The following guest post is by Neith aka Diane Lang.

We get a lot of mixed messages about how to attract and keep a lover or partner. On one hand, we are bombarded with information on how to look desirable, what clothes to wear, which hair products and makeup to use. On the other hand, we are told the importance of being ourselves. Neptune, the planet of illusion, helps us put our best "face" forward, instead of helping us learn about who we really are.

Neptune is often prominently featured in the charts of celebrities who make their living being someone else. This planet helps present an image of glamour and beauty. Marilyn Monroe is a classic example, with Neptune in Leo in her First House -- the before-and-after photos of her transformation from pretty girl to Hollywood glamour queen show just how effective Neptune's illusions can be. And we all know how tragically her life turned out.

We now have a whole new venue to practice the art of deception when attempting to meet potential lovers these days -- the Internet. It's amazing what even the smallest amount of tweaking with Photoshop can do to make us look much better in a photograph than we are in cold, hard reality. If we have a strong Neptune aspect to our Sun, Moon or Ascendant -- especially by square or opposition -- we will be very tempted to "improve" on nature. Those who have Neptune conjunct the Ascendant are particularly good at projecting a facade. The question is ... do we want to?

My advice from personal experience ... Don't do it! When Neptune transited my Ascendant and went over Venus in the First House, there were so many projections and false expectations going on that I didn't have a clue! After Neptune moved on, it felt like sobering up after a night of heavy partying. And I had to go back and start all over figuring out who I was, how I was presenting myself, what I wanted, and so on.

A good look at your natal chart by an unbiased astrologer -- not yourself -- can be very helpful in determining what part Neptune is playing, if any. The bottom line is that we can only maintain an illusion so long before the facade comes crumbling down, and the real person stands there exposed. That's when we learn Saturn can be our best friend ... because his lessons are always grounded in reality.

About the Author
Neith AKA Diane Lang writes a blog on Synastry at Neith on Synastry, where she writes posts answering relationship questions from readers and does the occasional post on how the outer planets in particular affect our ability to relate. She also has another blog, Neith.net, which covers a broad range of topics relating to Astrology and her life. If you enjoy her style and are interested in having her take a look at your chart, she does written reports for a reasonable fee too.

Read more guest posts by Neith:

• Natal Pluto Aspects -- A Cautionary Tale

More on Neptune:

• Pluto vs. Neptune: How do you process your emotions?
• Embrace Your Longing
  

Labels: astrology, neptune

Diggy provided a birth time for the empty Seventh House case study (click chart to view).

As a fastidious Virgo Rising, you have "dude, whatever" Pisces on your Descendant. Like Aquarius in yesterday's post, the last sign of the zodiac has two ruling planets. Pisces' traditional ruler is Jupiter, planet of philosophy, idealism and expansion. Neptune, Pisces' modern ruler, was discovered in the 19th century, during the rise of Spiritualism. The God of the Seas concerns mystical yearnings, dissolution of boundaries, the urge to transcend mundane reality. Sounds like Pisces, don't it?

With a Capricorn Sun and Virgo on your Ascendant, you're a fairly structured person, and a little water goes a long way in keeping you from drying out. That's where Pisces comes in. Your fantasy life is focused on the ideal mate, and a relationship may indeed help you move beyond humdrum reality. However, Pisces is the sign of delusion, deception and confusion -- your (potential) spouse may just be a lying, cheating ne'er-do-well. You may be drawn to musicians, poets, addicts, artists, monks, nuns, zookeepers and aides at your local lunatic asylum.

The co-ruling planets of your Seventh House happen to oppose each other (a 180-degree angle). Jupiter is in stable Taurus in your Eighth House of Sex, Death and Shared Investments, while Neptune is in seductive Scorpio in your Second House of Possessions, Finances and Self-Worth. Both the signs and houses inhabited by these planets concern money and value, as well as that fixed-sign possessiveness all too familiar to Taurus and Scorpio. A significant relationship would bring up issues around power, security, and how you share money. Perhaps your spouse would work in the fields of finance or psychotherapy or weed-killing.

