expression -- both by adding its own powerful influence and by possibly bringing out the worst of the zodiac sign in which Venus is placed.

An example: Say you were born when Uranus was in Libra (circa 1968 - 1975) and your Venus is in Cancer. If these two planets are within 8 degrees of a 90-degree angle, then they are square by aspect.

Venus in Cancer attracts by caretaking and nurturing, and is generally conservative in nature, valuing the past and family traditions. Yet Uranus blows Venus out of the water! This outer planet disrupts the status quo and urges you towards independence. One part of you wants to settle down with your boyfriend and make him a quilt, while the other insists on the freedom to do what you want, even if your actions challenge traditional notions of partnership.

See? You're a hard nut to crack. And I haven't even mentioned Venus' house placement!

Know Your Chart

It's easy to get overwhelmed when you realize that you can't understand your "powers of attraction" just by looking at your Venus sign. But you can't simplify desire! Do yourself a favor and either learn your chart, consult a professional astrologer, or purchase an astrology report to understand yourself better.

Comment below: Share your Venus sign, Sun sign and hard aspects to Venus from other planets. How do you make sense of your powers of attraction?

First photo by Catnip Intoxicating, second photo by cynicaloptimist, third photo by Dazzie D, all under CC license.

Labels: astrology, venus

I first heard the Gretchen Wilson song 'If You Want a Mother' a few days ago, and I found the lyrics amusing. (Read them above in the widget.) It is not uncommon for a man who has been coddled by his mother to expect similar treatment from his wife. However, a woman does not want her husband to be a son, she wants him to be a man. And she is not turned on by taking care of someone who does not own up to the responsibilities of being an adult.

In this song, Gretchen sings that if her guy wants her to be a mother, he needs to be home by nine or else he's "grounded for the weekend." In addition, "big boys have to sleep in their own bed," so she'll tuck him in, but she sure as hell ain't giving him her Venus.

And isn't that what it's about, the split between the Moon (mother/child bond) and Venus (adult pleasures)? In a man's chart, the Moon symbolizes the wife and Venus symbolizes the hot young thang. How does he integrate these two archetypal images?

Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, we all pretty much want both in a relationship: to be nurtured and cared for, and to have hot sex. Some guys experience the Madonna/Whore split: The wife becomes a mother, and he has difficulty perceiving her as a sexually desirable person ... so he finds a mistress instead to meet his Venusian needs.

Read The Moon-Venus Conflict for more on the Madonna/Whore split. And for more on the eternal boy, read Peter Pan and Wendy, Gemini and Cancer.

Comment below: How do you experience men who look to you to be mothered, and how do you respond to them?

Labels: astrology, moon, venus

The following guest post is by Neith aka Diane Lang.

We are all familiar with the reaction when someone says they have the Sun in Scorpio, but there are other less obvious ways the same energy crops up in natal charts. Those of us who have a strong Pluto influence (for example, a loaded Eighth House, Pluto in aspect to personal planets or Scorpio Rising) can also act a lot like those Scorpio Sun types. I will use an example from my own life to illustrate this . . .

I am a Libra Sun, Libra Moon person with Venus in Sagittarius in the First House. This translates as a pleasant, friendly sort with a charming manner. When I was young, it meant long blond hair, a casual sporty style and a breezy, easy going way about me – Sagittarius bait in essence! The catch is that I have Mars and Mercury in Scorpio conjunct my Scorpio Ascendant, with Pluto squaring my Mars. Throw in a Pluto sextile Moon aspect, and you have a Plutonian type. This meant the exterior was far different from what was going on inside. Now I could also project the Scorpio Rising pretty effectively too, notably when I was angry about something.

Sagittarians love the chase far more than the capture, and if you want to keep their interest, you just need to stay ever so slightly out of reach. There was one Sagittarius guy that was drawn to the Venus in Sagittarius style, and flirted with me like crazy when I was out partying with a girl friend. I found him equally attractive, so I came back another time and started chatting him up. The minute he got wind of the Scorpio intensity, he ran so fast all I saw were hoof prints in the dirt and the bushes waving from the breeze created by his departure.

