To feel remorse, you first have to be aware of -- and respect -- the experience of another being. Unfortunately, many people are either sociopathic or just not mature enough to recognize that others deserve fair treatment. The foundation of this understanding is based on rules and laws, moral codes that are hammered into our heads by our parents and society. This superegoic consciousness can be represented by Saturn. This strict planet is not all bad -- it is appropriate to repress certain instincts, when acting on them hurts others. Think of the Ten Commandments: It's not OK to steal or screw your neighbor's spouse, for example. If we all did whatever our instincts told us to do, we'd live in chaos.

And yet, our parents and society also teach us to repress vital parts of ourselves -- in the service of conformity, as well as submission to the State. Is it not sad that -- in becoming aware of our talents and desires that meet disapproval from the mainstream -- we feel like we are trespassing, or doing something wrong?

Libra, the sign in which Saturn finds its exaltation, is focused on doing what appears right or culturally appropriate. There is a core of strength in Libra, in its focus on fairness, justice and balance. And yet there is also a wishy-washy quality that comes from being so focused on pleasing all parties that Libra does not know what to do -- he does not trust his insides because he does not want to lose face.

How does a Libra feel when he violates his own sense of what is just?

All things being equal, a Libra may be less likely to be uncouth or to outright hurt another's feelings than other Sun signs. It is difficult to act on one's impulses when "the done thing" is foremost in one's mind. But if he has, say, a personal planet in blunt Sagittarius, critical Virgo, vindictive Scorpio or elitist Leo, he may relate in a manner that violates his own sense of decorum.

If there is an opportunity to make a Libra feel guilty, it is by exploiting the inner conflict between (A) his priority on civility and fair treatment; and (B) his impulses that conflict with the values embraced by his conscious Self. That is, to make his Libra Sun feel offended by the behavior of one of his subpersonalities.

You may need to draw special attention to how one of his other personal planets acts in a depraved manner, for a Libra may very well disown this planet and project it on to others, as he cannot bear acknowledging that there is a part of himself that can be so crude.

Bear in mind that the point of this exercise is not to make him feel guilty out of malevolence, but rather to help him find a higher expression for parts of himself that are underdeveloped.

There is a risk, though, of aiding in the suppression of healthy instincts that just happen to not be "nice." There is a place for bluntness, for exposing ugly truths, for being critical in order to help someone make improvements upon themselves. Not all human behavior needs to be "sugar and spice and everything nice." So, if you care about your Libra man, use guilt sparingly, for if he remains stuck in his Sun sign modus operandi, he will rarely express any emotional depth or engage in meaningful exchanges in the pursuit of a higher truth.

Comment below: What would a Libra feel guilty about?

Labels: libra, saturn

Geminisadface included his birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

im a gemini. there is this scorpio girl i knew when i was about 15 and she really liked me. i didnt get it. she had a boyfriend and she would always tell me how she wanted to dump her boyfriend for me. i thought of her as my friend but i never gave any interest in her so i couldnt understand why she wanted me so bad. she made me feel good but i guess it just scared me so i pushed her as far away as i could. so she has been out of my life for 7 years and ive been around the block and found that im pretty good at attracting all types of women. my problem is that i constantly change my mind about what i want. so now she is back.

i had an experience recently that changed my whole life in which i realized the error of my ways. i realized that i had been destructive and selfish. i realized that my whole path of destruction goes all the way back to her. i was afraid to be loved by someone. 7 years later i realize that i have always loved her. i have been talking to her again and she is suspicious of me as ever. she hides everything so well but i am sure i stir emotions inside her. i cant get her to lift her veil of mystery. i havent told her the extent of my feelings though. shes the one girl right now that i couldnt change my mind about the way i feel about her even if i wanted to.

so now the roles are reversed. i want her so badly and she cant understand it at all. i know i deserve this. i have accepted the fact that i may have missed out on one of the most special people to come into my life. i will refuse to give up because it is just too important to me and i will continue on paying for the sins i have committed for the rest of my life if thats my fate.

she symbolizes my transition from a life of evil to a life of good. i have always dreamed of the perfect love story and it makes me so sad that the perfect love story was there when i was a kid but i didnt see it. things are going really slow but i think if i persist then maybe i could possibly have her. i want her more than any girl but there is a lot of temptation around me. i dont want to forget about how wonderful she is like i did before when we were children.

so i have tried small talk and flirting, that didnt work. i have tried opening up and showing my emotions and that worked a little better.

my question is how can i get her to come out of her shell and come back into my life in some capacity? friend or lover. i want her in my life. should i just accept it and settle for another girl? or is it possible for me to recapture the affections of the scorpion?

