I had a female client the other day who reported fantasies of being impregnated by her lover. His Mars was conjunct her Moon.

I don't usually think of the Moon as a sexy planet, but in a woman's chart, how can it not be tied to sex? The Moon is the mother-child matrix, pregnancy, birth. Women get more horny while they're ovulating. (One study showed that strippers got the most tips during this part of their cycle!) It's not a conscious thing, but as there's a biological imperative to make babies, a women will want to have sex, if only for this reason. (Pleasure be damned!) Mars, of course, is the planet of virility. A man's Mars would energize or stimulate a woman's Moon, such that she'd want to carry his baby.

Yet this aspect also contains the seeds of irritability and moodiness. One scenario I imagine is a woman who needs to be nurtured or cared for, while her guy is being brash and selfish, not being sensitive or attuned to her emotional needs. (Of course, the sign placement will modulate the expression of the Moon and Mars in their respective charts.)

Another expression of this "meeting" is that the man will be protective of the woman (using aggression, if necessary). From the perspective of evolutionary biology, if she is indeed carrying his child, it is in his self-interest to make sure the baby survives, because he wants to increase his chances of passing on his genetic material.

Comment below: Do you have Moon-Mars natally or in synastry? How does this aspect play out in your life or relationship?

Labels: mars, moon

How many relationships are destroyed once two people move in together? Cohabitation is a rite of passage in long-term partnership, but the ability to live under one roof is not terribly related to sexual compatibility, the ability to talk for hours, and so on.

So why is there an inevitable progression towards shared housing after having been serious for a while? To save money? To avoid loneliness? Surely -- one reasons -- if you sleep together every night, you may as well share a kitchen, living room and toilet.

But sharing a home can be so difficult that sometimes you're better off permanently keeping your own apartment or room. Everyone comes from a unique family environment, which they consider normal. It is only when, as a child, you visit other friends' homes that you understand that your family's way is not the way. However, it's hard to adapt to someone else's idea of home, even if you don't like the way your parents ran theirs.

The Moon and Your Home

The Moon is the planet that signifies home and family. It describes your experience of your mother (or the nurturing parent) and what you need to feel comforted or "at home." In addition, the Moon describes your habitual responses to life. In the astrological alphabet, the Moon corresponds with the Fourth House. The beginning of this house -- the angle called the IC or Imum Coeli -- is especially important, as the sign on it describes your roots and your heritage, as well as your home and family. One way to differentiate between the Moon and the Fourth House is by looking at the former as how you go about meeting your comforting needs, and the latter as the area of life that corresponds with this theme.

Two Moons: Collision or Cohesion?

When looking at cohabitation compatibility, the easiest strategy is to compare your Moon signs. The Moon sign will describe the general tenor of how you experience home life. Remember that home is ideally where you feel safe -- otherwise, you're just living in a house, protected from the elements but not from the emotional torrents of relationship conflict. Ideally, your Moon sign would share the same polarity as your partner's. Positive signs are Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) and Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius). Negative signs are Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) and Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn). In general, the positive signs are outgoing and the negative signs are introverted.

• An AIR home needs conversation, games, lots of mental stimulation.
• A FIRE home needs entertainment, play, an environment that invites creative inspiration -- even some battles to get the energy moving.
• A WATER home is emotional and fosters closeness, empathy and self-exploration.
• An EARTH home needs a sense of order and productivity. It fosters sensuality and a close connection to nature.

If you look at composite charts, look to your composite Moon's sign and house placement.

Your Daily Routine

Another factor to look at when you're considering moving in together is how you organize your day. What "groove" do you fall into? Are you most productive early in the day or at night? Do you exercise often or are you a couch potato? Do you snack on prepackaged foods all day, or do you love to spend an hour preparing an exquisite meal?

Much of this can be described by your Sixth House. Look at the sign on the cusp, as well as the planets -- if any -- that occupy it. Then look at your partner's. If you lounge on the couch browsing blogs while your partner feels like a house servant, you may have a problem.