The moral of this tale is this: If you have lots of Pluto aspects, a loaded Eighth House or Scorpio Rising, even if you are a sweetheart of a Libra, lighthearted Gemini, fun-loving Leo or some other harmless looking sort, you are not nearly the lightweight you appear. So don’t be surprised that when you unveil your natural intensity, you get a different reaction than anticipated. Oh, one other thing ... if you are a Plutonian, it is a good idea to start working on accepting that side of yourself without prejudice and acknowledging you are one of the power-brokers of the Zodiac. There are plenty of rewards . . . = smirk=

About the Author
Neith AKA Diane Lang writes a blog on Synastry at Neith on Synastry, where she writes posts answering relationship questions from readers and does the occasional post on how the outer planets in particular affect our ability to relate. She also has another blog, Neith.net, which covers a broad range of topics relating to Astrology and her life. If you enjoy her style and are interested in having her take a look at your chart, she does written reports for a reasonable fee too.

Related posts:

• Pluto problems in relationships
• Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems
• Pluto vs. Neptune: How do you process your emotions?

Comment below: Are you a Plutonic person? How does this aspect of yourself conflict with other elements of your chart?

Labels: libra, pluto, sagittarius, scorpio, venus

The following guest post is by Matthew Currie.

Halloween is approaching -- that night when North American children dress up in strange costumes and extort candy from the neighbors. As festive occasions go, it's pretty straightforward: the kids go door to door, they look cute, they're rewarded with treats. Sometimes it's the good stuff ... sometimes it's really bad crap that's only good for throwing at people.

Sounds a little like dating, doesn't it?

If you're reading this blog, odds are good you have at least a passing familiarity with your Sun Sign and your Moon Sign. As seduction techniques, playing to those factors in your chart can be very effective. But let's not forget about your Venus, either. There's a tendency to look at a person's Venus as if it were some sort of passive love-receiver. But if your Venus is part of your personal charm, I say put it to work. You might be surprised at the results. Think of it as an extra spin you can put on your persona -- the appealing wrapper you come in, so to speak.

Here's how the twelve Venus signs would dress for Halloween, going door to door looking for that perfect man-candy. Go ahead, play it up. You might get quite the treat...

Aries - Wonder Woman. You're bold, you're daring, and you don't take any crap. It's the discerning man who develops a taste for The Queen Of Amazonia, and the lucky one who who can keep up with her. And what man worth the time doesn't love that kind of challenge?

Taurus - Raggedy Ann. So sweet and cuddly and undeniably girly. A little bit old-fashioned, the kind of girl that Mom would approve of, but in a good way. This is the kind of woman who understands how the scent of freshly baked chocolate cookies -- figuratively or literally -- works like a pheromone on men. The woman for men who really like women.

Gemini - Clown. You're funny. You have a light touch, and a certain universal appeal. Never forget than when a man is looking for a new relationship, he's also looking for fun, in one sense or another. And that sparkling wit and liveliness may be exactly what he's looking for.

Cancer - Pirate. When you love, it's as deep as the sea itself. And that peculiar openness/defensiveness you have can be a call to adventure for the right man. And, admittedly, you can be a challenge to a man who's sailing the smooth seas of singlehood for too long. Ahrrr! Make up you own "booty" joke.

Leo - Cheerleader. 2, 4, 6, 8? What do men really appreciate? Showmanship! Showmanship! Rah rah rah! And what real man, with a little encouragement, can resist the urge to run the ball down field? There's a reason cheer-leading is so popular -- and it ain't got nothing to do with sports, Sister. It's the show.

Virgo - Nurse. So kind, so patient, so caring. Yes, there's a certain facade of professional detachment, but that can only increase the thrill of getting past that uniform. This is an incredibly subtle, feminine placement. Used wisely, it can drive a man absolutely bonkers ... in a good way.

Libra - Bunny. Cute friendly affectionate bunny! Who couldn't love that? Bunnies don't threaten or coerce anyone, and that's why people love them so much. You can only look at that sort of thing for so long before someone wants to pet it. Also, bunnies have a reputation for something else -- but we'll get into that later...