No wonder you have no problem attracting women: your Venus in assertive Aries and Mars in sociable Gemini are making a beneficial 60-degree aspect (called a "sextile") to each other. This means your love and sex planets work together harmoniously. Unfortunately, frequently changing your mind about the type of woman you want is common for a Gemini, and especially for yourself, since your Sun (self-expression), Mars (sexual desire) and Mercury (communication) are all in this restless sign.

Your life-changing event might be related to Pluto's recent exit from the last degrees of Sagittarius (where the Lord of the Underworld -- which recently stationed retrograde -- will return). The planet of compulsion, destruction and eventual rebirth was making a challenging aspect (opposition) to your Mars and a more supportive aspect (trine) to your Venus. Pluto dragged your style of relating into the depths of Hell (aka, your psyche) to transform your fear of being loved into an ability to face your Terror straight in the eyes. (We hope.)

The ruler of your Seventh House of Partnership -- with Capricorn on the cusp -- is Saturn in Scorpio. And your Saturn is within a degree of conjoining her Scorpio Sun, so I understand why you feel she's The One -- your relationship significator is unified with her basic self. The problem could be that your Saturn is on her Sun. (View her chart to the right.) Saturn is the planet of restriction and judgment. She may feel that her relationship with you brings with it a sense of hardship. CafeAstrology has an excellent description of this interaspect:

One strong factor that attracted you to each other (perhaps unconsciously) is the feeling that you can have a deep, stable, permanent relationship and settle down together, facing life's responsibilities in a mature way, tackling challenges together such as raising children, becoming financially secure, etc. These concerns can gradually cause your relationship to become too absorbed with "serious" matters, causing both of you to feel limited and stifled by the relationship. Saturn has a strong tendency to criticize and judge Sun's actions, sometimes accurately and sometimes unjustly. Saturn should guard against this tendency to dampen Sun's enthusiasm, and Sun needs to avoid being overly sensitive to Saturn's suggestions and criticisms. Saturn's tendency to dominate, control, or even repress Sun makes Sun feel resentful at times, and Sun may feel lowered vitality and self-confidence after being with Saturn for a long time. You must make room for lightness and play, or you both will feel burdened by the tone that is set between you. Remember that there is a solid sense of being able to depend on one another, and this is a precious gift. Saturn may not be aware of the limiting effect Saturn has on Sun, and Sun would do well to understand that Saturn has this influence due to insecurities. There can be some haughty and judgmental exchanges between the two of you at times, and it is wise to step back and examine exactly why this happens! Saturn can easily feel threatened by Sun's expressions of growth and individuality, because Saturn feels much more safe when Sun stays the same! Growth on Sun's part does not mean growing apart from Saturn, and Saturn would do well to understand this.

As you can see, this connection with your Scorpio love interest has its challenges, but can also reward you with the stability you crave. I'd suggest that you monitor any tendencies towards being critical of her. And if you're willing, be radically honest about your fear of being loved, your self-destructiveness and how you've come to the other side of your life-changing epiphany. Scorpios appreciate people who've risen from the ashes.

Labels: gemini, saturn, scorpio

celine provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My venus is ... opposing saturn.... I couldn't have a long time relationship because of the saturn effect. I have also no planet in my 7th house.... Am I always going to fail in love & money? [edited for clarity]

Saturn opposite Venus is a challenging aspect, but it doesn't mean you're destined to be lonely and bereft. The challenging side of Saturn is its tendency to restrict, block and test. In a stressful aspect like the opposition (a 180-degree angle), Venus' needs to express affection and feel attractive and loved are hindered. The opposition aspect especially manifests in relationships, so you may continually confront harsh authority figures who withdraw their approval. Saturn is the archetype of the father, and since Saturn is the traditional ruler of Aquarius on the cusp of your Fourth House -- which some astrologers correlate with the father -- it is likely that you repeat a rejecting relational pattern that started with him. That is, if your father was withholding, you are drawn to men who seem familiar, and who also give you the cold shoulder. (Venus-Saturn correlates with an attraction to older men or men in positions of authority.)