Taking the Leap

In conclusion, to be well-informed before moving in together, you can look at

• your respective Moon's signs, houses and aspects
• the sign on the cusp of the Sixth House in both your charts, as well as the planets that occupy this house
• the angles your respective planets make to each other's Moon
• your composite Moon
  

You may decide to cohabitate even if you aren't terribly compatible in these areas, because both social pressures and the desire to create one's own family are so powerful. The key is to enter this arrangement with an understanding of how you both differ -- and what you have in common -- in how you "live." Then, you can co-create a home that meets your respective needs and minimizes conflicts that arise from your differences.

Comment below: Are you living with a partner? What are your Moon signs, and how would you describe how you both approach the household?

Photo by desi.italy under Creative Commons license

Labels: moon

We all have a "type," an idealized image of a man or woman. This attraction matches an archetypal pattern within ourselves, corresponding with Venus or Mars. Yet, often who we end up with more closely matches the Moon or Sun in our charts. I like to think of these four planets as symbolic of the four people cards of each suit in the Tarot. Venus is the princess or page, Mars is the prince or knight, the Moon is the queen, and the Sun is the king. When we are young, we are drawn to the princess and prince archetypes, but as we age, we ultimately settle down with the queen or king. Astrologically, a straight woman may fall for Mars but end up with her Sun, while a straight man may fall for Venus but end up with his Moon. (Many articles about the astrology of same-sex love can be found at astroqueer. I'm assuming if you're a gay man you'd look at Mars and the Sun, and Venus/Moon if you're a lesbian, but some would argue that many of the asteroid goddesses are relevant for the latter.)

In the comments section of Do you love your man for your Venus, BalancedSag writes

I definitely get really close and bonded with a venus/talking/communicating type of guy, and then end up with a mars/masculine type somehow instead EVERY TIME.... Maybe its that I am a fire sign and the masculine type of guy (cave man) moves that fire in me more. It is not always worth it though. The water in me (scorpio) ends up feeling soooo neglected (like right now, for example!!).

Even though she feels close to Mars in Scorpio (a feminine polarity Water sign), she ends up with her Sun in Sagittarius (a masculine polarity Fire sign).

A Personal Example

I have Pluto opposite Venus in Pisces. I've had a pattern of being consumed with wispy, willowy artist/poet/dancer types, yet the woman I've ultimately chosen to be with has a chart congruent with my Sixth House unaspected Moon in Aquarius. She's smart, independent and unconventional (Sun square Uranus, the modern ruler of Aquarius) and very focused on health and order/organization (Venus in Virgo, several Sixth House planets).

You're Not My Type

When you automatically refuse someone's advances because he doesn't fit the image of who you want, which part of your chart is talking? And how do you even know who's good for you? Maybe being with your Moon or Sun scares you, and you'd rather be with Venus or Mars. One reason for this fear may be that the Sun and Moon are the archetypes of the father and mother. Does a guy really want a girl just like the girl who married dear old Dad? It is actually all too easy to choose someone similar to a parent because your mother or father forms the template by which you understand and judge adults of the gender to whom you are attracted.

Of course, different planets express their needs depending on your life priorities. If your biological clock is ticking, you're coming from your Moon, and looking more for a Sun than a Mars. If you're looking for adventure and excitement, you may be looking for Mars instead of a Sun. Likewise, a guy may search for the Moon when he wants to settle down and start a family, after he has sowed his wild oats with multiple Venuses. (Or he just stays with his wife and cheats on her with a younger woman.)

These are grand generalizations, and the astrology of desire and mating is more complex than outlined above. But I'd love to hear thoughts!

Comment below: If you're a woman, what are your Mars and Sun signs, what kind of guy are you attracted to, and what decade of life are you in? And if you're a guy, what are your Venus and Moon signs?

First photo by brokenchopstick, second by Dianna Williams under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, sun, venus

Many women don't want to put with a guy who doesn't appreciate her Mars, whether she likes to spar or play Halo. We are no longer confined to rigid fifties era gender roles, but people vary in the degree to which they successfully integrate their masculine and feminine selves. I've written elsewhere about men's ability to be with their feelings, suggesting that guys are still raised to choose the rational over the emotional. The article was a reaction to a woman's comment on this blog about her Cancer boyfriend's crying. If women want to be embraced for their masculine tendencies, shouldn't men be embraced equally for their feminine sides?

