anonomys writes,

I'm separated with 2 kids and i joined yahoo personals. This guy Capricorn found me and sent me a wink so i responded and we hit it off instantly!! It's now been a month. he's told me he's scared and he feels comfortable with me. our chemistry is great! the problem is he's separated with 2 boys and i think he might be confused. we've had 4 dates but texting and calling all the time. I feel like i've known him forever and he says the same to me. he also says that it's effortless with me. he told me he doesn't understand how i came into his life. I feel like he does like me and is attracted to me but this past weekend when we were together he left me feeling rejected. We were having sex and he lost his stamina. He continued to be sweet and caress me but then in the morning he became aloof. Then he asked me if i was mad about what happened because i seemed off. I responded no and left soon after. He walked me out, kissed me, and hasn't called me since. That was yesterday morning. He hasn't missed a day yet.

I know he's confused and he has a lot on his plate. i don't know what to do. i'm not going to contact him. is that right? do you think he'll contact me or is he cutting his loses? if i don't hear from him, should i let him know how i felt?

Your Capricorn boyfriend (view chart) has Mars -- planet of sexuality and the male ego -- in well-controlled (and long-lasting) Scorpio. With a placement like this, it is possible that losing his erection during the sexual act is a rare occurrence. Scorpio is a fixed sign, which suggests determination and the ability to "carry it through" until the end.

There are many reasons why a guy might lose his hard-on. Anxiety is a frequent cause. He may have put pressure on himself to perform -- and as a Capricorn, he probably has high expectations of himself. But sometimes a guy can lose it if the moment just doesn't feel right -- his body simply communicates his feelings about the relationship.

Over the weekend, there was a Grand Earth Trine, which means that three planets were in Earth signs, all making supportive 120-degree angles to each other. Pluto has recently entered Capricorn, Saturn just stationed direct at 1 degree Virgo, and Venus recently entered Taurus. Your guy's Mars is at 1 degree Scorpio, so Venus opposed it while Saturn and Pluto are (still) sextiling it. The Venus-Mars influence would have been great for lovemaking, as an opposition between the planets of love and sex creates steam -- and Taurus and Scorpio are two of the sexiest signs in the zodiac. However, Saturn and Pluto are both heavy planets. Their sextile to his Mars wouldn't create lots of stress, but they still have an influence.

Saturn apparently stopped moving backwards this past Friday. Anytime a planet stations retrograde or direct, its archetypal energy is potent. Saturn is your guy's ruling planet, so he would be especially sensitive to its movement. A Saturn-Mars contact can relate to the restriction or obstruction of desire or sexual potency. I imagine this is the culprit. Saturn didn't cause his "lack of stamina" to happen -- we'd have to look at the details of his life to see what's going on, and as I don't have his exact birth time, I don't know what house Saturn is transiting in his chart. But a Saturn station can bring a feeling of deficiency in whichever house it transits.

Regardless, he probably feels shame about what happened, as well as anger -- at himself, maybe even you if he can't "own it." I suggest you be honest with him. Just tell him that you're OK with what happened, that you find him vital and sexy. That you're sure both of you are nervous and excited about where this relationship is going. And that you want to to be there for him to talk about his fears. You (view chart) can do this -- you're a Cancer, after all. And with a Sun-Saturn conjunction, a Cap is an appropriate match for you. So don't let him run away!

~ Jeffrey

Labels: capricorn, mars, scorpio

He Said/She Said features a love advice question answered by professional astrologers Jessica Shepherd of Moonkissd and Jeffrey Kishner of Seduction Central. After they each provide their perspective, they combine their insight to offer advice they both agree on.

A Scorpio woman (view her chart) writes,

We have known each other for four months as business and friends, and he has been very supportive to me. he wants me to his wife for life we have not consumated our relationship physically but he swears what that i am the one!

my concern is i just found out he was married three times....Is he for real? His last girlfirend was a ten year relationship and he was alone the last two years? I take relationships seriously.....and have never been married....I am an attractive, sexy, successful woman...who has had offers..but have been leary....this seems real??? but my heart says one thing and my head says another.

He Said:

This Gemini man (view his chart) has Venus in Aries opposite a Saturn-Neptune conjunction, all square Uranus. This configuration is called a T-Square, and creates much tension because the planets are working at cross-purposes with each other. (And if you want to count Chiron the Wounded Healer, he has a cardinal Grand Cross!) His relationship planet (Venus) is being challenged by significant transpersonal forces. Uranus brings to Venus an urge toward independence, excitement and unconventionality. Neptune brings idealism, a need for fantasy and escape. And Saturn brings a longing for commitment and groundedness. All of these archetypal desires are fine in their own right -- the problem is that the angles these planets make to Venus make it difficult to integrate their expression in his relationship life. As a result, he may be constantly battling between commitment (Saturn) versus freedom (Uranus); reality (Saturn) versus fantasy (Neptune); the urge to merge (Neptune) versus the need for distance (Uranus). This complex may correspond with his trouble maintaining a successful long-term marriage.

You're wondering if this is real. That's hard to say, because the planet of Unreality -- Neptune -- is currently transiting the cusp of your Seventh House of Partnership. You cannot see other people clearly right now. Nor will you for a long time, as Neptune moves slowly and will be traveling through this house for many years. You are prone to idealize a partner, to see who you want to see. This can be a glamorous experience, as you feel romantic and want to realize your relationship fantasies. However, your judgment may be cloudy during this time.

