Once the honeymoon phase is over in a new relationship, how do you keep the fire burning? After the all-consuming passion at the beginning of a partnership fizzles, a routine sets in -- and the rest of life reasserts itself. Work. Kids. Hobbies. Friends. Modern life has a way of sapping our energies, yet without prioritizing the sexual health of a relationship, it risks turning into a comfortable friendship -- something you probably did not anticipate!

Hormones are strong when you first meet someone, but when you've been together for a while, your habits and "ways of being in the world" may sabotage the continuing growth of your relationship. Perhaps you're resistant to the change necessary to cohabitate with someone. Or you keep coming up against old beliefs that you're not lovable. These rigid patterns need to loosen up if we are to make a relationship work over the long haul.

Just as a plant needs sunlight, water and soil to grow and thrive, certain conditions need to be met to maintain a satisfying sexual relationship. Although it is a generalization to state that men are almost always ready to have sex, while a woman needs to feel comfortable or secure first, it's true enough. After all, from an evolutionary perspective, a woman needs to feel confident that she and her baby will be protected, fed and so on.

One key to identifying the preconditions to "keep your plant growing" is to look at your Venus. What sign and house is it in? What aspects (or angles) does it make to other planets? If you've been with someone for five, ten, fifteen years, your Venus needs to continually feel satisfied for you to feel turned on.

If your Venus is in an Air sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), then your mind is the soil that must continually be tilled. Without the sunshine of conversation and a downpour of stimulating ideas, you will feel dry and undernourished. If a partner of seven years no longer interests you intellectually, then your sexual attraction may diminish as well. Flirtatious IMs with coworkers then become a threat to the stability of your relationship, because your plant has given up on the sun and is instead growing towards a full spectrum light bulb.

(I'm not going to provide a breakdown of all twelve Venus placements here. For more on your Venus sign, read the guest post Venus in Love, Mars in Heat. CafeAstrology also covers each Venus sign.)

If your partner doesn't tend to your garden (no, not that garden, although that certainly helps), then communicate your needs. Men can be particularly dense, so you may need to remind your guy several times. Sometimes over many years. If your flower has wilted and you live in a desert of a relationship, then consider planting yourself somewhere else.

First photo by Gaetan Lee, second by mikebaird, both under CC license.

Labels: venus

The following guest post is by Gwen from IntoxicatedZodiac.com

Sex and alcohol are so often intertwined. But how to whet the appetite of the sign you're trying to woo? By warming the cockles of their heart with cocktails, a love fest will ensue.

Aries
Aries' cocktail doesn't need to be fancy. But it does need to be fast as well as strong … kind of like the forward Ram's sexual style. Cocktail shots were invented for Aries. So were showy flambéed libations. Those six-course Italian meals and long drawn out bottles of wine were not. Aries wants excellent wait service more than they want an expertly balanced tipple. They have no preference for classic cocktails or innovative creations. As long as their drink tastes good, looks appetizing and arrives promptly, that's good enough for them. More time to get to the important (fun) stuff, like a quickie in the restroom! If you do end up on a date with the Ram for the night, slipping the maitre de a twenty is worth it's weight in gold. Soon you'll be in the back seat of a dark taxicab, exploring new territories of flesh. Aries is the ultimate conquistador!

Taurus
Quite the opposite of Aries, for Taurus slow service is tolerable, but poor drinks are not. The luxury-loving Bull wants only the best in the most tasteful way possible. We're not talking flashy concoctions here, but understated elegance and high quality ingredients. Don't waste your time and theirs ordering a giant margarita rimmed with colorful salt and an oversized hunk of fruit. The Bull's sophisticated buds will cut through the bull, and know instantaneously if it's good or not, despite its illusory appearance. They would rather not imbibe a subpar cocktail. Taureans are traditionalists at heart, so treat them to classically mixed cocktails done right, in a pleasant setting where they can slowly savor each and every succulent sip. Mmnnn… that's just a prelude to the sensual, unhurried and hedonistic lovemaking to come.

