anonomys writes,

I'm separated with 2 kids and i joined yahoo personals. This guy Capricorn found me and sent me a wink so i responded and we hit it off instantly!! It's now been a month. he's told me he's scared and he feels comfortable with me. our chemistry is great! the problem is he's separated with 2 boys and i think he might be confused. we've had 4 dates but texting and calling all the time. I feel like i've known him forever and he says the same to me. he also says that it's effortless with me. he told me he doesn't understand how i came into his life. I feel like he does like me and is attracted to me but this past weekend when we were together he left me feeling rejected. We were having sex and he lost his stamina. He continued to be sweet and caress me but then in the morning he became aloof. Then he asked me if i was mad about what happened because i seemed off. I responded no and left soon after. He walked me out, kissed me, and hasn't called me since. That was yesterday morning. He hasn't missed a day yet.

I know he's confused and he has a lot on his plate. i don't know what to do. i'm not going to contact him. is that right? do you think he'll contact me or is he cutting his loses? if i don't hear from him, should i let him know how i felt?

Your Capricorn boyfriend (view chart) has Mars -- planet of sexuality and the male ego -- in well-controlled (and long-lasting) Scorpio. With a placement like this, it is possible that losing his erection during the sexual act is a rare occurrence. Scorpio is a fixed sign, which suggests determination and the ability to "carry it through" until the end.

There are many reasons why a guy might lose his hard-on. Anxiety is a frequent cause. He may have put pressure on himself to perform -- and as a Capricorn, he probably has high expectations of himself. But sometimes a guy can lose it if the moment just doesn't feel right -- his body simply communicates his feelings about the relationship.

Over the weekend, there was a Grand Earth Trine, which means that three planets were in Earth signs, all making supportive 120-degree angles to each other. Pluto has recently entered Capricorn, Saturn just stationed direct at 1 degree Virgo, and Venus recently entered Taurus. Your guy's Mars is at 1 degree Scorpio, so Venus opposed it while Saturn and Pluto are (still) sextiling it. The Venus-Mars influence would have been great for lovemaking, as an opposition between the planets of love and sex creates steam -- and Taurus and Scorpio are two of the sexiest signs in the zodiac. However, Saturn and Pluto are both heavy planets. Their sextile to his Mars wouldn't create lots of stress, but they still have an influence.

Saturn apparently stopped moving backwards this past Friday. Anytime a planet stations retrograde or direct, its archetypal energy is potent. Saturn is your guy's ruling planet, so he would be especially sensitive to its movement. A Saturn-Mars contact can relate to the restriction or obstruction of desire or sexual potency. I imagine this is the culprit. Saturn didn't cause his "lack of stamina" to happen -- we'd have to look at the details of his life to see what's going on, and as I don't have his exact birth time, I don't know what house Saturn is transiting in his chart. But a Saturn station can bring a feeling of deficiency in whichever house it transits.

Regardless, he probably feels shame about what happened, as well as anger -- at himself, maybe even you if he can't "own it." I suggest you be honest with him. Just tell him that you're OK with what happened, that you find him vital and sexy. That you're sure both of you are nervous and excited about where this relationship is going. And that you want to to be there for him to talk about his fears. You (view chart) can do this -- you're a Cancer, after all. And with a Sun-Saturn conjunction, a Cap is an appropriate match for you. So don't let him run away!

~ Jeffrey

Labels: capricorn, mars, scorpio

On Wednesday, Venus sextiles Neptune. The planet of love is in sporty, outgoing Sagittarius. Making a soft 60-degree angle to Neptune -- planet of spiritual transcendence and cheap wine -- she indulges in dreams of romance without getting too bogged down in emotional goo. However, her fantasies grow to ever-expanding proportions ... and when she finds out the guy she met online isn't a lacrosse-loving grad student but a pudgy accountant, she throws her Sidekick into her gym bag and swears off e-romance.

On Saturday, the planetary lovers face off. Mars finally backstepped out of Cancer into Gemini around the New Year. Although he's still retrograde, at least he doesn't have to hold his tongue lest he offend his mother. Nonetheless, he may be too busy burning old love letters to be totally present to Venus.