My advice is to take it slow. You've only known each other for four months! Go on many dates with him. If you're both comfortable with sex before marriage, see how compatible you are in the bedroom. Your Capricorn Saturn "completes" his cardinal T-square, so you may notice that you "activate" his relationship issues. Don't make any serious decisions until you see his issues come into play.

She Said:

To read Jessica's response to the same question, visit Moonkissd -- then read They Said for their bottom line advice!

To submit your burning love question, email Jessica with "he said, she said" in the subject line, or complete Jeffrey's form.

They Said:

All indicators say take your time with this guy. Get to know him, gather evidence about why marriage hasn't worked for him in the past. Time will allow his issues to make themselves known. You'll eventually find out if he's ready and willing to be a husband.

Jeffrey and Jessica are available for astrology consultations. Check out their respective websites for details.

Related post: Scorpio and Gemini reasons for breakup
(66 comments strong!)

Labels: gemini, scorpio

Geminisadface included his birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

im a gemini. there is this scorpio girl i knew when i was about 15 and she really liked me. i didnt get it. she had a boyfriend and she would always tell me how she wanted to dump her boyfriend for me. i thought of her as my friend but i never gave any interest in her so i couldnt understand why she wanted me so bad. she made me feel good but i guess it just scared me so i pushed her as far away as i could. so she has been out of my life for 7 years and ive been around the block and found that im pretty good at attracting all types of women. my problem is that i constantly change my mind about what i want. so now she is back.

i had an experience recently that changed my whole life in which i realized the error of my ways. i realized that i had been destructive and selfish. i realized that my whole path of destruction goes all the way back to her. i was afraid to be loved by someone. 7 years later i realize that i have always loved her. i have been talking to her again and she is suspicious of me as ever. she hides everything so well but i am sure i stir emotions inside her. i cant get her to lift her veil of mystery. i havent told her the extent of my feelings though. shes the one girl right now that i couldnt change my mind about the way i feel about her even if i wanted to.

so now the roles are reversed. i want her so badly and she cant understand it at all. i know i deserve this. i have accepted the fact that i may have missed out on one of the most special people to come into my life. i will refuse to give up because it is just too important to me and i will continue on paying for the sins i have committed for the rest of my life if thats my fate.

she symbolizes my transition from a life of evil to a life of good. i have always dreamed of the perfect love story and it makes me so sad that the perfect love story was there when i was a kid but i didnt see it. things are going really slow but i think if i persist then maybe i could possibly have her. i want her more than any girl but there is a lot of temptation around me. i dont want to forget about how wonderful she is like i did before when we were children.

so i have tried small talk and flirting, that didnt work. i have tried opening up and showing my emotions and that worked a little better.

my question is how can i get her to come out of her shell and come back into my life in some capacity? friend or lover. i want her in my life. should i just accept it and settle for another girl? or is it possible for me to recapture the affections of the scorpion?

No wonder you have no problem attracting women: your Venus in assertive Aries and Mars in sociable Gemini are making a beneficial 60-degree aspect (called a "sextile") to each other. This means your love and sex planets work together harmoniously. Unfortunately, frequently changing your mind about the type of woman you want is common for a Gemini, and especially for yourself, since your Sun (self-expression), Mars (sexual desire) and Mercury (communication) are all in this restless sign.

Your life-changing event might be related to Pluto's recent exit from the last degrees of Sagittarius (where the Lord of the Underworld -- which recently stationed retrograde -- will return). The planet of compulsion, destruction and eventual rebirth was making a challenging aspect (opposition) to your Mars and a more supportive aspect (trine) to your Venus. Pluto dragged your style of relating into the depths of Hell (aka, your psyche) to transform your fear of being loved into an ability to face your Terror straight in the eyes. (We hope.)

The ruler of your Seventh House of Partnership -- with Capricorn on the cusp -- is Saturn in Scorpio. And your Saturn is within a degree of conjoining her Scorpio Sun, so I understand why you feel she's The One -- your relationship significator is unified with her basic self. The problem could be that your Saturn is on her Sun. (View her chart to the right.) Saturn is the planet of restriction and judgment. She may feel that her relationship with you brings with it a sense of hardship. CafeAstrology has an excellent description of this interaspect:

One strong factor that attracted you to each other (perhaps unconsciously) is the feeling that you can have a deep, stable, permanent relationship and settle down together, facing life's responsibilities in a mature way, tackling challenges together such as raising children, becoming financially secure, etc. These concerns can gradually cause your relationship to become too absorbed with "serious" matters, causing both of you to feel limited and stifled by the relationship. Saturn has a strong tendency to criticize and judge Sun's actions, sometimes accurately and sometimes unjustly. Saturn should guard against this tendency to dampen Sun's enthusiasm, and Sun needs to avoid being overly sensitive to Saturn's suggestions and criticisms. Saturn's tendency to dominate, control, or even repress Sun makes Sun feel resentful at times, and Sun may feel lowered vitality and self-confidence after being with Saturn for a long time. You must make room for lightness and play, or you both will feel burdened by the tone that is set between you. Remember that there is a solid sense of being able to depend on one another, and this is a precious gift. Saturn may not be aware of the limiting effect Saturn has on Sun, and Sun would do well to understand that Saturn has this influence due to insecurities. There can be some haughty and judgmental exchanges between the two of you at times, and it is wise to step back and examine exactly why this happens! Saturn can easily feel threatened by Sun's expressions of growth and individuality, because Saturn feels much more safe when Sun stays the same! Growth on Sun's part does not mean growing apart from Saturn, and Saturn would do well to understand this.