Gemini
Bring on the flamboyant tiki drinks, the Tom Cruise cocktails bartender and brush up on your tall tale storytelling! Gemini doesn't just like to be entertained, they need it. Wanna get in this fly girl's pants? That's easy-- providing you can get her into the trendiest and chicest celebrity watering hole you can muster the connections to. Now's the time to call in that favor and get on that exclusive list. Once there, experiment with a different specialty cocktail, each round to further stimulate the twin's ADD mind. Also, be sure to have a handy list of bars to hit after the novelty and excitement of the one you're in wears off. Be careful not to exhaust yourself entertaining this party girl. You'll need to leave some room for Gemini's bedtime dessert, ghhhrrr… Sextini? Make it a double.

Cancer
The celestial homebody, this sign often prefers to just stay in and sip port by the fire. In lieu of that, try the lounge of a swanky hotel -- the 'W' will be fine. This way, the lounge is only an elevator away from a temporary hotel room-home. Cancer prefers delicate drinks to match their delicate palette. Each libation should be as subtle as their conservative taste -- perfectly balanced, without any one overwhelming flavor. A Gimlet in particular will go down real smooth. Too smooth … all the more easy to take the next round back to a room. Break through that hard Cancerian shell with a probing back massage, a bottle of champagne, a pile of crab cakes, and some sweet nothings whispered in Cancer's ear. Now this is a recipe for some serious sloppy sex! You'll be having breakfast in bed before you know it.

Leo
To show this top cat a good time, you'll need to think over the top in every conceivable way. This is no time to cheap out! Any offering to this noble sign should be quite grandiose to be considered at all worthy. Get your wallet out and start with the maitre dis. Secure the best table in the house, or at least let Leo know that you almost died trying. They'll appreciate the gesture. Wooing was invented for Leo, and the good news is they're not picky. Leo will accept the following: ridiculously extravagant culinary concoctions and high-end bottle service consisting of Cristal, Dom Pérignon or 100-year-old wine. See, not picky at all! Simply treat them like the divine entity they believe themselves to be, and this pussy will be licking your private parts before you can say meow.

Virgo
Make it neat. Not the scotch, the table! Pray that it's squeaky clean and the coasters are new. A grossly stained coaster might just end the date right then and there. Virgo will taste a poorly made drink a mile away. Nothing except pure goodness will do for the celestial virgin. Don't try to skate by, for the queen of perfection will notice and administer a demeaning black mark on her invisible scorecard. This sign is less likely than any other to tolerate a syrupy neon green Appletini. Make sure it's the real deal with freshly extracted apple juice and fresh squeezed lemon. Demanding? Yup. Worth it? Every bit. Historically, the coveted virgin has always been extremely desirable. Well, nothing's changed. Go the extra mile to ensure a flawlessly choreographed night, and you'll find yourself living the fantasy of so many for so long -- bedding the elusive and sacred virgin.

Libra
Thou art beautiful dear Libra, and we both know it. You're just a beautiful drinking slut … admit it! But Libra never will, for they are always innocent. Innocent of breaking your heart, innocent of obscene flirting, innocent of ordering off the reserve list (the bartender misunderstood me!). The laid back scales will always get their way, and you'll always be more than happy to give it to them. They are the charming and gracious diplomats of the zodiac, whose world is wrapped around their little finger. But back to the drinking slut part … Libra has an extraordinarily refined and discerning palette. Like their self, an appealing tipple must be visually pleasing, tastefully balanced and good to the last drop (of which there will be many). I'm thinking here, straight up Margarita, mixed to perfection. A night out with the scales almost always involves delightful conversation, succulent libations, and superb sex. Libra is a guaranteed good time!

Scorpio
Scorpio lives life intensely. They tend to like their cocktails that way too. Strong, overpowering flavors are understood and appreciated. Serve a burn-your-face-off Bloody Mary, or a creamy Cheesecake Cocktail so decadent it should be illegal. Steer clear of generic drinks -- unless it's titled something like Sex On The Beach, or Long Slow Comfortable Screw. Choose a theme and go with it, hard-core. Scorpio can see the real deal a mile away, so don't cut any corners on the bar tab, and don't overdo the small talk. Prepare meaningful material in which to engage the Scorpion's interest ahead of time and you shall be rewarded. Take them to an S&M bar for the night and you shall be very richly rewarded. Merely observing other's antics while sipping an intensely flavorful tipple will get any Scorpio's mouth wet. They are the sign of sex and would love more than anything to give it to you.