Venus opposite Mars is a steamy combination, but these planets are in the signs of ideas and facts, Sagittarius and Gemini. Venus -- when she can stay still -- wants to know "where it's going" and needs to see the how the relationship fits into the larger scheme of things. If she doesn't feel the partnership is meaningful, what's keeping her in it? (Other than the fact that her partner makes her laugh.) Meanwhile, Mars responds with sarcasm while still thinking about his ex.

First photo by Librarian Avenger, second by Patrick Doheny, both under CC license.

Labels: mars, venus

I've lived in lesbian zones throughout my adulthood, from Ithaca NY and San Francisco to Brooklyn, where I recently moved from Dyke Slope to Windsor Terrace.

In light of my recent posts on Venus and Mars, I've been wondering about queer couples, and androgyny in general. (Not that they are necessarily related.) Although it is a stereotype to say that lesbians take on masculine characteristics and that gay men take on feminine characteristics, many gays and lesbians genderbend or crossover into opposite-gender mannerisms. Yet there are also lipstick lesbians and bears. I once had a lesbian psychotherapy client who was so ultra-feminine (Venus in Leo, by the way) that my experience with her totally shifted my perceptions about queerness.

And then there are straight people. According to my poll results, Mars in Virgo in a woman's chart won the most votes for attraction to a "feminine" heterosexual man. (Virgo is an earth sign with a feminine/negative/yin polarity, frequently associated with prissiness.) Many straights don't feel comfortable with the rigid behavioral scripts associated with their own gender. Some people have assumed I'm gay because I have some feminine mannerisms. My wife rarely ever wears skirts or dresses, and she's a better fixer-upper than I am. My daughter feels uncomfortable with the "girly girls" in fourth grade.

There is a fluidity to gender, and we ought not judge people based on how they "act out" their Venus and Mars. A butch dyke may feel more comfortable asserting her Mars and finding Venus in a feminine girlfriend. A straight "metrosexual" man may embrace his Venus while still feeling comfortable using his Mars to make the first move with women. (Or not.) A lipstick lesbian may identify as much with Venus as a straight "girly girl," yet project her Mars onto a woman instead of a man. A man who has sex with men may shun his Venus, while a gay man may embrace his inner queen.

We all have Venus and Mars in our charts. Just as the horoscope does not tell whether we're male or female, it may not indicate the degree to which we identify with either or both of these archetypes, or how much we project these archetypes onto others. Personally, I'm all for "owning" both Venus and Mars in one's chart. To the degree that you don't consciously express a planetary archetype, you will seek its expression in the environment -- especially via an attraction to people who embody that planet for you.

Looking at Jung's formulation of anima and animus, it would appear that a man who has not integrated his anima will be attracted to a hyper-feminine woman (SuperVenus!). Similarly, a woman who has not integrated her animus will be attracted to super-alpha-Rambo-men. Although there is nothing wrong with attraction to someone who displays exaggerated characteristics of Venus or Mars (as they are defined in one's culture), this attraction may suggest that one is not sufficiently in touch with his or her own opposite-gender planet (male/Venus, female/Mars) and hence needs to find its expression through a partner to feel whole or complete.

I'm not saying that if you truly "own" both Venus and Mars, you won't be attracted to anyone anymore. Simply that -- through study of your natal chart -- you can find ways to consciously express your opposite-gender planet to develop into a fuller human being.

First photo by skrufi, second photo by bobster1985 under CC license.

Labels: mars, venus

We all have a "type," an idealized image of a man or woman. This attraction matches an archetypal pattern within ourselves, corresponding with Venus or Mars. Yet, often who we end up with more closely matches the Moon or Sun in our charts. I like to think of these four planets as symbolic of the four people cards of each suit in the Tarot. Venus is the princess or page, Mars is the prince or knight, the Moon is the queen, and the Sun is the king. When we are young, we are drawn to the princess and prince archetypes, but as we age, we ultimately settle down with the queen or king. Astrologically, a straight woman may fall for Mars but end up with her Sun, while a straight man may fall for Venus but end up with his Moon. (Many articles about the astrology of same-sex love can be found at astroqueer. I'm assuming if you're a gay man you'd look at Mars and the Sun, and Venus/Moon if you're a lesbian, but some would argue that many of the asteroid goddesses are relevant for the latter.)