However, there are positives to Saturn: commitment, duty, responsibility, seriousness. Astrologers often say that those with challenging Saturn-Venus aspects find love later in life, because Saturn is the planet of delay. Regardless, it is simply part of your path to master the obstacle course of love, and through confronting this hardship, you become very clear about what you need (and refuse to put up with) in relationship. Venus is the planet of value and self-worth, so put in some serious effort to build up your self-esteem, so that you don't feel you have to prove your value to a man.

You are currently undergoing your Saturn Return -- when Saturn returns to its original position in the zodiac when you were born -- and this planet is also opposing your natal Venus by transit. In essence, you are going through a period of maturity in which you need to let go of patterns that weigh you down. I suggest you do some writing to analyze your relational patterns. Through taking an inventory of yourself, you become more aware of what's holding you back from a satisfying love life.

Related post: Honoring Saturn and Venus

Labels: saturn, venus

Around the 13th/14th of this month, Venus retrograde will conjoin Saturn at 27 degree Leo. As much as we want to shine and receive validation for our beauty, our desires are inhibited twice over. Saturn restricts our ability to express affection and feel attractive, and He also brings delay and obstacles to relationship fulfillment. Venus' apparent backwards motion in the sky (retrograde) has a somewhat similar meaning. During a retrograde phase, we go inwards and we focus on the past. "Re Re Re" is the song we sing: re-evaluation of our priorities in partnership; review of old relationships; reminders of the past. Exes contact us out of nowhere, and we may do the same. Additionally, this retrograde doubles the Saturn influence because pleasure is postponed¹. It is difficult to move forward in matters of love and sex when Venus is moving backwards and Saturn is pressing us to assess what really matters in our relationships.

The ultimate reward for this work is that -- once Venus moves direct and is finally past Saturn (around October 15) -- we really know what we want when it comes to love.

1. Thanks to Jeff Jawer for this insight.

Labels: saturn, venus

In the comments section of Those Bad Planets, Eme Kah writes, "Can you give a concrete example of how to honor both Venus and Saturn, say, if they're in a square aspect?"

When Saturn and Venus are in a square relationship with each other, there is a challenge in integrating both impulses in a satisfactory manner. (Saturn wants structure, commitment and longevity. Venus wants love, beauty, sensual pleasure.) The "lower expression" of this combination typically manifests: Saturn restricts and delays the love and approval needed by Venus; the native (that is, the person who has Venus-square-Saturn in their horoscope) has difficulty expressing affection lest she is rejected; one encounters many obstacles in developing a satisfying relationship. ("Lower expression" is not meant as a judgment. Rather, these patterns appear to be less satisfying to a native than the "higher expressions" mentioned below.)

A more satisfying Saturn-Venus expression manifests as commitment and longevity in relationship, a tempered approach to love. There will be a pragmatism in meeting one's relationship needs.

In the process of respecting the gods and goddesses, Saturn gets priority. Venus represents a mundane need -- it is a personal planet. We all need to feel loved and appreciated. (Entirely giving up on love would be dishonoring Venus.) Saturn influences Venus, not the other way around. We experience the absence or delay of the Venusian. Therefore we have to give Saturn his due.

Honoring Saturn

Giving Saturn his due means submitting to His trials. For karmic reasons, you just need to plow through the relationship obstacles He puts in your way. There's no avoiding it. But Saturn will reward your hard work and determined approach with wisdom, structure, longevity. I'm not making promises here -- a "beneficial" expression of Saturn-Venus will look different for everyone born with this challenge. One person may overcome difficulty with relationships to become an expert on matters of love. Another may fall in love with someone in a position of authority, or someone many years their senior. A third may be rewarded -- after many difficult years -- with a stable partnership that lasts the rest of their life.

However, none of these options will happen without putting in some serious effort. Remaining in fear, focusing on the "lack" -- these negative attitudes will only result in one's entrenchment in unsatisfying relationship patterns. If you're feeling weighed down, you need to do push-ups! Strengthen your "love muscle" (no, I don't mean that one!) with regular exercise, working against resistance to develop your confidence and groundedness in the realm of relationship.