Sagittarius
The drinks don't have to be rated five star Zagat, but they do have to be impressive in appearance. And plentiful. A mammoth Pina Colada (or six of them) is all that Sag requires to be content. Hoping to get lucky? Your chances are good -- Sagittarius is the sign of luck! Strategically nurse your drink and hope the centaur politely follows your lead. (Easier said than done.) They are known for their blunt candor, and when Sagittarius wants another libation, they'll ask for one without hesitation. In any event, the question is not will you end up in bed, but in what state? Sag is the ultimate party animal that lives -- and drinks -- in the now. Not five hours from now. Thanks to their boatload of innate spontaneity, they are the consummate fun sign. But a comatose lover is never much fun, so force the man-horse to pace themselves and conserve energy for your sinfully succulent late night-nightcap. Chocotini in all the right places, if you know what I mean.

Capricorn
No need to impress the goat with flashy overpriced libations, and uber trendy bars … although that certainly won't hurt. The best way to win the cold steely heart of the workaholic goat is to patronize a sophisticated establishment, or have a very valid reason for not doing so. Then, order with confidence and impress them with your extensive libational knowledge (a crash course in bartending isn't a bad idea). The goat's got taste, too much of it in fact -- they're snobby. They'll cringe to be seen in a lame bar, and they'll shudder if they must imbibe cheap wine or beer (unless they're picking up the tab -- somehow that's ok). Capricorn is into keeping up appearances. Be it imported stout, a micro-brewed limited edition or a rare scotch, that drink better have an aura of specialty about it. Don't disappoint Capricorn with foolish cocktail blunders, at least not more than once. They'll forgive you, but only because they want you to succeed at impressing them. They really want to show you the inside of their love den! A little chilly on the outside, Capricorn is volcanic on the inside. May you enjoy their eruption...

Aquarius
What a contradiction, planning an evening with the unplannable sign of Aquarius. The Water Bearer despises following itineraries. They are the zodiacal eccentrics -- and don't even try to guess what makes them tick! For what's it's worth, here's my advice: You'll need to find a different kind of place for this different kind of sign. Perhaps an art gallery opening, where the visual and mental stimulation are as free-flowing as the wine and cheese. When they're bored with Picasso, move onto a dive bar on the wrong side of the tracks. This will hold their perverse interest. Drink 10 cent beers for an hour and hit the road again -- the latest trendoid bar is calling their name! Order an innovative cocktail -- something that utilizes the new molecular mixology techniques would be ideal. A sodium alginate and calcium chloride RoseVanilla Dacqueri will keep Aquarius intrigued, and they'll keep you around for a midnight romp. Get ready for a crazy, sexy, wild ride...

Pisces
Get a drink in their hand, like yesterday. A welcome libation will relax the anxious Fish, to which alcohol is like oxygen to mere mortals. By the way, the other Fish is quite comfortable without a drink, thank you very much. It's this constant yin yang pull that makes Pisces a Pisces. The trouble -- or fun, depending on how you look at it -- comes when both fish decide to get simultaneously sloshed. That's the Piscean mega-party this sign is famous for. Should you manage to catch this slippery lover in your net, enjoy their dreamy and magical company before they swim into the night, never to be seen. Well-mannered, they'll drink almost any cocktail served them. However, the fish's discriminating taste will derive the most pleasure from refreshing, fruity concoctions. Pineapple Margarita? Strawberry Basil Swizzle? Tease them with tipples and tie them up tightly. This smooth operator likes playing the game.

About the Author
Gwen brings a new twist to the classic pick up lines -- "What's your sign?" and "Can I buy you a drink?" -- by mixing astrology and cocktails. Visit her blog IntoxicatedZodiac.com for zodiac cocktail recipes, baroscopes, Sun sign shopping, and more...

Answer the following question below to be eligible to win a free Celestial Body Tote bag from IntoxicatedZodiac.com:

• How does your Sun sign act under the influence?
  

If you include a way for me to contact you*, you will be entered into a random drawing in which one commenter will win a tote bag bearing the zodiac sign of their choice, courtesy of Gwen. You must post your comment by this Friday, Feb. 1. (If you're a nondrinker, you are still eligible to participate. Just write something relevant below!)