As you can see, this connection with your Scorpio love interest has its challenges, but can also reward you with the stability you crave. I'd suggest that you monitor any tendencies towards being critical of her. And if you're willing, be radically honest about your fear of being loved, your self-destructiveness and how you've come to the other side of your life-changing epiphany. Scorpios appreciate people who've risen from the ashes.

Labels: gemini, saturn, scorpio

aqua gurl provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I have been dating a scorpio for a month and I have fallen madly in love with him, but I don't know how he feels about me. He calls and text me everday and all day. He is so nice to me and then he could just lash out any time. One minute hes like i miss you and calls me baby. Then the next minute hes like im about to stop dealing with you real soon and then he's back to nice mod. He is very possessive he does not want me to have friends but he can have friends. We have never been on a date cause he doesnt like to go out late when he has to work, We do talk on the phone all night. He doesn't want anyone to know were dating not even my friend and she the one who hooked us up he says he doesnt want people from his job in his business. I love him and want to stick it out because I feel like his attitudes is just a way of showing me he loves me. What should I do? Does he love me or should i just move on?

Your Scorpio boyfriend is showing classic, stereotypical traits of his sign: possessiveness, secretiveness, reclusiveness. But so what if he loves you? What are you getting out of this relationship? You have generous Jupiter conjunct the cusp of your Seventh House of Partnership -- in loving and compassionate Pisces, no less. You want to experience boundless, idealist love in a relationship -- not to be controlled and have so many limitations placed on your love life.

You've never been on a date with him? He doesn't want anyone -- even your friend -- to know you two are dating? Half the time he lashes out or implies he's going to stop dealing with you? If you've fallen madly in love with him, I'm not going to question the validity of your feelings. Or maybe I will. Why would you put up with being treated this way?

You were born on a Leo Full Moon. You may be an Aquarius who's cool with the distance afforded by this arrangement, but your Leo Moon wants to feel special, to be seen. And how can you receive validation when this guy doesn't want to go out in public with you?

Did your Mommy and Daddy get along? A Full Moon baby can have parents who are constantly in opposition. Maybe you're setting yourself up to repeat this pattern -- by being in a relationship in which your needs won't be met. I'm just saying.

Labels: aquarius, scorpio

Jillian provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I fell for a younger scorpio man. He is 31 so I guess it is ok. I assisted and helped him while he went through losing his home, car, and money. I eventually came to feeling like I am in love with him. The problem is he has not made any kind of move towards me. We see each other almost every day, he is very sweet and shows he cares but not in a physical way. There is a lot of sexual tension for me and I can feel it from him. I am crazy over him but have not a clue if he is interested in me for more than friendship.

Your Sixth House Pisces Moon indicates that you are both compassionate and helpful. You need to be of service, and it hurts you to see people or animals in need. It is in a comfortable sextile (60-degree angle) with your Eight House Mars in Taurus, which shows its sexual attraction through tangible actions. (Mars is also symbolic of a younger man, and is in the House naturally associated with Scorpio).

Your Moon is quincunx (150-degree angle) your proud Mercury in Leo. Perhaps you love to be of service (especially with a Virgo Sun), but don't want to feel like a fool. And in some respects, you expect to be appreciated for your benevolence.

Your secondary progressed Mercury and Neptune are currently conjunct -- they were exact on December 2 of last year -- but your planet of thought is still within orb of the planet of delusion.

You're going on fifty, and although I would not say that an 18-year age difference is a deal breaker for a relationship, I think you're just being a sucker. I can't say for sure if he's taken you for a ride, because for all I know he just had a stroke of bad luck and was grateful for your assistance. But perhaps he feels bound to you in some way, so he maintains contact while not being interested in a sexual/romantic relationship.

Saturn is currently transiting your Sun-Pluto conjunction in Virgo. Saturn can bring out the negative in Pluto, which regular readers will know can be about manipulation. View this experience as a test, designed by Saturn, to force you to confront your own issues around use of power. Was a part of you hoping that, by helping this young man out, you would be in a position to dominate him, and that he would have to repay you sexually?

Labels: scorpio, virgo

You're at a party, and he's there in the corner, alone, probing you with his deep, intense eyes. It's unnerving. You're either excited by the prospect of being devoured, or freaked out by his stalkerish behavior. You try to distract yourself by talking to a friend, but you feel his energy even when you're not looking in his direction. What's up with that dude? Why does he stare at you?

The Spy Who F****d Me

He's studying you. In two different ways. First, he's undressing you with his eyes. All men do this, but Scorpio is an especially sexual sign, so he'll be absorbing your curves, and if you don't dress to bring attention to your shape, he'll be wondering what's beneath your loose-fitting clothing. Second, he's investigating how you tick. Like any good detective or psychotherapist, Scorpio observes your mannerisms. He notices that you fiddle with your earrings when you're flirting. Or that you run your palms down the side of your thighs a few times when you feel nervous. All your idiosyncracies get filed away in Scorpio's emotional hard drive, so that when he finally interacts with you, he'll know how to work his way into your psyche (or your pants).

Wearing Shades in Daylight

Although staring is far from indirect, there's a "passivity in power" aspect to this behavior. Scorpio's not making any moves on you, and yet he's totally got your attention. Unlike a fire sign like Aries, Leo or Sagittarius, he doesn't do it with enthusiasm or dramatic flair. Rather, it's his focus that does the trick. A Sag will tell a grand story to the whole room, making his audience erupt in laughter, while Scorpio uses laser consciousness to focus solely upon you. And the beauty of it is that no one else notices he's staring!