Since Jupiter and Neptune oppose each other, the New-Age vibe of having Pisces on your Seventh House cusp is multiplied, exaggerated ... bloated. Jupiter expands the strong Neptunian tendency to leave consensual reality, while Neptune's suggestive influence leads Jupiter to philosophize about mediums, mystics and marijuana.

Use your practical Cap Sun and Virgo Ascendant and Mars to prevent some guy or gal from pulling the wool over your eyes and stealing your inheritance.

Labels: astrology, jupiter, neptune, pisces, seventh house

Mushie73 (a woman in her early- to mid-thirties) included her birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I believe I have an empty seventh house, which may explain why I have never been married. I've been told by previous astrologers that I am 'astrologically' attractive to men (venus in Libra, gemini ASC) and I do flirt quite a bit and have many men who seem interested in me, but nothing very serious has ever come out of any relationship I've had. It's like I get attention from men, but nothing overtly serious. I'm one of those women who always get's the comment "I can't believe YOU've never been married? Well...I wish I knew why...am I right to in thinking I don't have any planets in my 7th House? I have a chart of my planets and from looking at it, I don't.

Although you technically do not have any planets in your Seventh House, Neptune -- planet of illusion and fantasy -- sits just two degrees from your Seventh House cusp. Any planet within five degrees of an angle (Ascendant, Descendant, Imum Coeli, Midheaven) is particularly strong in the horoscope, and can be considered part of the next house if it is before the angle. So I would consider your Neptune to be in your Seventh House. (To be precise, it is a bridge between your Sixth and Seventh Houses, and could impact both areas of your chart.)

Neptune on the Seventh House cusp (Descendant) signifies a need to find God in a partner. You have strong ideals both about marriage and a potential husband, and it is near impossible for any mortal to live up to your fantasies.

Neptune is also the planet of sacrifice and dissolution of boundaries -- you have difficulty separating your needs from those of a mate, giving up too much of yourself to make a relationship work. As a Leo, the last role you want to play is that of the martyr!

You may also be attracted to Neptunian types, which are usually those men who are not very good at taking care of mundane matters like paying their rent: musicians, addicts, or just guys with their head so high in the clouds that they can't make ends meet.

This pattern is exacerbated by a square from your Sun to Neptune. You feel special, and you don't want to fall from your throne, yet your attraction to the Neptunian element in relationships threatens to bring you down. The Sun also signifies important men in your life, so a Sun-Neptune aspect also contributes to your attraction to men who need to be taken care of.

In sum, Neptune on the Seventh brings disappointment.

I can see that you want a serious, deep relationship, with Venus -- the love planet -- conjunct intense Pluto and square commitment-craving Saturn. However, feelings that you don't deserve love -- and that true intimacy is delivered in controlled, miniscule drops through an I.V. drip -- may hinder your success in developing a partnership.

However, all this is hiding behind a chatty Gemini Moon and Ascendant and a shiny Leo Sun. Men may come into the relationship expecting one thing and getting quite another, as they confront your idealistic fantasies and contradictory need for fine control over your love life. I recognize that an unmarried woman in her thirties may fear that she will never find the right man. I won't say that the factors delineated above are the reason why you are not married, but it cannot hurt to take an honest look at your complex emotional baggage around love. With greater awareness, you may be able to minimize the negative impact of some of these challenging planetary placements.

Labels: astrology, leo, neptune, seventh house

Natalie provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

Everything has been confused, unstable, sometimes sweet, sometimes demented in my romantic life for about the past year. What gives?

The Saturn-Neptune opposition in the sky -- which is just now starting to wrap up -- has been transiting your Eighth House Leo planets. This house concerns emotional and sexual intimacy. Your sexual planets -- Mars and Pluto -- are here, along with Mercury in Leo and your Virgo Sun. The confusion, instability and sweetness you experience can be attributed to the influence of Neptune. This planet concerns the desire to move beyond one's identification with the small self, merging with the All and recognizing the illusory nature of boundaries. This mystically-inclined planet sometimes brings sweetness and light, but other times it brings just plain ol' delusion. When boundaries dissolve, it is hard to see the difference between me and you, between fantasy and reality. One's "ground" dissolves, one cannot see clearly.