The feminine planets

There are two planets that symbolize the feminine: the Moon and Venus. Crying would fit under the Moon. This celestial body relates to the instinct to nurture, to belong. The Moon governs habits, instinctual responses, what makes us feel comfortable. Some lunar qualities don't really correspond to gender, yet others -- like "mothering" and having a strong feeling life -- are traditionally feminine. In a man's chart, the Moon may signify the wife.

Venus signifies the young woman to whom a man is attracted. But this planet is much more than that. In addition to governing relationships, Venus is all about charm, compromise, the ability to attract and seduce. This planet also relates to our values and preferences -- what we love. Venus is an "art" planet, and often a prominent Venus will correspond with artistic or musical talent, as She rules aesthetics, beauty and graceful form.

No doubt, a man who exhibits grace, manners and charm can be quite attractive (think Libra, which is ruled by Venus). Yet, via our cultural definitions, when does a man's Venusian side get characterized pejoratively as feminine? Homophobia is still widespread, and combined with sexism, a man's limp wrist or exquisite fashion sense may be seen as less "manly." Witness the metrosexual craze a few years ago, when a hetero guy got manicures and spent $200 on jeans. Just by virtue of taking care of his looks, doubt was cast upon his sexuality. Some women find this hot, yet others are attracted to a "guy's guy."

The devaluation of the feminine

We still live in a patriarchy, in which men have more power (and hence value) than women. Hence, it may be more "OK" for a woman to get a black belt in karate or play World of Warcraft than for a guy to get a facial and spent lots of money on hair products, or for a boy to go to ballet class. I (Sun, Mercury and Venus in Pisces) have always gravitated towards fields that are dominated by women: literary magazine in high school, counseling psychology in grad school, astrology later in life, expressive dance throughout my adulthood. And as "valuable" as literature, education, social work and the arts are, they don't pay. Big business and engineering do. Do you see a pattern? If teachers hold the key to our children's futures, why are their salaries so low? Could it be because they are predominantly women?

Nurturing and beauty, the Moon and Venus. Men need both, but they detach themselves from integrating these archetypes, choosing instead to get their lunar and Venusian needs met through women -- going for trophy wives, arm candy (objectification of women) or looking to their wives and girlfriends to "mommy" them instead of finding ways to express their own nurturing and aesthetic impulses.

So, the question is: What are women's attitudes towards men who are able to integrate these qualities, even if it makes them apparently less "manly" according to our rigid cultural stereotypes? And is this just an "American" thing? Please share your thoughts below.

Photos by icanteachyouhowtodoit under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, venus

I've recently been reading books on seduction and dating from the perspective of both genders. The basic premise I've been encountering -- regardless of which camp you belong to -- is that we are attracted to people who are not too available. When someone is 100% open to you, there's no challenge, and you get bored. "Cat string theory" (a term I encountered in Neil Strauss' The Game) states that when you stop dangling string in front of a cat and just let it sit there, the cat gets bored and walks away. You have to keep on dangling to keep its interest.

This of course is Mars in action. Mars wants a challenge, a fight. A guy wants to work hard to win over a girl, and a girl wants a guy who's not all needy and desperate. According to Darwinism 101 (aka evolutionary psychology), a man is naturally competitive and wants the woman with the greatest hip-to-waist ratio to bear his child. Conversely, a woman wants an alpha-male to ensure that she and her child will be protected. One pickup artist named Mystery (mentioned in The Game) states that despite cultural and technological advances, we're still slaves to our biological drives that worked for us tens of thousands of years ago, when we lived in small tribes.

Manipulation

A friend of mine mentioned that her office colleague comes in with new ideas to snag a boyfriend. One tip -- called "doing a coyote" -- involves a woman going to a guy's house for the first time after dating for a while, having sex, and then leaving in the middle of the night while he's sleeping. Presumably the intended effect is to make the man feel insecure so that he'll work harder to keep the woman, as well as make him feel more attracted to her because she's not 100% available to him. He was probably looking forward to cooking breakfast for her -- he's not just into the sex, you know!