In the comments section of Do you love your man for your Venus, BalancedSag writes

I definitely get really close and bonded with a venus/talking/communicating type of guy, and then end up with a mars/masculine type somehow instead EVERY TIME.... Maybe its that I am a fire sign and the masculine type of guy (cave man) moves that fire in me more. It is not always worth it though. The water in me (scorpio) ends up feeling soooo neglected (like right now, for example!!).

Even though she feels close to Mars in Scorpio (a feminine polarity Water sign), she ends up with her Sun in Sagittarius (a masculine polarity Fire sign).

A Personal Example

I have Pluto opposite Venus in Pisces. I've had a pattern of being consumed with wispy, willowy artist/poet/dancer types, yet the woman I've ultimately chosen to be with has a chart congruent with my Sixth House unaspected Moon in Aquarius. She's smart, independent and unconventional (Sun square Uranus, the modern ruler of Aquarius) and very focused on health and order/organization (Venus in Virgo, several Sixth House planets).

You're Not My Type

When you automatically refuse someone's advances because he doesn't fit the image of who you want, which part of your chart is talking? And how do you even know who's good for you? Maybe being with your Moon or Sun scares you, and you'd rather be with Venus or Mars. One reason for this fear may be that the Sun and Moon are the archetypes of the father and mother. Does a guy really want a girl just like the girl who married dear old Dad? It is actually all too easy to choose someone similar to a parent because your mother or father forms the template by which you understand and judge adults of the gender to whom you are attracted.

Of course, different planets express their needs depending on your life priorities. If your biological clock is ticking, you're coming from your Moon, and looking more for a Sun than a Mars. If you're looking for adventure and excitement, you may be looking for Mars instead of a Sun. Likewise, a guy may search for the Moon when he wants to settle down and start a family, after he has sowed his wild oats with multiple Venuses. (Or he just stays with his wife and cheats on her with a younger woman.)

These are grand generalizations, and the astrology of desire and mating is more complex than outlined above. But I'd love to hear thoughts!

Comment below: If you're a woman, what are your Mars and Sun signs, what kind of guy are you attracted to, and what decade of life are you in? And if you're a guy, what are your Venus and Moon signs?

First photo by brokenchopstick, second by Dianna Williams under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, sun, venus

Many women don't want to put with a guy who doesn't appreciate her Mars, whether she likes to spar or play Halo. We are no longer confined to rigid fifties era gender roles, but people vary in the degree to which they successfully integrate their masculine and feminine selves. I've written elsewhere about men's ability to be with their feelings, suggesting that guys are still raised to choose the rational over the emotional. The article was a reaction to a woman's comment on this blog about her Cancer boyfriend's crying. If women want to be embraced for their masculine tendencies, shouldn't men be embraced equally for their feminine sides?

The feminine planets

There are two planets that symbolize the feminine: the Moon and Venus. Crying would fit under the Moon. This celestial body relates to the instinct to nurture, to belong. The Moon governs habits, instinctual responses, what makes us feel comfortable. Some lunar qualities don't really correspond to gender, yet others -- like "mothering" and having a strong feeling life -- are traditionally feminine. In a man's chart, the Moon may signify the wife.

Venus signifies the young woman to whom a man is attracted. But this planet is much more than that. In addition to governing relationships, Venus is all about charm, compromise, the ability to attract and seduce. This planet also relates to our values and preferences -- what we love. Venus is an "art" planet, and often a prominent Venus will correspond with artistic or musical talent, as She rules aesthetics, beauty and graceful form.

No doubt, a man who exhibits grace, manners and charm can be quite attractive (think Libra, which is ruled by Venus). Yet, via our cultural definitions, when does a man's Venusian side get characterized pejoratively as feminine? Homophobia is still widespread, and combined with sexism, a man's limp wrist or exquisite fashion sense may be seen as less "manly." Witness the metrosexual craze a few years ago, when a hetero guy got manicures and spent $200 on jeans. Just by virtue of taking care of his looks, doubt was cast upon his sexuality. Some women find this hot, yet others are attracted to a "guy's guy."