Add to this the influence of Saturn, the boundary-maker. The structures Saturn builds are worn down by Neptune's streams. The god of pragmatism bursts Neptune's bubble of idealism and fantasy, leading to total disillusionment.

Apply all this to the depths of closeness you experience in a romantic relationship, and you are bound to eventually feel demented! Fortunately, Saturn will be leaving Leo this fall, although it's conjunction to your Sun and opposition to your Pisces Moon will bring some serious gravity to your life. And slow-moving Neptune's opposition to the rest of your Eighth House planets won't lift for quite a while. The confusion may continue, but you're less likely to feel the hardship in your love life when Saturn has moved on.

Labels: astrology, neptune, saturn

Since Eme Kah's recent comment on Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems, I have been thinking about how we deal with our emotions. From a psychological perspective, we learn to be with our feelings from our interactions with our mothers (or primary parent.) The mother-child bond is governed by Cancer and this sign's ruling 'planet,' the Moon. Your mother -- through her mirroring of your emotional state -- teaches you how to identify your feelings. No doubt, most of us are reared with less-than-ideal mirroring -- our parents don't reflect back to us our inner worlds, and we grow up not being able to identify or tolerate our feelings.

Of the three water signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- the latter two are ruled by modern planets: Pluto rules Scorpio, and Neptune rules Pisces. Scorpionic people process their feelings in a completely different way from Piscean people. (By Scorpionic, I mean having planets in Scorpio or strong Pluto contacts. By Piscean, having planets in Pisces or strong Neptune contacts.)

Pluto goes deep, and Pisces transcends or escapes. Scorpios are so intense because they dig into their emotions, turning over every rock, exploring every crevice to expose any unacknowledged feeling, image or memory. Due to the nature of being a fixed sign, Scorpio does not give up, and has the stamina to excavate its skeletons until there's nothing left to unearth.

Pisces, on the other hand, is best at experiencing emotions through art. Pisces is not an investigator or psychoanalyst like Scorpio. Rather, the last sign of the zodiac is a dancer, a musician, a poet. This sign's gift is expressing the ineffable through the creative act. Music, for example, is so powerful at conveying emotions that when we hear a song that resonates with our inner experience, it "hooks into" our minds and bodies -- we play it again to help us access and identify our feeling state. The musican "matches" what we often feel we cannot express through rational thought.

The dark side of Neptune/Pisces, however, is escapism. It is not a surprise that so many musicians are also addicts. The creative act is an immersive experience that can both be cathartic and exhausting. And frankly, Piscean types can easily feel overwhelmed by both their emotions and their environment, such that they turn to drugs and daydreams to dull the knife of painful affect.

Scorpionic types thrive on the knife, for this sign's traditional ruler is Mars, governor of weapons. The knife separates. The talent of the private dick or the shrink is their ability to differentiate between the clues that solve the case, and those that lead nowhere. It is the Scorpio who tells you to to cut the crap.

There is no separation for the Piscean. Remember The Matrix, when the bald child being trained by the Oracle says to Neo, "There is no spoon"? Well, there's no knife, either. Because Pisces cannot draw a line in the sand, this sign goes swimming instead.

The dark side of the Scorpionic person is extremism. They draw a line in the sand, and get so stuck in either/or that they totally embrace one side while disavowing the other. And as with any polarity, the neglected side has to be expressed. Scorpio goes all out in one direction, only to cross the line and forget where they just were, or they attract someone to adopt the opposing perspective. There can only be a power struggle when there's something to fight over.

Comment below: How do you process your feelings, and how does this approach impact your relationships?

Labels: astrology, neptune, pisces, pluto, scorpio

Most relationship don't work out, and as much as we'd like to blame the other person, we can only change ourselves. The planets in our charts symbolize the variety of urges we have as human beings: to nurture, create, assert, defend, escape, and so on. Although the expression of any planet can be beneficial, our planets can also be alienating to other people.

Only the challenges of Jupiter through Pluto are listed below, because it is often the hard angles they make to the personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) that bring out their dark sides.