*When you comment, choose an identity that links to your blog (that has a contact form or email address), or mention your Seduction Central forum name.

First photo by fibroblast, second by diongillard, third and final by rick, fourth by Thomas Rockstar, all under CC license.

The big news this week (other than Pluto's ingress into Capricorn last Friday) is Mercury's retrograde cycle in Aquarius, which starts today (Monday) and ends February 18. (Mercury entered his shadow† on February 13 and leaves it on March 10.) For the next three weeks, messages get mixed and communications go awry. Misunderstandings are likely, so it is important to make yourself explicitly clear and to make sure your partner understood you correctly. You can best use this time by discussing old issues in a long-term relationship or by tying up loose ends with exes.

On Tuesday, Venus trines Saturn. The love planet is in Saturn's sign, Capricorn, and in a flowing relationship with the planet of commitment. Venus is taking relationship matters seriously right now, and is unwilling to put up with a potential partner who is fickle or unwilling to do the relationship thing for the long haul. At the same time, she feels cautious, and recognizes that certain tests need to be passed to ascertain the quality of a partnership. If all pasts muster, she's quite willing to cement the relationship.

For those of who you have bemoaned your miserable sex life, Mars stations direct on Wednesday. That was one long retrograde cycle! Mars is still moving pretty slowly through Gemini, and will enter Cancer on March 4. And he's still in his shadow until April 4. For the next month or so, sexual desire is expressed verbally. Dirty talk in bed. Phone sex. Innuendo. The pen is indeed mightier than the "sword."

On Friday, Venus conjoins Jupiter in Capricorn. This is an aspect of self-indulgence, in a sign of restraint. As much as you want to be careful with the purse strings, if you're going to buy a gift for your lover, it needs to be top shelf quality. Otherwise, you may as well not get anything at all.

† Mercury enters its shadow when it first hits the point along the ecliptic where it will station direct. It leaves its shadow when it hits the point where it initially stationed retrograde.

Labels: horoscope

Jillian provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I fell for a younger scorpio man. He is 31 so I guess it is ok. I assisted and helped him while he went through losing his home, car, and money. I eventually came to feeling like I am in love with him. The problem is he has not made any kind of move towards me. We see each other almost every day, he is very sweet and shows he cares but not in a physical way. There is a lot of sexual tension for me and I can feel it from him. I am crazy over him but have not a clue if he is interested in me for more than friendship.

Your Sixth House Pisces Moon indicates that you are both compassionate and helpful. You need to be of service, and it hurts you to see people or animals in need. It is in a comfortable sextile (60-degree angle) with your Eight House Mars in Taurus, which shows its sexual attraction through tangible actions. (Mars is also symbolic of a younger man, and is in the House naturally associated with Scorpio).

Your Moon is quincunx (150-degree angle) your proud Mercury in Leo. Perhaps you love to be of service (especially with a Virgo Sun), but don't want to feel like a fool. And in some respects, you expect to be appreciated for your benevolence.

Your secondary progressed Mercury and Neptune are currently conjunct -- they were exact on December 2 of last year -- but your planet of thought is still within orb of the planet of delusion.

You're going on fifty, and although I would not say that an 18-year age difference is a deal breaker for a relationship, I think you're just being a sucker. I can't say for sure if he's taken you for a ride, because for all I know he just had a stroke of bad luck and was grateful for your assistance. But perhaps he feels bound to you in some way, so he maintains contact while not being interested in a sexual/romantic relationship.

Saturn is currently transiting your Sun-Pluto conjunction in Virgo. Saturn can bring out the negative in Pluto, which regular readers will know can be about manipulation. View this experience as a test, designed by Saturn, to force you to confront your own issues around use of power. Was a part of you hoping that, by helping this young man out, you would be in a position to dominate him, and that he would have to repay you sexually?

Labels: scorpio, virgo

You're at a party, and he's there in the corner, alone, probing you with his deep, intense eyes. It's unnerving. You're either excited by the prospect of being devoured, or freaked out by his stalkerish behavior. You try to distract yourself by talking to a friend, but you feel his energy even when you're not looking in his direction. What's up with that dude? Why does he stare at you?