Scorpio - Witch. Not the scary, creepy kind -- the one with the black fishnets on. Mysterious and powerful, and not afraid to reach into her big bag of tricks to get what she wants. Men used to be scared of witches for the power they represented -- nowadays, the smart ones want in on the secret. Use that.

Sagittarius - Cowgirl. Yee-ha! We're having a good time now! Sporty (even if you aren't into sports) and adventurous (even if it's just your taste in reading material). If every man is just an overgrown boy, you're the kind of girl he would have imagined himself with when he was five. Now he's all grown up, and he likes girls. Ride 'em!

Capricorn - Hooker. In control, aware of your assets, and straight to the point. You have an ability to scope out what you want from the crowd and walk right up to it. You can turn a tasteful pair of heels into the husky click that hypnotizes its prey. You know why hookers dress the way they do? It's efficient. It works. Duh.

Aquarius - Alien. Different. Not from around here. Intriguing as hell. Venus in Aquarius types have a reputation for being detached and hard to figure out, compared to their sisters -- but it's that kind of mystery and sense of exploration that landed men on the Moon. And there are still plenty of explorers out there who'd love to plant their flag on you.

Pisces - Hippie Chick. Dreamy, hazy, and all about the love, baby. You've got that deep and dreamy look in those big dewey eyes of yours. They're incredibly feminine, and a single look from them goes a long way. Generally speaking, men don't read romance novels. Let them read you instead. It's the same thing, only less embarrassing to be caught doing in front of his pals.

Now go out there and have some fun. And brush your teeth -- all that romance could lead to cavities.

About the Author
Matthew Currie has been a professional astrologer and counselor for twenty years, with numerous appearances on television and radio. Drop by his web site and feel free to pet the monkey. He's friendly.

Comment below: What will you dress up as for Halloween?

Labels: astrology, venus

In a man's chart, Venus represents the type of (young) woman to whom he is attracted. The mythological Venus is Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. The planetary Venus does not travel beyond two zodiac signs from one's Sun, meaning that a man with Venus in Cancer can only be a Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo or Virgo.

In general, this man will be drawn to a maternal type, a woman who will nurture him with her cooking or with her sensitive attendance to his emotional needs. The Cancer figure tends to be on the shapely side -- think of the stereotypical mother's warm bosom.

A Cancer man will obviously be the most straightforward to please in this manner, as his Venus seeks similar expression to his Sun. However, when a man's Sun sign is different than his Venus sign, attraction gets more complicated.

A Leo man likes glitz and glamour, and his attraction to a shy, empathic cuddle bunny may be at odds with his desire to be seen in public with a trophy wife who serves as an accessory to boost his image. To attract this type of man, one would need to encase the caretaker in a slinky dress -- to be the wild Moon to his Sun.

A Virgo man may be more comfortable with his Venus in Cancer, as both signs are on the introverted side. However, his critical tendencies and analytical mindframe are not at home in the world of emotions. He may project his Venus onto a woman (meaning that he disowns his Venus and makes a woman "take the Cancer on" for him) and then end up hurting her feelings by picking her apart. To attract this type of man, one would need to have enough self-confidence to not take his feedback personally, yet be receptive to his home cooking reviews ... if they have any merit.

A Gemini man may have a hard time incorporating his Venus in Cancer because his propensity towards variety and exploration threatens the part of him that craves emotional security. He consciously wants to play the field, yet he's drawn to a woman who wants him to stay at home with her to watch the Lifetime channel. To attract this type of man, one needs to be able to be caring without being smothering, and to provide a home base without insisting that he's home all the time.

A Taurus man may have the easiest time with his Venus in Cancer (other than the Cancer man). Both Taurus and Cancer crave security and safety. Taurus grooves on being fed and nurtured. He may not be as emotional as the woman to whom he is attracted, but if she can translate her love into sensual acts and the creation of home-made knick knacks, she's sure to have his heart.