Scorpio's an expert at hiding. If he didn't want you to know he was looking at you, you'd be oblivious. Perhaps you'd feel that you're being watched, but you wouldn't be able to identify your observer. Therefore, if you see Scorpio staring, it's because he wants you to know that he's interested in you.

Comment below: What do you do? Approach him? Wait for him to come up and talk to you? What if he never does?

First photo by furryscaly, second by Delwin, both under CC license.

Labels: scorpio

I've recently been reading books on seduction and dating from the perspective of both genders. The basic premise I've been encountering -- regardless of which camp you belong to -- is that we are attracted to people who are not too available. When someone is 100% open to you, there's no challenge, and you get bored. "Cat string theory" (a term I encountered in Neil Strauss' The Game) states that when you stop dangling string in front of a cat and just let it sit there, the cat gets bored and walks away. You have to keep on dangling to keep its interest.

This of course is Mars in action. Mars wants a challenge, a fight. A guy wants to work hard to win over a girl, and a girl wants a guy who's not all needy and desperate. According to Darwinism 101 (aka evolutionary psychology), a man is naturally competitive and wants the woman with the greatest hip-to-waist ratio to bear his child. Conversely, a woman wants an alpha-male to ensure that she and her child will be protected. One pickup artist named Mystery (mentioned in The Game) states that despite cultural and technological advances, we're still slaves to our biological drives that worked for us tens of thousands of years ago, when we lived in small tribes.

Manipulation

A friend of mine mentioned that her office colleague comes in with new ideas to snag a boyfriend. One tip -- called "doing a coyote" -- involves a woman going to a guy's house for the first time after dating for a while, having sex, and then leaving in the middle of the night while he's sleeping. Presumably the intended effect is to make the man feel insecure so that he'll work harder to keep the woman, as well as make him feel more attracted to her because she's not 100% available to him. He was probably looking forward to cooking breakfast for her -- he's not just into the sex, you know!

Manipulative tactics such as this are under the domain of Scorpio, which is traditionally ruled by Mars. Are we to assume that -- to succeed in the dating world -- we must resort to competition and mind-games?

Yet it is true that without distance from a perceived goal or outcome, Mars has nothing to do. We get angry when somebody blocks us from something we desire. We strive towards a goal that we have not yet attained. Some couples fight just so they can have make-up sex -- they use Mars to create some space between themselves, presumably because emotional enmeshment is not a turn-on.

There is some wisdom to Mars. Members of couples who have enough separation are healthier than those who are codependent. If both people in a partnership have their own hobbies, friends they go out with, and so on, then they develop their own distinct identities, they are not just one-half of a relationship unit. They continue to feel attracted to each other because there is a gap to bridge.

Mars gives us the drive to go out into the world, initially impelling us to separate from our mothers. Then the Moon impels us to come back for security and nurturing. In developmental psychology, this is called rapprochement.

In the dating world, it is the Moon in people that is apparently a turn-off. Neediness, clinginess, waiting by the phone, "I need you" ... it is these behaviors that often drive someone away. It is one thing to flirt and send flowers (Venus), it is another to call someone up and say, "I can't live without you."

Lunar Longing

Perhaps it is the child in us that sabotages dating success. Our first template for relationships is the mother-child bond. As adults, we have unfulfilled needs, and we expect that our infantile fantasies -- we will be taken care of, all of our emotional needs will be met, we will be enveloped in love and warmth -- will be met by a man or woman. However, most adults don't want to be parents to a partner. Parenting implies being with someone 24/7, having no space or time to develop one's own interests. That's what it's like raising an infant.

There is a healthy medium between Cancerian neediness and Scorpionic manipulation in dating. You can be confident and independent (Aries). You don't have to play mind-games, trap someone with an unexpected pregnancy or play the helpless waif who needs a strong protector.

First photo by ienasequence, second by Miss Loisy, third by lou & magoo under CC license.

Labels: aries, cancer, mars, moon, scorpio

In the comments section of How Scorpios get over breakups, Dramatoso Scorpioso wrote,

A Scorpio get dumped?

I've known a few Scorps and this one thing holds true in all cases, male or female-- they do the dirty work (the dumping). They are well ahead of the game and as master strategists will not place themselves in a position to get dumped.

If their spidey senses pick up on a waning interest, they pull out the knife and slash it then and there. Hurts like hell but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I feel suspicious whenever I read "one thing holds true in all cases." Sun sign behavior is not as reliable as, say, the orbital pattern of Mars.

Scorpio is not only about control, strategy and manipulation. This sign ultimately concerns the depths of intimacy one experiences with another person -- the true sharing of one's innermost self, as well as one's body and belongings. To be this close, a Scorpio must relinquish power. As long as she holds the knife, she is on the defensive, fearful of getting hurt. Vulnerability can be terrifying to a Scorpio, for wounds to this intensely emotional water sign can feel as painful as death. Thus, the scorpion develops an arsenal of shields and weapons, as well as enhanced detective skills (the spidey sense).

But who says Scorpio needs to be locked and loaded? Can't she have enough trust to let down her guard, to leave the sharp utensils in the kitchen? Although I would not go so far as to describe Scorpio as innocent, I can imagine a young scorpion falling deeply in love, willing to connect completely with another -- no games, no ammo. If she gets burned by her first lover, then the stingers come out. She toughens up and resolves never to let it happen again.