The devaluation of the feminine

We still live in a patriarchy, in which men have more power (and hence value) than women. Hence, it may be more "OK" for a woman to get a black belt in karate or play World of Warcraft than for a guy to get a facial and spent lots of money on hair products, or for a boy to go to ballet class. I (Sun, Mercury and Venus in Pisces) have always gravitated towards fields that are dominated by women: literary magazine in high school, counseling psychology in grad school, astrology later in life, expressive dance throughout my adulthood. And as "valuable" as literature, education, social work and the arts are, they don't pay. Big business and engineering do. Do you see a pattern? If teachers hold the key to our children's futures, why are their salaries so low? Could it be because they are predominantly women?

Nurturing and beauty, the Moon and Venus. Men need both, but they detach themselves from integrating these archetypes, choosing instead to get their lunar and Venusian needs met through women -- going for trophy wives, arm candy (objectification of women) or looking to their wives and girlfriends to "mommy" them instead of finding ways to express their own nurturing and aesthetic impulses.

So, the question is: What are women's attitudes towards men who are able to integrate these qualities, even if it makes them apparently less "manly" according to our rigid cultural stereotypes? And is this just an "American" thing? Please share your thoughts below.

Photos by icanteachyouhowtodoit under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, venus

Women are often raised to attract men with their Venus, via clothing and cosmetics, flirtation and femininity. But gender roles are in flux, and many females don't want to be stuck on the receiving end of relationships, waiting for the man to make the first move.

However, a guy frequently want to be in the driver's seat, and may be put off by a woman asking him out. (Since he can no longer hunt for boar, he needs a challenge!) But where does that leave the woman, who's itching to let out her Mars? Does she wait until she's already firmly ensconced in a relationship to express her assertiveness and competitive drive?

Traditionally, a woman's Mars signifies the type of man to whom she is attracted. But if she simply lets a guy "own" her Mars, then she has abdicated this vital part of herself to another. She cannot be a whole person if she always lets her man fix the sink or argue with the phone company for overbilling ... unless she also takes on some "masculine" traits.

At the other end of the Venus/Mars spectrum is being "one of the boys." Hanging out, drinking beers, playing Xbox ... yet not being recognized as feminine and wondering why she's not getting dates. It seems like a delicate balancing act, being able to attract without being passive, being able to hang loose with the guys while still being seen as a woman.

The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung coined the term animus possessed to refer to women who"live their lives according to the archetypal masculine principles of order, efficiency and perfection, as opposed to allowing themselves and their lives simply 'to be' as they are. These are the women who seek power rather than love--their intellectualized ambition keeping them ever-striving, with no energy left to be alive." [from Dancing in the Shadows by Laura Bryannan]

However, there has been criticism of the inherent sexism of Jung's characterization, which suggests that there is something pathological about a woman who strives for success and chooses logic over emotions. Surely, a woman can express her Mars without being judged?

Knowing when to play the Venus card or Mars card seems to be the key to relationship satisfaction. Sometimes it works to be the coquette, other times the tigress. Attract without letting someone overstep boundaries. Kick butt at the karate dojo yet do t'ai chi in the bedroom.

Unless your guy likes to be treated rough.

Comment below: How do you modulate the expression of your Venus and Mars?

Related posts:

• Venus in Love, Mars in Heat
• When you don't identify with your Venus sign
• Think with your Venus
  

First photo by MegElizabeth_, second by porcelaingirl via CC License.

Labels: astrology, mars, venus

I've recently been reading books on seduction and dating from the perspective of both genders. The basic premise I've been encountering -- regardless of which camp you belong to -- is that we are attracted to people who are not too available. When someone is 100% open to you, there's no challenge, and you get bored. "Cat string theory" (a term I encountered in Neil Strauss' The Game) states that when you stop dangling string in front of a cat and just let it sit there, the cat gets bored and walks away. You have to keep on dangling to keep its interest.