Labels: astrology, cancer, gemini, leo, taurus, venus, virgo

Around the 13th/14th of this month, Venus retrograde will conjoin Saturn at 27 degree Leo. As much as we want to shine and receive validation for our beauty, our desires are inhibited twice over. Saturn restricts our ability to express affection and feel attractive, and He also brings delay and obstacles to relationship fulfillment. Venus' apparent backwards motion in the sky (retrograde) has a somewhat similar meaning. During a retrograde phase, we go inwards and we focus on the past. "Re Re Re" is the song we sing: re-evaluation of our priorities in partnership; review of old relationships; reminders of the past. Exes contact us out of nowhere, and we may do the same. Additionally, this retrograde doubles the Saturn influence because pleasure is postponed¹. It is difficult to move forward in matters of love and sex when Venus is moving backwards and Saturn is pressing us to assess what really matters in our relationships.

The ultimate reward for this work is that -- once Venus moves direct and is finally past Saturn (around October 15) -- we really know what we want when it comes to love.

1. Thanks to Jeff Jawer for this insight.

Labels: saturn, venus

The following post is by Jara aka BlahBlah (Venus in Gemini, Mars in Gemini). Jeff will be back on Friday.

Do you ever wonder why the person you're attracted to isn't reciprocating your feelings? Or why the person who you couldn't care less about keeps following you around like a lost puppy? We can look to the placements of our Venus and Mars for answers to these (and other) questions. Which sign Venus is in tells us our ideal of love, how we attract (and express) love, and how we want to receive love. The sign in which Mars falls tells us how we exert our energy to attain what attracts us.

Here's a rundown of how feminine Venus and masculine Mars work together as a team to help us get (Mars) what we want (Venus) in matters of love and sex (keep in mind that most people have Venus and Mars in different signs, so mix-and-match "teammates" is highly likely).

Disclaimer: There are others astrological indicators of love and sex styles, but this entry is only discussing Venus and Mars.

Note: In a woman's chart, her Venus sign represents her love style, while her Mars sign represents the type of man that makes her feel ... lusty. In a man's chart, his Venus sign represents the woman in his fantasies, while his Mars sign represents how he tries to persuade a woman to choose him (for sex, love, whatever).

Team Aries

Venus in Aries: believes love should happen at first sight; likes independent, go-getters; enjoys chasing and being chased; attracts love by inspiring/encouraging suitors to pursue and "win" her; flirts by teasing and picking fights; expects to be #1 in the relationship (and in her partner's life) or will lose interest quickly; arguing and friendly competition is an aphrodisiac

Mars in Aries: boldly pursues object of affection using a direct approach; actively demonstrates his prowess in anything, acts adventurous, and is more than willing to compete for affection; arguing and/or physical fighting is instant foreplay; initiates a lot of right-now, anywhere-goes quickie sex

Team Taurus

Venus in Taurus: believes love should come after a lot of long-term consideration; likes (and is impressed by) wealthy people; attracts love by being emotionally stable and having consistent habits; flirts by providing physical comfort; wants to feel secure in relationships and "know where this is going"; rich, comfort foods, receiving massages, listening to music, and fragrances that smell like something edible (mmm vanilla!) are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Taurus: slowly pursues the object of affection using a persistent approach; acts like the typical strong, silent type; talks about his goals/plans or shows off his nice possessions when he's attracted to someone, and may even present his credit report as proof of his financial stability and ability while asking for a date or during a marriage proposal (yes, I'm exaggerating here); gives massages, long embraces, and slow kisses as foreplay; initiates steady, lasts-all-night sex

Team Gemini

Venus in Gemini: believes love should mean never having to say, "I'm bored"; likes quotable, multifaceted people who have lots of diverse interests; attracts love by being infinitely entertaining; flirts by sharing thoughts & feelings and assigning pet names; wants 24/7 communication accessibility in relationships; variety, unpredictability, and verbal/written expressions of love are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Gemini: sporadically pursues object of affection using a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't approach; attracts attention by making clever observations and extending invitations to fun and/or interesting events; provides playful, sarcastic teasing, writing/reading erotic letters, and sexually suggestive phone conversations as foreplay; initiates quick, multiple-session sex