The Spy Who F****d Me

He's studying you. In two different ways. First, he's undressing you with his eyes. All men do this, but Scorpio is an especially sexual sign, so he'll be absorbing your curves, and if you don't dress to bring attention to your shape, he'll be wondering what's beneath your loose-fitting clothing. Second, he's investigating how you tick. Like any good detective or psychotherapist, Scorpio observes your mannerisms. He notices that you fiddle with your earrings when you're flirting. Or that you run your palms down the side of your thighs a few times when you feel nervous. All your idiosyncracies get filed away in Scorpio's emotional hard drive, so that when he finally interacts with you, he'll know how to work his way into your psyche (or your pants).

Wearing Shades in Daylight

Although staring is far from indirect, there's a "passivity in power" aspect to this behavior. Scorpio's not making any moves on you, and yet he's totally got your attention. Unlike a fire sign like Aries, Leo or Sagittarius, he doesn't do it with enthusiasm or dramatic flair. Rather, it's his focus that does the trick. A Sag will tell a grand story to the whole room, making his audience erupt in laughter, while Scorpio uses laser consciousness to focus solely upon you. And the beauty of it is that no one else notices he's staring!

Scorpio's an expert at hiding. If he didn't want you to know he was looking at you, you'd be oblivious. Perhaps you'd feel that you're being watched, but you wouldn't be able to identify your observer. Therefore, if you see Scorpio staring, it's because he wants you to know that he's interested in you.

Comment below: What do you do? Approach him? Wait for him to come up and talk to you? What if he never does?

First photo by furryscaly, second by Delwin, both under CC license.

Labels: scorpio

Some partners are possessive, while others don't even ask where you were all night. And when it comes to independence, it can be maddening if the two of you don’t have a good fit. You may want your main squeeze to be with you all the time, while your honey bristles at being under a tight leash. It’s frustrating when your needs are so out of line with another's. Fortunately, astrology can lend some insight into the desire for freedom versus security.

Read Astrological Compatibility: Are The Stars in Alignment for Your Relationship? by Yours Truly on 'Ask Dan & Jennifer.'

On Tuesday, the Leo Full Moon accentuates the need to stand out from the crowd. We all want to feel special, yet most of us only need to be center stage in one person's life, not thrust into the public spotlight. If we don't feel we are getting the attention we crave, all manner of dramatic spectacles may ensue, like a diva's meltdown when her assistant doesn't put enough foam on her latte.

The goddess of love goes through the ringer on Wednesday night, transiting from "hot as hell" to "cold as stone." Venus conjoins Pluto near the end of her stay in globe-trotting Sagittarius. This is a "rape of Persephone" type of aspect, in which a beautiful maiden is abducted by the Lord of the Underworld. In relationships, we are confronted with secrets and hidden desires, coming face to face with the dark side of "love": control, manipulation, possessiveness. Yet only through awareness of "what lies beneath" can we be truly intimate with another, accepting each other while knowing about the skeleton's in our respective closets.

Just a few hours later, Venus enters Capricorn. In this serious Earth sign, she craves commitment and longevity in love. Status and reputation are important to Venus in this sign, and when respectability is a priority, public impressions count. Yet, how difficult it must be, to dress up for the latest charity ball in one's Versace gown, when Venus has just learned that her husband is into being flogged?

Comment below: What does commitment mean to you?

Photo by miss_pupik under CC license.

Labels: horoscope

celine provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My venus is ... opposing saturn.... I couldn't have a long time relationship because of the saturn effect. I have also no planet in my 7th house.... Am I always going to fail in love & money? [edited for clarity]

Saturn opposite Venus is a challenging aspect, but it doesn't mean you're destined to be lonely and bereft. The challenging side of Saturn is its tendency to restrict, block and test. In a stressful aspect like the opposition (a 180-degree angle), Venus' needs to express affection and feel attractive and loved are hindered. The opposition aspect especially manifests in relationships, so you may continually confront harsh authority figures who withdraw their approval. Saturn is the archetype of the father, and since Saturn is the traditional ruler of Aquarius on the cusp of your Fourth House -- which some astrologers correlate with the father -- it is likely that you repeat a rejecting relational pattern that started with him. That is, if your father was withholding, you are drawn to men who seem familiar, and who also give you the cold shoulder. (Venus-Saturn correlates with an attraction to older men or men in positions of authority.)