Jupiter

As the big planet, Jupiter has a tendency to exaggerate. With challenging aspects, Jupiter can lead to arrogance, evangelism, going beyond what is necessary, overlooking the details, neglecting the fine print in favor of the big picture. Nobody wants to be lectured or proselytized to. And coming off as too big for one's britches is a turn-off.

Saturn

Fear, a sense of inferiority ... we all have our deficiencies, and that's OK. What counts is how we work with them. All too often, Saturn encourages us to build walls of defensiveness to cover over our feelings of not being enough. We become rigid, inflexible. Or we overcompensate to fix our flaws, only to become a workaholic. Discipline is a virtue, but when you deny your vulnerability, it's hard for people to feel close to you.

Uranus

The world need revolutionaries. Otherwise, life would be stagnant and most people would be living under the dominion of monarchs. But sometimes you rebel just so you can differentiate yourself, taking up a cause and provoking people so much that you end up alienating them. It doesn't matter if you're pro-life or an animal rights activitst, there's a way to fight the power without frightening off your friends.

Neptune

Great art and music is often pulled out of thin air, inspired by the muses and the gods. However, Neptune's propensity for escapism can lead you to lose yourself in drink or virtual worlds, neglecting your daily responsibilities. You may not be hitting rock-bottom with your addiction to crack or massively multiplayer online games, but your unavailability makes intimacy an uphill battle.

Pluto

The lord of the underworld can be an agent of transformation, bringing psychological and physical toxins to the surface to enable healing and regeneration. However, Pluto can also be violating and controlling, digging into other people's dirt and manipulating others for his own gain. Although insight into the human psyche and the ability to root out secrets can be used for good, these same talents used inappropriately can betray trust and make people feel like they've been metaphorically raped.

Comment below: What challenging aspects in your own chart sabotage your relationship success?

Labels: astrology, jupiter, neptune, pluto, saturn, uranus

Demetria provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I have been in a relationship with a scorpio male for a yr. he cheated on me with a libra female 3 months into the relationship because he said I was yelling too much and smoking. He lied to me constantly about EVERYTHING. He swore he was in love with me and I was his dream girl but still cheated. She eventually dumped him and we got back together. (i eventually stopped the things he didnt like) he now swears he loves me, realizes he screwed up and wants to marry me. Is he really in love with me now or did he just come back by default?

Around April 2006, transiting Uranus -- the planet of unpredictability and independence -- entered your Seventh House of Partnership, which would have coincided with the beginning of your relationship with this Scorpio man. When Uranus enters this house, your partnership(s) are shaken up ... you experience an awakening in how you relate to significant others.

After its retrograde period -- when Uranus apparently moved backwards into your Sixth House -- this revolutionary planet re-entered your Seventh House around February of this year. Now the real work begins, and there is more change on the horizon. Uranus is approaching an opposition to your Virgo Sun, which rules your Twelfth House of secret love affairs. During this life-changing transit, you experience radical breakthroughs, an awakening of your self-expression, and a need to do things your own way, however unconventional. However, this transit is an opposition, with transiting Uranus in your Seventh House. Both the aspect and the house concern relationships, so your love life is the realm through which you will undergo an electric makeover. As such, you may feel that change is being thrust upon you, not that you are a conscious agent of your own revolution of self. And I hate to break it to you ... this transit is going to last a long time. Uranus stations retrograde at 18 Pisces -- one degree from your 19 Virgo Sun -- in June of this year, and passes 19 Pisces for the last time in January 2009.

Given the placement of transiting Uranus, the nature of the opposition aspect, and your Sun's association with hidden things, I would not expect any sense of relationship stability for the next 18 months.

About the lying: Pisces and Neptune are associated with deception. Pisces sits on your Seventh House cusp, and your Sun (men) squares Neptune. Transiting Uranus has also been stimulating your natal Neptune. You may have a pattern of being drawn to men who are deceptive, or at least escapist in nature.

I haven't answered your question. I don't know if he's in love with you. I do have two suggestions:

1. Don't get married until 2009.
2. Use this relationship as a vessel in which you learn -- through the Uranian principle of change -- that you, my dear Virgo, have less control than you think.

Jeffrey offers private consultations.

Labels: astrology, neptune, pisces, scorpio, uranus, virgo