Team Cancer

Venus in Cancer: believes love should be nurturing; likes people who need mothering (or who are mothering) and are appreciative of her efforts; attracts love by making people feel cozy and sheltered; expresses love by feeding and/or cooking for someone, remembering preferences, giving thoughtful tokens of affection; wants interdependence in relationships; emotional bonding and cuddling are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Cancer: haltingly pursues object of affection using a zig-zag, sideways, 2-steps-forward-1-step-backward approach; acts shy and quiet, but will adamantly defend a loved one against outsiders to show interest; providing a shoulder to lean (or cry) on, hugs, and cooking for someone/taking someone out to dinner are foreplay; initiates cuddling-that-hopefully-leads-to-sex sex

Team Leo

Venus in Leo: believes love should ALWAYS consist of romance, drama, fun, and loyalty; likes people who stand out in socially acceptable ways (e.g., extremely attractive, owns/wears impressive things, speaks dramatically, has unique creative talents, etc.); attracts love by playing up strengths and downplaying weaknesses, and inspiring chivalry; flirts by complimenting; wants consistent (inconsistent doesn't count!), emotionally-moving displays of appreciation and gratitude in relationships; receiving awe-inspiring gifts and positive, focused attention from an audience (e.g., mirrors, cameras, other people in the room) are aphrodisiacs (Btw, it's no coincidence that this Venus description is the longest of them all. *wink*)

Mars in Leo: enthusiastically pursues object of affection using a confident, showy approach; acts like he's the best at whatever, whenever, wherever ALL THE TIME, his gallantly dramatic displays of affection, his flattery, his style of presentation, his…well, just being with HIM in all of his glory is the foreplay, this Mars placement is the rock & roll icon and his lover better act like his groupie or else; initiates look-at-me, I'm-on-stage sex

Team Virgo

Venus in Virgo: believes love should involve making a commitment to take care of someone else; likes hard-workers who pay attention to details (conversely, is also attracted to flawed, disorganized partners that need fixing); attracts love by handling all of the "dirty work" in a partner's life; flirts by making analytical observations, self-deprecating humor, or offering self-improvement advice; wants to feel needed and useful in relationships; good hygiene, a neat appearance, and an orderly environment are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Virgo: methodically pursues object of affection using a logical, organized approach; demonstrates ability to efficiently execute plans and complete tasks correctly to impress; spends a lot of time translating ideas into reality by making sure every seduction detail is just right; initiates technically proficient, nervous-tension-relieving sex

Team Libra

Venus in Libra: believes love should = 50/50 partnership + 24/7 romance; likes attractive, intelligent, and sociable people; attracts love by being charming company, understanding and attentive; expresses love through consideration and negotiating compromises, and thinking in "us" and "we" terms; flirts indiscriminately for attention and popularity; wants equality, romance, and lots of attention in relationships; beauty, making plans as a couple, and the usual romantic clichés (such as rose petals on the bed and long, moonlit walks on the beach) are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Libra: indirectly pursues object of affection using a classy approach; attracts love by being gracious, intellectually stimulating, and presenting ideas as win-win situations; foreplay is poetry, dinner, dancing, conversation, kissing, tickling, and soft love-bites; initiates romantic, sugar-and-spice "lovemaking" (Someone with Venus in Libra probably coined this term.)

Team Scorpio

Venus in Scorpio: believes love should be passionate, intense, and life-altering; likes to associate with powerful people whose sexuality comes in contradictory layers (e.g., dresses provocatively but is a virgin, looks understated but moves like a stripper in private); expresses love by keeping a mate's secrets, developing an emotional bond, and not wanting to share the partner's affection; flirts through seduction; wants to have control and trust in a relationship; a strong sex drive, instant chemistry, intensity, and loyalty are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Scorpio: obsessively pursues object of desire using a strategic approach; attracts love by getting people to let down their guards, providing emotional therapy, and delivering on unspoken promises of provocative sex; foreplay is continuous, penetrating eye contact, caressing, and anything oral; initiates all-consuming, us-against-the-world sex

Team Sagittarius

Venus in Sagittarius: believes love should bring happiness, great times, and good luck; likes outgoing, intelligent, independent, adventurous people; attracts love by being friendly, fun-loving, generous, and free-spirited; flirts through friendly conversation and making someone laugh; wants freedom, honesty, few expectations, and undefined commitment in a relationship; visiting exotic places, meeting foreign people, exploring foreign cultures, and different accents are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Sagittarius: optimistically pursues object of affection using a direct approach; acts like a daredevil, plays practical jokes, or extends and wins challenges to an athletic competition to impress someone; laughter and getting naked is foreplay; initiates spontaneous, outdoorsy, on-vacation sex