However, there are positives to Saturn: commitment, duty, responsibility, seriousness. Astrologers often say that those with challenging Saturn-Venus aspects find love later in life, because Saturn is the planet of delay. Regardless, it is simply part of your path to master the obstacle course of love, and through confronting this hardship, you become very clear about what you need (and refuse to put up with) in relationship. Venus is the planet of value and self-worth, so put in some serious effort to build up your self-esteem, so that you don't feel you have to prove your value to a man.

You are currently undergoing your Saturn Return -- when Saturn returns to its original position in the zodiac when you were born -- and this planet is also opposing your natal Venus by transit. In essence, you are going through a period of maturity in which you need to let go of patterns that weigh you down. I suggest you do some writing to analyze your relational patterns. Through taking an inventory of yourself, you become more aware of what's holding you back from a satisfying love life.

Related post: Honoring Saturn and Venus

Labels: saturn, venus

saggirl provided her birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We are both Sags, and this year I will be graduating from school and leaving this city. I give him his space, but I get hurt often because I feel as if, sometimes, he doesn't want to include me in his life. After we get into an argument (which has been frequently, lately) I am usually the one who ends up going back to him, tail between my legs, because I love him (and, also let my insecurities get the best of me). Am I right to be so apologetic?

Although you are a freedom-loving Sagittarius, you need cosiness and security in relationships. Cancer, an emotional sign that needs stability to feel comfortable, is on the cusp of your Seventh House, or Descendant. This is the area of your chart where the western horizon was at the moment of your birth, and it relates to the qualities you look for in a partnership.

Although you consciously identify as a woman who longs for adventure and mind-expanding books, you crave nurturing and an "at-home" feeling with a boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with this -- it's just that you may judge yourself for this yearning. With Venus in Capricorn, you may think you need to keep a stiff upper lip when it comes to love. To show otherwise may be considered a sign of weakness. In addition, you may feel insecure about how lovable (Venus) you are because Capricorn has high expectations that are hard to live up to.

If you're moving away, he may not want to get too close. It's just the beginning of the year, and I imagine your term ends just before summer. Communication is not easy now -- with Mars retrograde in Gemini and Mercury turning retrograde on January 28 -- but you may need to have a direct conversation about where you want to go as a couple. Should you make most of your time together, and then break up when you graduate? Or try a long-distance relationship? If you both can feel comfortable with where you are and where you're going, he may pull away less often.

Labels: cancer, capricorn, sagittarius, seventh house

On Wednesday, Venus sextiles Neptune. The planet of love is in sporty, outgoing Sagittarius. Making a soft 60-degree angle to Neptune -- planet of spiritual transcendence and cheap wine -- she indulges in dreams of romance without getting too bogged down in emotional goo. However, her fantasies grow to ever-expanding proportions ... and when she finds out the guy she met online isn't a lacrosse-loving grad student but a pudgy accountant, she throws her Sidekick into her gym bag and swears off e-romance.

On Saturday, the planetary lovers face off. Mars finally backstepped out of Cancer into Gemini around the New Year. Although he's still retrograde, at least he doesn't have to hold his tongue lest he offend his mother. Nonetheless, he may be too busy burning old love letters to be totally present to Venus.

Venus opposite Mars is a steamy combination, but these planets are in the signs of ideas and facts, Sagittarius and Gemini. Venus -- when she can stay still -- wants to know "where it's going" and needs to see the how the relationship fits into the larger scheme of things. If she doesn't feel the partnership is meaningful, what's keeping her in it? (Other than the fact that her partner makes her laugh.) Meanwhile, Mars responds with sarcasm while still thinking about his ex.

First photo by Librarian Avenger, second by Patrick Doheny, both under CC license.

Labels: mars, venus

E. wants to know:

I'm interested in knowing more about First Meeting Charts. I met a man last year on May 31st at 9:30 p.m. here in New York. I'm wondering what the first meeting chart might say about our relationship? [submitted via Ask Jeff a Question on 1/9/2008]

You asked this exact same question over at Moonkissd by Jessica, and Jessica looked at your composite chart using NY, NY as the "birth" place. So it appears you want a second opinion.