Labels: astrology, saturn, venus

mona provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

i met this wonderful man n i am in love with him. . we been dating like a year now but i been reading all these theories that libra n caprocorn will not matched. i am worry. my question will be what i can do to fortify thsi relationship

You're worried, based on what an astrologer says? Hogwash! Trust your own experience, mona! Astrology is just a system, not the truth.

You have Pisces on the cusp of your Seventh House of Partnership. Jupiter, the traditional ruler of Pisces, is in Capricorn in your Fifth House of Romance and Play, conjunct Mars. Mars in a woman's chart signifies the type of young man to whom she is attracted. Hence, the sign placement of both Mars and Jupiter correspond with your attraction to this hard-working sign.

Jupiter and Mars in Capricorn 'make' you productive and results-oriented, hence this aspect of yourself jibes with your boyfriend. Your Mars may even drive him to succeed, depending on the degree of his Capricorn Sun.

In a way, whatever challenges you'd have with a Capricorn man, you'd also have within yourself. Your Libra Sun's purpose is to find balance and beauty, to socialize and to please. Yet your Mars, which acts to fulfill your Sun's will, goes about it in a purposeful, pragmatic way, with little concern for feelings as he moves his way to the top.

Currently, transiting Saturn is making a square (or 90-degree angle) to your natal Venus, planet of love. If you want to fortify your relationship, this is the time to do it, as Saturn is all about building and strengthening bonds that are meant to last. However, to do this you have to let go of relationship patterns that weigh you down. It's up to you to determine what those are by doing an inventory of your current and past relationships. Looking at your love life seven years ago -- when Saturn was opposing your Venus -- will help provide some clues regarding how this current transit will play out.

Discuss Libra-Capricorn compatibility in the forum, or below in the comments.

Labels: astrology, capricorn, libra, saturn

Golden1 provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and things aren't as hot and heavy or passionate as they used to be. I think he's losing interest. He sometimes tells me things that hurt and I know that Sagittarius' have diarrhea of the mouth, unintentionally hurting delicate feelings but I wanna know if this is one sign that he's losing interest. I'm in love with him and I want him to be a part of my future. Please help me to figure out my suspicions. His Venus is in Scorpio and his Mars is in Pisces. Thank You.

Transiting Saturn -- planet of harship and woe -- has been conjunct your Leo Sun all year. You're feeling pretty down, I imagine, as this planet squashes your vitality and wounds your pride. You want to shine and be seen as special, yet the spotlight has been unplugged.

It's hard to feel loved during a Saturn transit to your Sun. Self-esteem can plummet. To boot, transiting Saturn will come up on a square to your natal Mars, ruler of your Seventh House of Partnership, in August. Tension and repressed desire are likely outcomes. However, Saturn is the planet of tests. You can use this summer to assess how you express your purpose and initiative, and you can take an inventory of your relationship. Your Mars sits in your Second House of Self-Worth, so looking at how your Sagittarius boyfriend makes you (or doesn't make you) feel valued would be a good use of your energies. (And don't forget to value yourself, regardless!)

Sometimes people say hurtful things to push others away. Other times, they just lack tact. With Mars in Pisces, your boyfriend wouldn't necessarily be direct with his expression of anger. You may want to just sit down with him and ask if he's been holding anything back (Venus in Scorpio). Perhaps he's just scared of taking the next step, and has been unleashing barbs to see if you'll still stick around.

You have good compatibility given the limited info you've provided: two fiery Suns, plus two Venus-Mars interaspects (conjunction in Scorpio, opposition along Pisces-Virgo axis). Around September 2008, transiting Saturn will be conjoining your Venus, planet of love, in self-critical Virgo -- another round of tests concerning how loved and valued (Venus) you feel. If your relationship survives this transit, it will probably last.

Provide feedback to Golden1 in the comments section.

Discuss Leo-Sagittarius compatibility in the forum.

Labels: astrology, leo, sagittarius, saturn

Natalie provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

Everything has been confused, unstable, sometimes sweet, sometimes demented in my romantic life for about the past year. What gives?