Manipulative tactics such as this are under the domain of Scorpio, which is traditionally ruled by Mars. Are we to assume that -- to succeed in the dating world -- we must resort to competition and mind-games?

Yet it is true that without distance from a perceived goal or outcome, Mars has nothing to do. We get angry when somebody blocks us from something we desire. We strive towards a goal that we have not yet attained. Some couples fight just so they can have make-up sex -- they use Mars to create some space between themselves, presumably because emotional enmeshment is not a turn-on.

There is some wisdom to Mars. Members of couples who have enough separation are healthier than those who are codependent. If both people in a partnership have their own hobbies, friends they go out with, and so on, then they develop their own distinct identities, they are not just one-half of a relationship unit. They continue to feel attracted to each other because there is a gap to bridge.

Mars gives us the drive to go out into the world, initially impelling us to separate from our mothers. Then the Moon impels us to come back for security and nurturing. In developmental psychology, this is called rapprochement.

In the dating world, it is the Moon in people that is apparently a turn-off. Neediness, clinginess, waiting by the phone, "I need you" ... it is these behaviors that often drive someone away. It is one thing to flirt and send flowers (Venus), it is another to call someone up and say, "I can't live without you."

Lunar Longing

Perhaps it is the child in us that sabotages dating success. Our first template for relationships is the mother-child bond. As adults, we have unfulfilled needs, and we expect that our infantile fantasies -- we will be taken care of, all of our emotional needs will be met, we will be enveloped in love and warmth -- will be met by a man or woman. However, most adults don't want to be parents to a partner. Parenting implies being with someone 24/7, having no space or time to develop one's own interests. That's what it's like raising an infant.

There is a healthy medium between Cancerian neediness and Scorpionic manipulation in dating. You can be confident and independent (Aries). You don't have to play mind-games, trap someone with an unexpected pregnancy or play the helpless waif who needs a strong protector.

First photo by ienasequence, second by Miss Loisy, third by lou & magoo under CC license.

Labels: aries, cancer, mars, moon, scorpio

I first heard the Gretchen Wilson song 'If You Want a Mother' a few days ago, and I found the lyrics amusing. (Read them above in the widget.) It is not uncommon for a man who has been coddled by his mother to expect similar treatment from his wife. However, a woman does not want her husband to be a son, she wants him to be a man. And she is not turned on by taking care of someone who does not own up to the responsibilities of being an adult.

In this song, Gretchen sings that if her guy wants her to be a mother, he needs to be home by nine or else he's "grounded for the weekend." In addition, "big boys have to sleep in their own bed," so she'll tuck him in, but she sure as hell ain't giving him her Venus.

And isn't that what it's about, the split between the Moon (mother/child bond) and Venus (adult pleasures)? In a man's chart, the Moon symbolizes the wife and Venus symbolizes the hot young thang. How does he integrate these two archetypal images?

Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, we all pretty much want both in a relationship: to be nurtured and cared for, and to have hot sex. Some guys experience the Madonna/Whore split: The wife becomes a mother, and he has difficulty perceiving her as a sexually desirable person ... so he finds a mistress instead to meet his Venusian needs.

Read The Moon-Venus Conflict for more on the Madonna/Whore split. And for more on the eternal boy, read Peter Pan and Wendy, Gemini and Cancer.

Comment below: How do you experience men who look to you to be mothered, and how do you respond to them?

Labels: astrology, moon, venus

Do you look to your partner to mother you? Does your love life fluctuate as often as the ebb and flow of the tides? Have you chosen ice cream over marriage? If any of these symptoms apply to you, you're a candidate for Moon in the Seventh House disorder. Consult a professional immediately!

The horoscope is broken up into twelve sections called houses, each of which symbolizes a different area of life. The Seventh House is the portion of the sky just above the western horizon at the moment of your birth. Any planets that were setting when you popped out of your mother are in this house. It is the area of your chart that concerns significant partnerships, whether marital or business.