Team Capricorn

Venus in Capricorn: believes love should make people keep their word; likes responsible, successful people who can help with achieving aspirations; attracts love by being dependable and loyal; shows affection by honoring commitments and not leaving the relationship; flirts by getting straight to the point, assessing a potential mate's value, and showing off their dry wit as they feel more comfortable; wants a solid commitment from the right person in relationships; knowing what's coming next is an aphrodisiac

Mars in Capricorn: gradually pursues object of affection using a goal-oriented approach; acts very self-assured, proper, and guarded when trying to impress someone; a seduction game plan, dominant/submissive role-playing, and spanking is foreplay; initiates straight-to-the-nitty-gritty sex

Team Aquarius

Venus in Aquarius: believes love should be dessert with friendship as the main entrée; likes free-spirited, eccentric people who aren't afraid to go against the status quo; attracts love by being friendly to everyone; flirts by sharing unusual ideas and opinions; wants a best friend, intellectually stimulating company and emotional detachment in relationships; discussing new, inventive ways to have sex is an aphrodisiac

Mars in Aquarius: determinedly pursues object of affection using an original approach; differentiates himself by talking about his principles, beliefs, pet causes, and idiosyncratic preferences when attempting to impress; trying something different is foreplay; initiates taboo, off-the-wall sex

Team Pisces
Venus in Pisces: believes love should be a perfect blend of an intuitive, spiritual bond and romance; likes nonjudgmental, creative people who think and communicate in imaginative ways; attracts love by being infinitely compassionate and seeing the best in people; flirts by developing and acknowledging a special connection; wants empathy, kindness, and sensitivity in relationships; dreamy kisses that cause tingles, foot massages, bubble baths, and mind-altering substances or practices are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Pisces: secretly pursues object of affection using a passive approach; impresses by knowing the right thing to do or say to make someone feel better, sharing psychic insights, and displaying creative talents; dancing, playing music, discussing dreams/innermost feelings, and generally pleasing the other person is foreplay; initiates pleasant vibes, which lead to transcendental, out-of-body-experiences sex.

Since most people don't have Venus and Mars in the same sign, I'll give an example of a mix-and-match Venus and Mars "team." A man with Venus in Libra and Mars in Virgo would most likely be attracted to a beautiful woman with social graces. So far, his Venus & Mars would work well together in that regard, because both Libra and Virgo value keeping up good appearances and following proper etiquette. However, he might experience indecision over whether to woo her by planning their first date down to the tiniest detail (Virgo Mars) or let her make the plans because he really wants her to have a good time on their date (Libra Venus).

Now that we know how Venus and Mars work together, how can we tell the difference between falling in love and falling in lust? How does your Venus and Mars work as a team to help you get what you want in relationships?

Labels: astrology, mars, venus

The following post is by an astrology writer I've long admired, April Elliott Kent. Below, she offers insight into the impact of the current Venus retrograde on readers with their natal Venus in early Virgo or late Leo. (However, the retrograde's lessons will be valuable to everyone.) I will be back on Friday. -- Jeff

Warm thanks to Jeff for inviting me over to tap dance for the troops while he’s away, and greetings to you all! I love what you’ve all done with the place – it’s full of sprightly, civilized conversation about a subject near and dear to all our hearts.

Venus conjunct your natal Venus, of course, is not that big a deal – it happens every year, in fact. We call it a Venus “return”: Venus returns to the same part of the sky that it occupied the moment you first greeted the world with a glad cry. It marks the beginning of a new one-year cycle of relationships, finance, and self-worth. Yes, once a year you get the chance to do a hard refresh of your Venusian browser and get cracking with some hot new Google searches of the heart.