But there is a beauty in her initial willingness to go to the depths in a relationship, and it is a shame that she may not recover that all-consuming passion -- for how can she love truly, madly and deeply when she's packing a pistol? She may be possessed by desire, but as long as her inner Mars is at the ready, she's destined to remain separate.

Comment below: Are you Scorpio who's been dumped? Share your stories.

Photo by Violator3 under Creative Commons license.

Labels: astrology, breakups, scorpio

The following guest post is by Neith aka Diane Lang.

We are all familiar with the reaction when someone says they have the Sun in Scorpio, but there are other less obvious ways the same energy crops up in natal charts. Those of us who have a strong Pluto influence (for example, a loaded Eighth House, Pluto in aspect to personal planets or Scorpio Rising) can also act a lot like those Scorpio Sun types. I will use an example from my own life to illustrate this . . .

I am a Libra Sun, Libra Moon person with Venus in Sagittarius in the First House. This translates as a pleasant, friendly sort with a charming manner. When I was young, it meant long blond hair, a casual sporty style and a breezy, easy going way about me – Sagittarius bait in essence! The catch is that I have Mars and Mercury in Scorpio conjunct my Scorpio Ascendant, with Pluto squaring my Mars. Throw in a Pluto sextile Moon aspect, and you have a Plutonian type. This meant the exterior was far different from what was going on inside. Now I could also project the Scorpio Rising pretty effectively too, notably when I was angry about something.

Sagittarians love the chase far more than the capture, and if you want to keep their interest, you just need to stay ever so slightly out of reach. There was one Sagittarius guy that was drawn to the Venus in Sagittarius style, and flirted with me like crazy when I was out partying with a girl friend. I found him equally attractive, so I came back another time and started chatting him up. The minute he got wind of the Scorpio intensity, he ran so fast all I saw were hoof prints in the dirt and the bushes waving from the breeze created by his departure.

The moral of this tale is this: If you have lots of Pluto aspects, a loaded Eighth House or Scorpio Rising, even if you are a sweetheart of a Libra, lighthearted Gemini, fun-loving Leo or some other harmless looking sort, you are not nearly the lightweight you appear. So don’t be surprised that when you unveil your natural intensity, you get a different reaction than anticipated. Oh, one other thing ... if you are a Plutonian, it is a good idea to start working on accepting that side of yourself without prejudice and acknowledging you are one of the power-brokers of the Zodiac. There are plenty of rewards . . . = smirk=

About the Author
Neith AKA Diane Lang writes a blog on Synastry at Neith on Synastry, where she writes posts answering relationship questions from readers and does the occasional post on how the outer planets in particular affect our ability to relate. She also has another blog, Neith.net, which covers a broad range of topics relating to Astrology and her life. If you enjoy her style and are interested in having her take a look at your chart, she does written reports for a reasonable fee too.

Related posts:

• Pluto problems in relationships
• Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems
• Pluto vs. Neptune: How do you process your emotions?

Comment below: Are you a Plutonic person? How does this aspect of yourself conflict with other elements of your chart?

Labels: libra, pluto, sagittarius, scorpio, venus

Tasha included a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

ok im a scorpio female and my boyfriend is a cancer.

i feel that we are soul mates, i just love him so much. well the problem is he just tends to always get hurt by the things i say...even when im just joking wit him, he'll leave the room and give me the slient treatment for a minute until i go after him and make him talk to me, but then when he finally do talk, he starts cryin and letting out all this emotion.

and im like :" where is all this coming from? " i mean this is a all the time type thing.... sometimes i have to kiss him and show alot of affection to get him to open up. anyway my question is

is there any way that i can get him to toughen up ? ? ? all that sensitive gots to go. i thought cancers were like there sign, hard on the outside, soft on the inside.

Your Cancer is a double Cancer, with both his Sun and Moon in this sensitive sign. "Hard on the outside" has different manifestations: for him, it's leaving the room and giving you the silent treatment, i.e., retreating into his shell. It is only when you seek him out that the softness comes out.

You cannot get him to toughen up. He is who he is. Better to focus on what you say that makes him feel hurt. You are extremely Scorpionic: Scorpio Rising, a Mercury-Saturn conjunction in Scorpio, and a Sun-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio. You may have a tendency to shoot verbal barbs laced with criticism and judgment. In addition, your Sun-Pluto conjunction in the 12th House suggests that you are not conscious of how you wield this intense power you have to expose people's weaknesses. What kind of defense can a crab shell provide against a Sun-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio? It's like you are in a possession of a nuclear bomb, and you don't know how to use it.

Your boyfriend also doesn't have it easy. His Sun-Moon conjunction in Cancer is opposed by Mars -- he is prone to experiencing anger coming from outside of himself, and directed at him. It is possible that he has projected his Mars onto you (remember that Mars is the traditional ruler of Scorpio), 'making' you more likely to take on the role of the aggressor.

Comment below to provide Tasha feedback, or discuss Cancer-Scorpio compatibility in the forum.

Labels: astrology, cancer, scorpio

The Sun enters the eighth sign of the zodiac today, signifying a shift into deep waters, where we turn over coral at the bottom of the sea bed for buried treasure. The wealth we accrue from our diving expeditions cannot be quantified in gold, but rather by how fearlessly we can be intimate with another person.

To commemorate this important date, several bloggers have written about Scorpio. Some are natives, and others have courageously dated people born under this Pluto-ruled sign.