Every moment in time has its own archetypal quality, ripe with meaning and possibilities. If you throw coins to consult the I-Ching or lay out a Tarot card spread, you are essentially looking at the forces that are in play at that very moment, and hoping to divine how these energies relate to your question.

In horary astrology -- which I am not using to answer this question -- one looks at the location of the planets at the moment the astrologer understands a querent's question. For example, an astrologer could look at the moment you wrote to Jessica, when you were wondering about the import of your first meeting with this man. What was your real question? Was it "What does the first meeting chart say about our relationship?" or "Where are things going with this guy? How come our relationship isn't holding true to the intense, fated quality of our first contact?" I don't know what the real question is. Perhaps you can tell us in the comments section.

The First Meeting Chart

You met this guy at the Sagittarius Full Moon. It was above the eastern horizon, in the 12th House of Secrets. Pluto was rising, closely conjunct the Sagittarius Ascendant. The ruler of the chart, Jupiter, was also in the 12th House, conjunct the Full Moon.

The chart suggests a moment of intensity. Pluto, the driving force of evolution, is powerfully placed on an angle. If someone were born at this moment, she'd be a combination of Sag Rising (outgoing, enthusiastic) and Pluto Rising (intense, mysterious, secretive, powerful). So this moment felt full of possibilities -- exotic, even -- as well as potentially transformative.

Contributing to the intensity is the Full Moon, a moment of culmination when energy has built up to a climax point. The Moon shines her light on the emotional need for adventure, meaning, expansion of the scope of one's life. Her conjunction to Jupiter, ruling planet of Sagittarius, only exaggerates this feeling of optimism about life.

It also suggests one's feelings going overboard, that emotions are larger than life.

Falling in the 12th House, there's a quality of secretiveness or the need to be hidden ... that you can't be public about your feelings. Freedom-loving Sagittarius is not the best sign for commitment, and the need to keep things hush does not set the best conditions to build a relationship. (Or maybe it just felt like a spiritually meaningful connection, as the 12th House also relates to mysticism.)

Meanwhile, Venus in Cancer was making an exact sesquisquare (135 degree angle) to the Moon. Like the square, this is an aspect of tension. The love planet was looking for security in the sign ruled by the Moon, and was in the out-in-the-open Seventh House, conflicting with the feelings of the moment.

So, E., does the above ring true?

I've lived in lesbian zones throughout my adulthood, from Ithaca NY and San Francisco to Brooklyn, where I recently moved from Dyke Slope to Windsor Terrace.

In light of my recent posts on Venus and Mars, I've been wondering about queer couples, and androgyny in general. (Not that they are necessarily related.) Although it is a stereotype to say that lesbians take on masculine characteristics and that gay men take on feminine characteristics, many gays and lesbians genderbend or crossover into opposite-gender mannerisms. Yet there are also lipstick lesbians and bears. I once had a lesbian psychotherapy client who was so ultra-feminine (Venus in Leo, by the way) that my experience with her totally shifted my perceptions about queerness.

And then there are straight people. According to my poll results, Mars in Virgo in a woman's chart won the most votes for attraction to a "feminine" heterosexual man. (Virgo is an earth sign with a feminine/negative/yin polarity, frequently associated with prissiness.) Many straights don't feel comfortable with the rigid behavioral scripts associated with their own gender. Some people have assumed I'm gay because I have some feminine mannerisms. My wife rarely ever wears skirts or dresses, and she's a better fixer-upper than I am. My daughter feels uncomfortable with the "girly girls" in fourth grade.

There is a fluidity to gender, and we ought not judge people based on how they "act out" their Venus and Mars. A butch dyke may feel more comfortable asserting her Mars and finding Venus in a feminine girlfriend. A straight "metrosexual" man may embrace his Venus while still feeling comfortable using his Mars to make the first move with women. (Or not.) A lipstick lesbian may identify as much with Venus as a straight "girly girl," yet project her Mars onto a woman instead of a man. A man who has sex with men may shun his Venus, while a gay man may embrace his inner queen.