This of course is Mars in action. Mars wants a challenge, a fight. A guy wants to work hard to win over a girl, and a girl wants a guy who's not all needy and desperate. According to Darwinism 101 (aka evolutionary psychology), a man is naturally competitive and wants the woman with the greatest hip-to-waist ratio to bear his child. Conversely, a woman wants an alpha-male to ensure that she and her child will be protected. One pickup artist named Mystery (mentioned in The Game) states that despite cultural and technological advances, we're still slaves to our biological drives that worked for us tens of thousands of years ago, when we lived in small tribes.

Manipulation

A friend of mine mentioned that her office colleague comes in with new ideas to snag a boyfriend. One tip -- called "doing a coyote" -- involves a woman going to a guy's house for the first time after dating for a while, having sex, and then leaving in the middle of the night while he's sleeping. Presumably the intended effect is to make the man feel insecure so that he'll work harder to keep the woman, as well as make him feel more attracted to her because she's not 100% available to him. He was probably looking forward to cooking breakfast for her -- he's not just into the sex, you know!

Manipulative tactics such as this are under the domain of Scorpio, which is traditionally ruled by Mars. Are we to assume that -- to succeed in the dating world -- we must resort to competition and mind-games?

Yet it is true that without distance from a perceived goal or outcome, Mars has nothing to do. We get angry when somebody blocks us from something we desire. We strive towards a goal that we have not yet attained. Some couples fight just so they can have make-up sex -- they use Mars to create some space between themselves, presumably because emotional enmeshment is not a turn-on.

There is some wisdom to Mars. Members of couples who have enough separation are healthier than those who are codependent. If both people in a partnership have their own hobbies, friends they go out with, and so on, then they develop their own distinct identities, they are not just one-half of a relationship unit. They continue to feel attracted to each other because there is a gap to bridge.

Mars gives us the drive to go out into the world, initially impelling us to separate from our mothers. Then the Moon impels us to come back for security and nurturing. In developmental psychology, this is called rapprochement.

In the dating world, it is the Moon in people that is apparently a turn-off. Neediness, clinginess, waiting by the phone, "I need you" ... it is these behaviors that often drive someone away. It is one thing to flirt and send flowers (Venus), it is another to call someone up and say, "I can't live without you."

Lunar Longing

Perhaps it is the child in us that sabotages dating success. Our first template for relationships is the mother-child bond. As adults, we have unfulfilled needs, and we expect that our infantile fantasies -- we will be taken care of, all of our emotional needs will be met, we will be enveloped in love and warmth -- will be met by a man or woman. However, most adults don't want to be parents to a partner. Parenting implies being with someone 24/7, having no space or time to develop one's own interests. That's what it's like raising an infant.

There is a healthy medium between Cancerian neediness and Scorpionic manipulation in dating. You can be confident and independent (Aries). You don't have to play mind-games, trap someone with an unexpected pregnancy or play the helpless waif who needs a strong protector.

First photo by ienasequence, second by Miss Loisy, third by lou & magoo under CC license.

Labels: aries, cancer, mars, moon, scorpio

Have you ever achieved transcendental bliss during lovemaking ... not just your everyday orgasm, but a moment when "you" cease to exist? Mars in Pisces seeks this experience. Placed in the most spiritual of signs, the planet of sexuality seeks to dissolve the barriers of self.

The Downside

Mars the lover may be passive, for it is difficult to meet the needs of one's ego in such a watery sign. He may prefer to have sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol. His sense of boundaries -- where he ends and a lover begins -- can make for divine sex, but it can also lead to confusion -- as when he forgets that there are also two (or more) discrete bodies in the room.

The Upside

As Jara mentioned in Mars in Heat, this planet's idea of foreplay would be to dance seductively, put on sensual music, share his emotions. Mars in Pisces is an intuitive lover, and his empathic sense helps him to know exactly how to please you, because he knows what it's like to be in your stilettos.

Comment below: What do you know of Mars in Pisces ... in the bedroom?

Labels: astrology, mars, pisces

The following post is by Jara aka BlahBlah (Venus in Gemini, Mars in Gemini). Jeff will be back on Friday.