The Scorpio Group Writing Project

Scorpio Dating - Jennifer (aka fullmoon)

Group Writing Project submissions by members of the Seduction Central Forum and Social Network:

• Twilight
• cxtile
  

Other Scorpio-related forum discussions and blog posts:

• Oh, for crying out loud ... What about us female Scorps? - Victoria
• Scorpios - strangely compelling - Bex
• Scorpio sexual taboos - Mikey
• Suziebling's Scorpio Rollercoaster Ride series
• Are Scorpios really better off ... solo?
• Polling all Scorpio men!
  

Scorpio groups:

• Operation Navigate Scorpio Male
  
• Scorpiolicious!
  

Labels: astrology, group writing project, scorpio

Mercury in Scorpio went retrograde today, and I've noticed -- looking back at recent advice questions -- that it's really hard for people to just trust one another at face value. I'm not naive -- I know humans lie and deceive, cheat and manipulate -- but does it serve us to be so self-protective? Nobody wants to be burned, but the fear of being hurt keeps us so isolated!

The planet of communication has been in the sign of secretiveness and power plays since September 27. Mistrust is in the air, and we are all looking at each other with suspicion, wondering about ulterior motives. The danger in this approach is that we overlook the essential goodness and kindness in human beings. We are not only base creatures focused on survival, employing a kill-or-be-killed strategy in finding the perfect mate. There is love in the world.

As Mercury apparently moves backwards in the sky, we can use this opportunity to reflect on past betrayals, and see how the armor we've adorned to shield ourselves also keeps us at arm's length from others. And be sure to remember the positive aspects of Mercury in Scorpio: deep, probing conversations that facilitate a strong emotional bond; the revelation of personal information to help transform ourselves and others.

Sometimes when someone says, "I love you," it means just that.

Labels: astrology, mercury, retrograde, scorpio

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage has coined the abbreviation GGG: "good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason." The Scorpio man is drawn to taboos and the underworld of sexuality, so a few kinks are to be expected. Bondage, domination, sadomasochism ... power and pain are old friends to the Scorpion. This is not to say that all Scorpios like to dole out punishment: The sign is truly about the depths of intimacy, which means exploring every nook and cranny of your English muffin. No! I mean that he will want to connect intensely with you -- staring into each other's eyes (even during orgasm), or achieving tantric bliss through controlled sexual techniques.

If you want to satisfy him, you have to overcome your fear -- fear of closeness, fear of exploring the boundaries of pain and pleasure. By all means don't do anything that feels violating (unless, of course, you're into that sort of thing.) But be willing to turn lovemaking into an attempt to excavate your hidden turn-ons and wounds, eroticizing power dynamics and family traumas to gain a sense of mastery over them.

And if all else fails, stick your finger up his patootie.

Comment below: How do you satisfy the Scorpio in bed?

Labels: astrology, scorpio

Stacie provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My question is really quite simple, I would like some helpful hints on how to get out there (into the dating scene). I think the main problem is I am so secretive about my personal life, I almost feel angry when someone continues to pursue a question even further. I like to keep to myself and sharing with someone else absolutely terrifies me. They don't need to know what happened in the past, all they need to know is that I like to eat take out chinese and watch a movie. I'm so afraid to have someone really get to know me ... they may not like what they see. I can be kind of intense and too serious for people.

You sound like a classic Scorpio to the n^th degree. However, there are other chart factors contributing to your fear:

• Venus conjunct Pluto: You're terrified of intimacy, all too aware of the potential for abuse and manipulation in relationships. I'd venture to guess that you've been traumatized, and that you don't feel safe exposing your secrets to a near-stranger. There's no way to honestly talk about your past without acknowledging your hurt, so you'd rather avoid discussing it all together.
• Virgo Rising: This sign on your Ascendant contributes to an impossible-to-reach perfectionism that leads to self-criticism. If you feel you're not good enough, you conclude that no one else will value you, either. (Your Sun sign Scorpio has also been known to be self-loathing!)
• Saturn in Leo: Not feeling special, fear of being seen. (The emperor has no clothes?) All the more harmful since it's in your 12th House of Self-Undoing.

The most elevated planet in your chart is your Moon in Gemini. You feel comfortable being superficial (take-out and a movie), yet how long can you stay on the surface in the dating world? You just completed your Saturn Return, when transiting Saturn returns to its original position when you were born. Your natal Saturn rules your Fifth House of Romance, so it makes sense that you're taking this area of your life seriously. In other words, you're nearly 30 and single, and you're not getting any younger. You want a relationship, yet your terror of being seen as worthless or bad is sabotaging your dating success.

After a Saturn Return, single people are most likely looking to settle down and start a family, not just casually date -- for Saturn is the planet of mortality and responsibility. If you're too guarded, a date won't know if he wants to get to know you further. He'll wonder what you're hiding, or assume that you're shutting him out because you don't like him.

Your "dating planets" are in outgoing signs (Venus in Libra, Mars in Leo), so you probably have the flirtatious/seductive thing down (especially with Venus conjunct Pluto!). I don't think you need to know so much "how to get out there," as "how to get over your self-hatred and fear of being destroyed." That, my dear, requires a psychotherapist, not a dating coach.

Labels: astrology, scorpio

Exes often have a place in our hearts. We may love them forever, but know that there's no chance in hell a reunion would work. Or we may pine for them until eternity, wishing we had done things differently, or that we hadn't met them when we were so young.

And those are the good ones! The rest, we just file under "Well, that was a waste of my time!"