The Moon symbolizes mother, child, wife, home, food ... the whole family matrix. It is also the planet of emotions, the past, and instinctual habits. The Moon relates to how we nurture ourselves and others, as well as what gives us a sense of belonging.

If you're born with the Moon in your Seventh House, you will try to get your lunar needs met within a partnership. There can be a lot of caretaking in a marriage or with clients or a business partner. You may seek a maternal partner or take on that role yourself. Codependency is possible, as you may put the other's needs above your own. (Your Moon sign will dictate how you nurture.)

The Moon moves through a whole cycle in about 28 days, so fluctuation will occur in whatever House the Moon inhabits. You can expect some inconsistency in your partnerships -- not the sudden changes brought on by Uranus in the Seventh, but more like subtle shifts, changes in mood.

And since the Moon rules food and other ways that we 'feed' ourselves, you may choose to marry your refrigerator ... because lemon meringue pie doesn't ask where you were last night.

Some useful interpretations from elsewhere:

You are very open and responsive to the needs of others, and you have to take in their feelings whether you want to or not. You choose partners that are sensitive and emotional types, but they'll tend to be unstable if your moon is weakened by sign or aspect. Your feelings go through a lot of changes in regard to your partners, yet they mean a lot to you. They're a primary source of strength, and you look to them for support and encouragement. In fact, you may feel that its difficult for you to get in touch with your own feelings other than within the context of a relationship. (MyAstrologyBook)

Moon in the Seventh House can give a moody partner. Conversely, your attitude towards the partner and partnerships in general constantly changes and goes through cycles. The partner will either tend to be good at domestic tasks and will "mother" you (this goes for both men and women) or will shift the domestic burdens to you and demand that you mother them. You yourself may become moodier after marriage (don’t we all! But not as much as this) or, more positively, more expressive emotionally. (BobMarksAstrologer)

Comment below: If you have Moon in the Seventh, how do you see it manifest?

Related Posts:

• Uranus in the Seventh House
• The Moon-Venus Conflict
• What does it mean to have a Seventh House Sun?
  

Labels: astrology, moon, seventh house

The combination of these two feminine signs can manifest in a number of ways. The Moon symbolizes the mother, the child, the wife, the public. Our needs for belonging, nurturing and safety come under Luna's domain. Venus concerns our values, our sensuality, our erotic connections. She is symbolized by the young woman, the maiden.

Just looking at the characters representing these archetypes, we see a conflict between the mother and the young woman. Liz Greene has written on this in her Seminars in Psychological Astrology series. In a woman's chart, the native may experience a need to push away the mother to develop her own burgeoning sexuality. In a man's chart, the native may experience a split between these two archetypes, resulting in a difficulty in marriage. He may have trouble seeing the erotic maiden in his wife, and attempt to meet these two archetypes in different women. This is a frequent problem, of course, in the male psyche: Once the wife becomes a mother, can he see her as the sexually alluring young woman he met before she became his wife? Or does he seek out a young woman with whom to have an affair, while he maintains a family?

On a more emotional level, there is a conflict between one's emotional needs (Moon) and one's needs for approval (Venus). A native with a Moon-Venus square may give up her emotional needs for sake of being treasured and valued. For example, she may enter into a sexual relationship, while giving up on having her feeling life satisfied by her lover. Or if she chooses a man with whom she can feel "at home," the sex life is virtually nonexistent.

Overall, the challenge of combining family (Moon) and Eros (Venus) is symbolized by this planetary combination. There is a taboo in integrating the two (witness the primal scene of the child walking in on her parents making love), yet sensuality is an undeniable part of the family matrix. The challenge is to bring Eros into the home in an appropriate manner, by knowing where to set the boundaries. Salon.com advice columnist Cary Tennis recently responded to a stepmother who was hot for her 17 year old stepson. Obviously, Cary suggested she be the mother (Moon), not the lover (Venus), while still respecting that it was OK to have those feelings.

Comment below: Share your experience with Moon-Venus aspects.

Thanks to Noctule's Moon-Venus gripes in the comments section for inspiring this post.

Labels: astrology, moon, venus