But Venus retrograde conjunct your natal Venus – ah, that’s another kettle of proverbial fish. I don’t know whether your natal Venus is in Virgo or Leo – Venus will retrograde through both signs in the weeks ahead. But I do know that Venus retrogrades through the same sign every eight years, and that the last time Venus retrograde conjuncted your natal Venus was (drum roll, please):

July 30, 1999 (retrograde at 5 Virgo) to September 10, 1999 (direct at 19 Leo)

That corresponds neatly with the current retrograde period: Venus turns retrograde at 3 Virgo (on July 27) and direct at 17 Leo (September 8).

Venus retrograde asks for a reevaluation and contemplation of your attitudes about relationship, money, and values, so take some time in the coming weeks to examine that time in your life. Who were the people that meant the most to you? What was the state of your personal balance sheet? How was your health? The memories may surface slowly, a little reluctantly - Venus Retrograde was square Pluto back in 1999, after all, which means it was probably square (or just finished squaring) your natal Venus [Pluto was at 7 Sag -- ed.]. This is not a formula for happy times and golden memories, even if the ultimate result was profound personal growth. With Pluto out of the picture this time around, though, Venus retrograde conjunct your natal Venus should not be nearly so difficult for you.

Eight years is a long time - long enough to have learned a thing or two about love, money, and what’s really important. But not nearly long enough to have learned everything there is to learn. So over the next six weeks, you’re scheduled for a refresher course on your relationship with the world. Set aside time to be alone with yourself, so you can listen to your body and spirit and really hear the messages that they whisper to you. Be restrained in your spending; before making a purchase, ask yourself if what you’re buying is worth the hours of your life you traded to earn the cash. Clean up your diet, especially if you suffer from touchy digestion or kidney problems.

It’s all too easy to fall into the habit of pursuing what we think we should want, instead of what would truly bring us happiness. The purpose of Venus’ retrograde period is not to punish you by taking away your romance, bling, or nosh; rather, it’s to help you remember what’s right for you – and to help you find your way to the people and things that will make your personal Venus sing.

April Elliott Kent is an astrologer and writer living in San Diego, California. She has published her website, bigskyastrology.com, since 1999, and her astrological writing has also appeared in The Mountain Astrologer, Llewellyn’s Moon Sign Book, and on Mooncircles.com, Beliefnet.com, and AOL Horoscopes. Her book, Star Guide to Weddings, will be published by Llewellyn in February 2008.

Labels: astrology, retrograde, venus

The combination of these two feminine signs can manifest in a number of ways. The Moon symbolizes the mother, the child, the wife, the public. Our needs for belonging, nurturing and safety come under Luna's domain. Venus concerns our values, our sensuality, our erotic connections. She is symbolized by the young woman, the maiden.

Just looking at the characters representing these archetypes, we see a conflict between the mother and the young woman. Liz Greene has written on this in her Seminars in Psychological Astrology series. In a woman's chart, the native may experience a need to push away the mother to develop her own burgeoning sexuality. In a man's chart, the native may experience a split between these two archetypes, resulting in a difficulty in marriage. He may have trouble seeing the erotic maiden in his wife, and attempt to meet these two archetypes in different women. This is a frequent problem, of course, in the male psyche: Once the wife becomes a mother, can he see her as the sexually alluring young woman he met before she became his wife? Or does he seek out a young woman with whom to have an affair, while he maintains a family?

On a more emotional level, there is a conflict between one's emotional needs (Moon) and one's needs for approval (Venus). A native with a Moon-Venus square may give up her emotional needs for sake of being treasured and valued. For example, she may enter into a sexual relationship, while giving up on having her feeling life satisfied by her lover. Or if she chooses a man with whom she can feel "at home," the sex life is virtually nonexistent.

Overall, the challenge of combining family (Moon) and Eros (Venus) is symbolized by this planetary combination. There is a taboo in integrating the two (witness the primal scene of the child walking in on her parents making love), yet sensuality is an undeniable part of the family matrix. The challenge is to bring Eros into the home in an appropriate manner, by knowing where to set the boundaries. Salon.com advice columnist Cary Tennis recently responded to a stepmother who was hot for her 17 year old stepson. Obviously, Cary suggested she be the mother (Moon), not the lover (Venus), while still respecting that it was OK to have those feelings.