The zodiacal diversity (or perversity) in our approaches towards attachment and separation suggests that not everyone will process endings in the same way. Case in point, Scorpio. This sign can go to two different extremes: never letting go, or burning an ex's memory to the ground. All fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius), in fact, are resistant to change, but Scorpio -- being an intensely emotional water sign -- conjures up the image of prying a beloved object from one's cold, dead hands. The Scorpion loves so deeply that it's hard to excise an ex from its heart.

But that's exactly what's needed. Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, planet of resurrection and regeneration. The phoenix rising from the ashes is one of Scorpio's iconic images, for to be reborn, one must die. In the context of letting go and moving on, this sign relishes ex-arson like no other. (No, I don't mean setting one's old lover on fire!) The incineration of the attachment of Scorpio to their ex must be complete. This process requires that all vestiges of the ex -- photos, memorabilia, neural impressions -- be excavated and then thrown on a bonfire fueled by Scorpio's obsessive insistence on removing all traces of evidence at the scene of the crime.

Related posts:

• How to know when a Scorpio doesn't love you
• How Scorpios get over breakups

Labels: astrology, breakups, scorpio

Can an excess of smoldering intensity lead to spontaneous combustion? When two secretive people meet, is there any hope of direct communication? These are the questions that arise in a Scorpio-Scorpio relationship.

But before we answer the question, "Can two Scorpios be happy?," we must first ask if one Scorpio can be happy. Why, in fact, does our culture place such value on "happiness"? Fulfillment, rather, is what we ought to seek. From a Scorpionic point of view, how can anyone be happy in the face of death, torture, manipulation, abuse, garbage, Hell and discarded biological fluids? There's just too much crap in the world. Even if you swim the waste products of your own psyche, happiness is just too much to ask for.

So imagine throwing two clinical psychologists or private investigators together. How can they resist the temptation to search through each other's files, to probe into their partner's cavities in search of drugs or wiretaps? Will they, as a unit, dig their own graves and bury themselves, locked in a casket of black magic rituals and BDSM roleplaying?

The best we can hope for is that two adults will respect each other's need to have a private self, and will trust each other enough to expose their flaws without fear of blackmail. And, of course, that they'll have a killer sex life.

Labels: astrology, scorpio

Jara aka BlahBlah writes for 'Seduction Central' on Saturdays. (Thanks, Jeff!)

(Disclaimer: This blog entry is for humorous and educational purposes only. Adhere to the following advice at your own risk.)

Venusianprincess provided her birth information and writes:

There has been this Scorpio guy that I have been talking to for quite awhile. We've known each other for 4 years and now, out of the blue, I am starting to fall for him. I have always kept him at a distance, but now I want to be with him and I'm scared that I will be hurt (he hasn't given me any reason for feeling this way, he actually treats me like a princess) So I don't know why I feel this way. I am 26 and he is 40 (a young 40). His venus is in sagittarius and his moon sign is in pisces. A part of me wants to go further (he wants to marry me), but a part of me wants to keep it like it is (because I'm scared). Any insight would be so greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.

Taurus and Scorpio are opposite signs, which could explain the magnetic, yet uncomfortable attraction you have for this Scorpio guy. Scorpio is a passionate sign that yearns for something deep. When in love, Scorpio wants to make a lasting commitment and know that you will always be there for him. This should appeal to you, since Taurus is an earth sign that also needs to know where a relationship stands. Your Venus in Taurus reinforces this core value regarding relationships, as well. But maybe your Scorpio's intensity is making you feel pressured...

Your chart is loaded with the fire element, which contradicts the long-term commitment valued by your Taurus Sun. Your Moon, Mercury and Mars are all in fire signs (Sagittarius and Aries, respectively). Since you don't provide any specific external examples, the overwhelming amount of fire within your chart could be the main cause for the let's-wait-awhile, commitment-phobic feelings regarding making the ultimate commitment of togetherness - marriage.

Your Sagittarius Moon dislikes the emotional burden of being responsible for other people's feelings (especially if they're complex). Perhaps your Sag Moon is intuitively sensing that your Scorpio man (with his sensitive Pisces Moon) will require more from you emotionally than you're willing (or able) to give. Not only is your Moon in a freedom-loving fire sign, but it's also located in your 5th house (naturally associated with Leo). Short-term love affairs and fun are 5th house concerns. In other words, having fun is an emotional craving for you, so keeping things "as it is" is your way of keeping things light and fun (are you catching the pattern here?).

Aries is not exactly the most relationship-oriented placement. With both your Mercury and Mars in this headstrong, independent sign, you are probably concerned about whether your man will be able to keep up with you or hold you back from doing what you want to do. Your fear could be the result of you questioning if the relationship will provide the constant mental and physical stimulation that you enjoy. As I mentioned before, boredom = no fun to that 5th house Moon of yours.

Having so much fire in your chart (your Ascendant and North Node are in Leo - yet another fire sign), you most likely have an idealized definition of love. You mention "falling for" your Scorpio "out of the blue" despite having known each other for 4 years. What Aries, Leo and Sagittarius all have in common is that they are prone to sudden infatuations (or falling in love, as they call it), which can lead to disappointment when the affair doesn't go as they expected. In your considerations of getting engaged, are thoughts of how past relationships ended making you less optimistic (i.e., scared) about the future?

In addition, you have lesson-instilling Saturn in Libra, which means you have some karmic concerns about relationships/partnerships. You have learned over time to take entering into and exiting them very seriously. Mr. Scorpio may get impatient with how long it takes you to weigh all of the pros and cons of where your relationship is headed, but this process is necessary for you to feel comfortable with your final decision. The upside is that once you finally make a decision, it will be a lasting one.