Do you ever wonder why the person you're attracted to isn't reciprocating your feelings? Or why the person who you couldn't care less about keeps following you around like a lost puppy? We can look to the placements of our Venus and Mars for answers to these (and other) questions. Which sign Venus is in tells us our ideal of love, how we attract (and express) love, and how we want to receive love. The sign in which Mars falls tells us how we exert our energy to attain what attracts us.

Here's a rundown of how feminine Venus and masculine Mars work together as a team to help us get (Mars) what we want (Venus) in matters of love and sex (keep in mind that most people have Venus and Mars in different signs, so mix-and-match "teammates" is highly likely).

Disclaimer: There are others astrological indicators of love and sex styles, but this entry is only discussing Venus and Mars.

Note: In a woman's chart, her Venus sign represents her love style, while her Mars sign represents the type of man that makes her feel ... lusty. In a man's chart, his Venus sign represents the woman in his fantasies, while his Mars sign represents how he tries to persuade a woman to choose him (for sex, love, whatever).

Team Aries

Venus in Aries: believes love should happen at first sight; likes independent, go-getters; enjoys chasing and being chased; attracts love by inspiring/encouraging suitors to pursue and "win" her; flirts by teasing and picking fights; expects to be #1 in the relationship (and in her partner's life) or will lose interest quickly; arguing and friendly competition is an aphrodisiac

Mars in Aries: boldly pursues object of affection using a direct approach; actively demonstrates his prowess in anything, acts adventurous, and is more than willing to compete for affection; arguing and/or physical fighting is instant foreplay; initiates a lot of right-now, anywhere-goes quickie sex

Team Taurus

Venus in Taurus: believes love should come after a lot of long-term consideration; likes (and is impressed by) wealthy people; attracts love by being emotionally stable and having consistent habits; flirts by providing physical comfort; wants to feel secure in relationships and "know where this is going"; rich, comfort foods, receiving massages, listening to music, and fragrances that smell like something edible (mmm vanilla!) are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Taurus: slowly pursues the object of affection using a persistent approach; acts like the typical strong, silent type; talks about his goals/plans or shows off his nice possessions when he's attracted to someone, and may even present his credit report as proof of his financial stability and ability while asking for a date or during a marriage proposal (yes, I'm exaggerating here); gives massages, long embraces, and slow kisses as foreplay; initiates steady, lasts-all-night sex

Team Gemini

Venus in Gemini: believes love should mean never having to say, "I'm bored"; likes quotable, multifaceted people who have lots of diverse interests; attracts love by being infinitely entertaining; flirts by sharing thoughts & feelings and assigning pet names; wants 24/7 communication accessibility in relationships; variety, unpredictability, and verbal/written expressions of love are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Gemini: sporadically pursues object of affection using a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't approach; attracts attention by making clever observations and extending invitations to fun and/or interesting events; provides playful, sarcastic teasing, writing/reading erotic letters, and sexually suggestive phone conversations as foreplay; initiates quick, multiple-session sex

Team Cancer

Venus in Cancer: believes love should be nurturing; likes people who need mothering (or who are mothering) and are appreciative of her efforts; attracts love by making people feel cozy and sheltered; expresses love by feeding and/or cooking for someone, remembering preferences, giving thoughtful tokens of affection; wants interdependence in relationships; emotional bonding and cuddling are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Cancer: haltingly pursues object of affection using a zig-zag, sideways, 2-steps-forward-1-step-backward approach; acts shy and quiet, but will adamantly defend a loved one against outsiders to show interest; providing a shoulder to lean (or cry) on, hugs, and cooking for someone/taking someone out to dinner are foreplay; initiates cuddling-that-hopefully-leads-to-sex sex

Team Leo

Venus in Leo: believes love should ALWAYS consist of romance, drama, fun, and loyalty; likes people who stand out in socially acceptable ways (e.g., extremely attractive, owns/wears impressive things, speaks dramatically, has unique creative talents, etc.); attracts love by playing up strengths and downplaying weaknesses, and inspiring chivalry; flirts by complimenting; wants consistent (inconsistent doesn't count!), emotionally-moving displays of appreciation and gratitude in relationships; receiving awe-inspiring gifts and positive, focused attention from an audience (e.g., mirrors, cameras, other people in the room) are aphrodisiacs (Btw, it's no coincidence that this Venus description is the longest of them all. *wink*)