The Saturn-Neptune opposition in the sky -- which is just now starting to wrap up -- has been transiting your Eighth House Leo planets. This house concerns emotional and sexual intimacy. Your sexual planets -- Mars and Pluto -- are here, along with Mercury in Leo and your Virgo Sun. The confusion, instability and sweetness you experience can be attributed to the influence of Neptune. This planet concerns the desire to move beyond one's identification with the small self, merging with the All and recognizing the illusory nature of boundaries. This mystically-inclined planet sometimes brings sweetness and light, but other times it brings just plain ol' delusion. When boundaries dissolve, it is hard to see the difference between me and you, between fantasy and reality. One's "ground" dissolves, one cannot see clearly.

Add to this the influence of Saturn, the boundary-maker. The structures Saturn builds are worn down by Neptune's streams. The god of pragmatism bursts Neptune's bubble of idealism and fantasy, leading to total disillusionment.

Apply all this to the depths of closeness you experience in a romantic relationship, and you are bound to eventually feel demented! Fortunately, Saturn will be leaving Leo this fall, although it's conjunction to your Sun and opposition to your Pisces Moon will bring some serious gravity to your life. And slow-moving Neptune's opposition to the rest of your Eighth House planets won't lift for quite a while. The confusion may continue, but you're less likely to feel the hardship in your love life when Saturn has moved on.

Labels: astrology, neptune, saturn

Greg provided his birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My fiance recently broke up with me. Will we get back together? She is a Leo.

Your natal Venus -- which signifies relationships -- is being squared (90 degree angle) by transiting Uranus, the planet that yearns for freedom and independence. The tension of the square aspect, along with the "sudden break" energy of Uranus, corresponds with the end of your engagement. Additionally, your progressed Moon -- one way to time events -- is currently square your natal Venus and opposite transiting Uranus.

Another more subtle indication that you are undergoing struggle: Transiting Saturn -- planet of delay and hardship -- is conjunct your progressed Sun in Leo. (This goes exact on June 14.)

Transiting Uranus has only passed over, or "hit," your natal Venus for the first of three times. Its first hit was in mid-May; it retrogrades over this point in early August, and then finally passes over Venus the last time in late February of next year. This means that the instability and need for change in your love life will not end until Spring.

Will you get back together? I don't know. However, you can use this time to make the following inquiry: What can you change in your relationship patterns? What rigidity needs to be shaken up?

Your Venus in Gemini wants variety and stimulation, yet it is squared by Saturn in Virgo, adding a need for stability and commitment. This complex is being challenged by transiting Uranus, and you have the opportunity to re-organize your values during this transit.

Uranus opposes your natal Saturn -- which rules your relationship, as Capricorn is on your Descendant -- in March 2009. Essentially, your difficulty expressing love, your fear of affection as symbolized by your Venus-Saturn contact, is being awakened over the next few years. Perhaps, with consciousness, you can loosen your defenses ... and you will be more attractive to women (or your Leo ex, in particular) as a prospect for marriage.

Jeffrey offers private consultations.

Labels: astrology, cancer, leo, saturn, uranus, venus

Most relationship don't work out, and as much as we'd like to blame the other person, we can only change ourselves. The planets in our charts symbolize the variety of urges we have as human beings: to nurture, create, assert, defend, escape, and so on. Although the expression of any planet can be beneficial, our planets can also be alienating to other people.

Only the challenges of Jupiter through Pluto are listed below, because it is often the hard angles they make to the personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) that bring out their dark sides.

Jupiter

As the big planet, Jupiter has a tendency to exaggerate. With challenging aspects, Jupiter can lead to arrogance, evangelism, going beyond what is necessary, overlooking the details, neglecting the fine print in favor of the big picture. Nobody wants to be lectured or proselytized to. And coming off as too big for one's britches is a turn-off.

Saturn

Fear, a sense of inferiority ... we all have our deficiencies, and that's OK. What counts is how we work with them. All too often, Saturn encourages us to build walls of defensiveness to cover over our feelings of not being enough. We become rigid, inflexible. Or we overcompensate to fix our flaws, only to become a workaholic. Discipline is a virtue, but when you deny your vulnerability, it's hard for people to feel close to you.