As I write this, the Moon is now in Taurus and Saturn is in trine aspect to your Sun. The next 2 days or so is a great time for you to take advantage of this period when you'll be able to exchange your foggy, rose-colored glasses for a level-head in order to view your relationship realistically.

With your Mercury-Mars conjunction in your 9th house of long-distance travel, I suggest you book a trip to a foreign city, state, country or continent for you and your Scorpio sweetie. This getaway will be a great boost to creating a safe emotional environment for your Sagittarius Moon to open up to your Scorpion about your marriage concerns. And who knows? It might also stir his Venus in Sagittarius (the 9th house's natural sign) to officially pop the question. ;)

Comment below to provide Venusianprincess feedback, or discuss Taurus-Scorpio compatibility.

Labels: astrology, compatibility, marriage, scorpio, taurus

Neal provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I recently got an abrupt dumping from my Scorpio lover of three months, we had both recently come out of hurtful relationships and were taken aback by our strong mutual attraction but rolled with it and had a great time.

I was very good to her, she reciprocated my kindness and it was great. Although it was short I had allowed myself to think this was going somewhere and that we could have a good love, but a few weeks ago she called me to finish it, she was really upset and told me I was wonderful and that she could be making a huge mistake but she had to end it.

She also said she felt trapped and 'freaked out' by it. Being aware of my cancerian ways I had been pretty laid back about my feelings to her so not to scare but I had the vibe we were falling in love. Is this woman in love with me but scared by her feelings? Should I move on or wait, or pursue this amazing lady, because I really feel there is something there...

You're no ordinary Cancer, Neal. Your Sun shines at the very top of your chart (Midheaven), signifying a very public role for you, despite the shy ways of the Crab. Your Sun also makes a square (90-degree angle) to Pluto, which is conjunct your Ascendant. Pluto -- the planet of power and intensity (as well as Scorpio's modern ruler) -- adds a wallop of probing and potency to your personality. Although your Scorpio ex may have been attracted to that very quality, Sun-Pluto (on the angles, no less) can be scary. It is evident to anyone that you're a dude who looks deep into whatever he encounters, and that your investigative insights will get channeled into the public arena ... in a rather emotional manner. Plus, this whole dynamic is exaggerated by the Sun's conjunction to Jupiter. You probably have a strong drive to succeed, and you feel optimistic about your aspirations. But how can you balance your soft side with your need to be on top? And how much room is there for a woman when you've got this highly visible trajectory to success? Can she be the number one priority in your life?

Saturn's conjunction to both of the female planets -- Moon and Venus -- doesn't make this any easier. You're not so secure in your ability to keep a relationship going and get your needs met, and this feeling often results in a certain coldness, or at least a difficulty in expressing affection. The Moon rules Cancer (where your Sun resides) and Venus rules Libra (Pluto's position at your birth), so Saturn's conjunction to the dispositors of your Sun-Pluto square just adds more weight to these issues.

Currently, you are in your Saturn Return, when the planet of maturity returns to the position in the zodiac where it was when you were born. The Return is the end of youth and the beginning of adulthood. It is time to face mortality, accept responsibility, and take on commitments. As Venus is natally conjunct your Saturn, the Return affects Venus as well, contributing a sense of gravity to your love life. The end of a relationship can feel like a test, and you're wondering whether you should accept your ex's departure or pursue her.

You may want to sit September out: once transiting Venus has moved direct and returned to its natal position in late Leo, and once Saturn has firmly moved into Virgo, signaling the end of your Saturn Return. Take this time to think about where you're going with your life, and how you can fit a relationship into it. Can you offer your Scorpio ex what she needs? Some time alone may give you the answers.

Comment below to provide Neal feedback, or discuss Cancer-Scorpio compatibility in the forum.

Labels: astrology, breakups, cancer, scorpio

Lust alone can bring people together, but it's not the glue that makes them stick. Whether you want some easy-to-apply paste or 'til-death-do-us-part cement, compatibility is the adhesive that helps two people cohere.

If Libra likes Elmer's glue, then Scorpio digs the Crazy variety. Although both brands fasten, Scorpio's going to cling alot more fiercely than Libra, who's into forging the connection but not so committed to an everlasting bond.

Libra loves the idea of relationships, but this sign's element -- Air -- is not as integral to the love-paste recipe as Water, Scorpio's element. Scorpio feels his way into relationship, and it is the emotional intimacy that keeps his glue gummy.

However, before they even open up their art supply cabinets, these signs may think they've got a chance. Both signs are (traditionally) ruled by the lovers, Venus (Libra) and Mars (Scorpio). Both are associated with the relationship sector of the horoscope (7th and 8th Houses). Scorpio -- immediately following Libra on the zodiacal wheel -- picks up on the former's initial impulse to connect and deepens it.

But that's where the similarities end ... and don't we require two similar surfaces if we want to fasten them together?

Labels: astrology, libra, scorpio

Marie provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

He's Sun in Scorpio, Moon in Taurus, Asc in Aquarius and Venus in Virgo. So traditionally it's promised that we'll have more tension than harmony. He was the one who pursued me, probing into me with his curious questions, which partly helped me to know myself better. It took a lot out of me to admit that i am in love with him, in which he thought deeply and said "There is no chance between us". Despite that, i am not allowed to hang out with his best friend (let alone other guys), and we constantly have arguments which often ends with me saying "I don't see why we're arguing about this, we're not even a couple" and he'll withdraw away into his secret place.

I get confused with his action