Mars in Leo: enthusiastically pursues object of affection using a confident, showy approach; acts like he's the best at whatever, whenever, wherever ALL THE TIME, his gallantly dramatic displays of affection, his flattery, his style of presentation, his…well, just being with HIM in all of his glory is the foreplay, this Mars placement is the rock & roll icon and his lover better act like his groupie or else; initiates look-at-me, I'm-on-stage sex

Team Virgo

Venus in Virgo: believes love should involve making a commitment to take care of someone else; likes hard-workers who pay attention to details (conversely, is also attracted to flawed, disorganized partners that need fixing); attracts love by handling all of the "dirty work" in a partner's life; flirts by making analytical observations, self-deprecating humor, or offering self-improvement advice; wants to feel needed and useful in relationships; good hygiene, a neat appearance, and an orderly environment are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Virgo: methodically pursues object of affection using a logical, organized approach; demonstrates ability to efficiently execute plans and complete tasks correctly to impress; spends a lot of time translating ideas into reality by making sure every seduction detail is just right; initiates technically proficient, nervous-tension-relieving sex

Team Libra

Venus in Libra: believes love should = 50/50 partnership + 24/7 romance; likes attractive, intelligent, and sociable people; attracts love by being charming company, understanding and attentive; expresses love through consideration and negotiating compromises, and thinking in "us" and "we" terms; flirts indiscriminately for attention and popularity; wants equality, romance, and lots of attention in relationships; beauty, making plans as a couple, and the usual romantic clichés (such as rose petals on the bed and long, moonlit walks on the beach) are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Libra: indirectly pursues object of affection using a classy approach; attracts love by being gracious, intellectually stimulating, and presenting ideas as win-win situations; foreplay is poetry, dinner, dancing, conversation, kissing, tickling, and soft love-bites; initiates romantic, sugar-and-spice "lovemaking" (Someone with Venus in Libra probably coined this term.)

Team Scorpio

Venus in Scorpio: believes love should be passionate, intense, and life-altering; likes to associate with powerful people whose sexuality comes in contradictory layers (e.g., dresses provocatively but is a virgin, looks understated but moves like a stripper in private); expresses love by keeping a mate's secrets, developing an emotional bond, and not wanting to share the partner's affection; flirts through seduction; wants to have control and trust in a relationship; a strong sex drive, instant chemistry, intensity, and loyalty are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Scorpio: obsessively pursues object of desire using a strategic approach; attracts love by getting people to let down their guards, providing emotional therapy, and delivering on unspoken promises of provocative sex; foreplay is continuous, penetrating eye contact, caressing, and anything oral; initiates all-consuming, us-against-the-world sex

Team Sagittarius

Venus in Sagittarius: believes love should bring happiness, great times, and good luck; likes outgoing, intelligent, independent, adventurous people; attracts love by being friendly, fun-loving, generous, and free-spirited; flirts through friendly conversation and making someone laugh; wants freedom, honesty, few expectations, and undefined commitment in a relationship; visiting exotic places, meeting foreign people, exploring foreign cultures, and different accents are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Sagittarius: optimistically pursues object of affection using a direct approach; acts like a daredevil, plays practical jokes, or extends and wins challenges to an athletic competition to impress someone; laughter and getting naked is foreplay; initiates spontaneous, outdoorsy, on-vacation sex

Team Capricorn

Venus in Capricorn: believes love should make people keep their word; likes responsible, successful people who can help with achieving aspirations; attracts love by being dependable and loyal; shows affection by honoring commitments and not leaving the relationship; flirts by getting straight to the point, assessing a potential mate's value, and showing off their dry wit as they feel more comfortable; wants a solid commitment from the right person in relationships; knowing what's coming next is an aphrodisiac