Uranus

The world need revolutionaries. Otherwise, life would be stagnant and most people would be living under the dominion of monarchs. But sometimes you rebel just so you can differentiate yourself, taking up a cause and provoking people so much that you end up alienating them. It doesn't matter if you're pro-life or an animal rights activitst, there's a way to fight the power without frightening off your friends.

Neptune

Great art and music is often pulled out of thin air, inspired by the muses and the gods. However, Neptune's propensity for escapism can lead you to lose yourself in drink or virtual worlds, neglecting your daily responsibilities. You may not be hitting rock-bottom with your addiction to crack or massively multiplayer online games, but your unavailability makes intimacy an uphill battle.

Pluto

The lord of the underworld can be an agent of transformation, bringing psychological and physical toxins to the surface to enable healing and regeneration. However, Pluto can also be violating and controlling, digging into other people's dirt and manipulating others for his own gain. Although insight into the human psyche and the ability to root out secrets can be used for good, these same talents used inappropriately can betray trust and make people feel like they've been metaphorically raped.

Comment below: What challenging aspects in your own chart sabotage your relationship success?

Labels: astrology, jupiter, neptune, pluto, saturn, uranus

hsat provided a birth time (click chart to view) and asks,

How do you get a scorpio [dated omitted] man to love and trust you if you broke his heart 15 years ago? prior to marriage....been married 8 years and this still comes up. I love him dearly.

Transiting Saturning is approaching a conjunction with your Venus -- planet of relationships -- at 20 Leo. Transiting Saturn was opposing your natal Venus in February 1993, which was a little more than 14 years ago. It was crossing your Ascendant -- and opposing your Seventh House of Intimate Partnership -- from March 1993 to December 1993. Saturn is the planet of hardship and obstacles. The opposition aspect often brings on a need to either end a relationship or make a significant change to make it work. I gather that the relationship ended back then, and that 1/2 a Saturn cycle later, you are needing to revisit this old relationship, to sew up the loose ends. As Saturn approaches its conjunction to Venus, a new cycle -- to last about 29 years -- will start. It is best to wrap things up, so that you can start anew.

As Saturn enters your Seventh House this summer, you can expect challenges in your marriage. Is it meant to last, or do you want to end it so that you can pursue the Scorpio whose heart you broke?

You may want to read:

• How Scorpios get over breakups
• How do you win a Scorpio male's affections for good
• How to get a Scorpio man to change his mind
• How to know when a Scorpio doesn't love you
• How to win a Scorpio back after you have hurt him

Either way, you can expect some difficulty, especially with transiting Neptune opposing your Venus. You cannot see clearly now in matters of love, and are prone to idealization and illusion. It is best to talk things over with objective friend before you make any hasty decisions.

Labels: astrology, saturn, scorpio, seventh house, venus

Pamela provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My Gemini man cheated. Call me crazy (in love that is), but I want him back. So far, I've only read negative compatibility matches for Gemini man/Cancer woman. Does anyone know any successful matches for those signs? (Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise don't count for obvious reasons :) And how do I get him back?

She also wrote the following to me in the IM widget on this blog:

Well, he cheated on me with a Leo girl he thinks is more outgoing and compatible... We sort of broke up because of that, but he keeps calling me and saying he still has feelings for me.

Saturn -- the traditional ruler of your Seventh House cusp (Aquarius) -- is being opposed by transiting Pluto in your Fifth House of romance. Pluto is the planet of betrayal, and oppositions by transit often signify a "culmination" point, in which you either separate or decide to further your commitment. Of course, he was the one who cheated, but you must decide whether you want to continue the relationship. From what you have written, it sounds like he wants you to take him back.

During a Pluto transit to Saturn, you may feel that the structures in your life are being demolished, and that you are being severely constricted. It's a period of break-down, as well as a "no way out" existential crisis. This transit will not be over for you until November. If I were you, I'd be wary of taking him back with the attitude that it's "water under the bridge." This is an opportunity for you to expose the dark side of romantic involvements, not do further burying of the past.

Not surprisingly, your Saturn is in Gemini. You may be attracted to a man with this Sun sign, but your Saturn's conjunction to his Sun (by sign) makes a relationship with him a series of trials. Also, Gemini can be rather restless to a homebody Cancer. Not to say that it's not workable, but be forewarned.

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Labels: astrology, cancer, gemini, saturn, seventh house