Mars in Capricorn: gradually pursues object of affection using a goal-oriented approach; acts very self-assured, proper, and guarded when trying to impress someone; a seduction game plan, dominant/submissive role-playing, and spanking is foreplay; initiates straight-to-the-nitty-gritty sex

Team Aquarius

Venus in Aquarius: believes love should be dessert with friendship as the main entrée; likes free-spirited, eccentric people who aren't afraid to go against the status quo; attracts love by being friendly to everyone; flirts by sharing unusual ideas and opinions; wants a best friend, intellectually stimulating company and emotional detachment in relationships; discussing new, inventive ways to have sex is an aphrodisiac

Mars in Aquarius: determinedly pursues object of affection using an original approach; differentiates himself by talking about his principles, beliefs, pet causes, and idiosyncratic preferences when attempting to impress; trying something different is foreplay; initiates taboo, off-the-wall sex

Team Pisces
Venus in Pisces: believes love should be a perfect blend of an intuitive, spiritual bond and romance; likes nonjudgmental, creative people who think and communicate in imaginative ways; attracts love by being infinitely compassionate and seeing the best in people; flirts by developing and acknowledging a special connection; wants empathy, kindness, and sensitivity in relationships; dreamy kisses that cause tingles, foot massages, bubble baths, and mind-altering substances or practices are aphrodisiacs

Mars in Pisces: secretly pursues object of affection using a passive approach; impresses by knowing the right thing to do or say to make someone feel better, sharing psychic insights, and displaying creative talents; dancing, playing music, discussing dreams/innermost feelings, and generally pleasing the other person is foreplay; initiates pleasant vibes, which lead to transcendental, out-of-body-experiences sex.

Since most people don't have Venus and Mars in the same sign, I'll give an example of a mix-and-match Venus and Mars "team." A man with Venus in Libra and Mars in Virgo would most likely be attracted to a beautiful woman with social graces. So far, his Venus & Mars would work well together in that regard, because both Libra and Virgo value keeping up good appearances and following proper etiquette. However, he might experience indecision over whether to woo her by planning their first date down to the tiniest detail (Virgo Mars) or let her make the plans because he really wants her to have a good time on their date (Libra Venus).

Now that we know how Venus and Mars work together, how can we tell the difference between falling in love and falling in lust? How does your Venus and Mars work as a team to help you get what you want in relationships?

Labels: astrology, mars, venus

Jara provided a birth time (click on chart to view) and asks,

I keep attracting guys who have Venus in Aries and I don't know why. I have no Aries planets in my natal chart.

I do like some Venus in Aries traits like their optimism and quick sense of humor, BUT I hate how I seem to clash with them. Our arguments get very heated to the point of near-violence. All they seem to care about is winning, not trying to find a compromise or listen to the other person. It's like when they get mad, they can't THINK anymore, which is very frustrating. All emotion and fire, no reason or restraint.

Every man who I've had this reaction to has Venus in Aries and I know there's something wrong here. The worst was with a guy who had Venus AND Mars in Aries! I don't want to repeat this experience in the future because it's very stressful, but the last 5-6 guys I've dated have this placement. I don't find out until after we've been dating awhile and have our 1st argument.

How can I avoid guys with Venus in Aries without having to resort to asking a guy his birthday within the first 5 minutes of meeting him? Also, is there anything in my chart that explains this attraction (The attraction may be 2-sided, but since guys are usually the initiators....)?

You have Mars conjunct your Descendant, or Seventh House cusp. Anytime a planet conjoins an angle, that planet has extra strength. In your case, aggressive energy is experienced in relationships. Mars rules Aries, so it is no surprise you would attract fiery, winner-take-all men. This combativeness manifests verbally because Mars is in communicative Gemini.

This is your Mars in Gemini. Have you owned it? At the risk of "blaming the victim," it could be that you encounter this anger from men because you have not taken full responsibility for your own tendency to act out your heated emotions with words. (Just a thought!)

Adding to this tension, Saturn squares Mars, restraining your ability to express initiative. Perhaps the weight of this restrictive planet makes it difficult for you to marshall your will to get what you want in relationships, thus you get verbally "run over" by your boyfriends.

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Labels: astrology, mars