We all have Venus and Mars in our charts. Just as the horoscope does not tell whether we're male or female, it may not indicate the degree to which we identify with either or both of these archetypes, or how much we project these archetypes onto others. Personally, I'm all for "owning" both Venus and Mars in one's chart. To the degree that you don't consciously express a planetary archetype, you will seek its expression in the environment -- especially via an attraction to people who embody that planet for you.

Looking at Jung's formulation of anima and animus, it would appear that a man who has not integrated his anima will be attracted to a hyper-feminine woman (SuperVenus!). Similarly, a woman who has not integrated her animus will be attracted to super-alpha-Rambo-men. Although there is nothing wrong with attraction to someone who displays exaggerated characteristics of Venus or Mars (as they are defined in one's culture), this attraction may suggest that one is not sufficiently in touch with his or her own opposite-gender planet (male/Venus, female/Mars) and hence needs to find its expression through a partner to feel whole or complete.

I'm not saying that if you truly "own" both Venus and Mars, you won't be attracted to anyone anymore. Simply that -- through study of your natal chart -- you can find ways to consciously express your opposite-gender planet to develop into a fuller human being.

First photo by skrufi, second photo by bobster1985 under CC license.

Labels: mars, venus

I wrote my first blog post on November 6, 2006. Here's the chart (using Whole Sign houses starting at 0 Aries because I don't remember the exact time I posted the entry -- so ignore the houses.)



As you can see, this blog is a Scorpio. In fact, its Sun is exactly trine my Pisces Sun, so we're compatible.

The Moon moved from Taurus to Gemini shortly before noon. I'd wager that this blog has a Gemini Moon because the comments section is so chatty.

It is no surprise that this blog is called Seduction Central, with Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter in Scorpio. A Venus-Mars conjunction is especially appropriate!

Comment below: What do you think this blog's Ascendant is? Who's willing to rectify Seduction Central's birth chart?

A reader expressed concern that I was writing too much about Scorpios and not enough about Capricorns. If you browse the pages for each of the signs (top of left sidebar), you'll see that I haven't written an equal number of posts about each of the twelve signs of the zodiac.

Why is this?

1. I write about what interests me, and what interests me is reflected in my natal chart and transits. Capricorns just don't fascinate me as much as Scorpios do. Although I am intellectually interested in all the signs, I have to write about my passions ... otherwise, what's the point?
2. I frankly believe that some zodiac signs generate more "juice" than others among my readers. The following table shows how many hits the Top 9 sign pages got over the last 30 days:

As you can see, the Scorpio page gets way more attention than the others, nearly double the Capricorn page. (And if you browse the social network, you'll see that apparently half the women are gaga for Scorpios.)

Of course, it is possible that through the Law of Resonance, Scorpio lovers have been attracted to Seduction Central to commiserate with each other. Perhaps there is another nest on the net that nourishes Capricorn lovers. (I really wonder.)

Some of you feel abandoned or overlooked. So here's a poll to let me know which signs you'd like me to write more about. I make no promises, but I do listen.

Around Tuesday's Capricorn New Moon, you may feel called to develop a stronger commitment in love. Drop a relationship that's going nowhere, or put your energies into furthering a partnership that has potential. (This lunation will affect one of your love houses if you have Gemini, Cancer or Virgo Rising.)

On Saturday, Venus squares Uranus. The goddess of love is already enjoying her freedom in Sagittarius, and a boost from the planet of independence may push her over the edge into uncharted waters. During this aspect, we are drawn towards the unconventional, seeking out experiences that shatter rigid relationship patterns. Venus has enough trouble with commitment in Sagittarius, a fiery sign that chooses adventure and values possibilities. When in stressful aspect with Uranus, you may feel tempted to stray from a current partner to fool around with someone who seems more exciting.

If you are in a relationship and want to keep it secure, the best thing to do at this time is shake things up: allow your partner more room to be an individual, for the more you try to control, the more your lover will want out.

If there's absolutely no romantic love in your life at this time, there's hope ... or at least ways to sublimate your desire. Surprises come from out of nowhere during a Uranus transit, and you may find love where you least expect it. Since this outer planet is associated with Aquarius, you might have fun flirting within a group situation, especially one that is focused on appreciating other cultures or waging peace with other countries. If you have an artistic outlet, create something that is likely to shock viewers out of their torpor, upending their convential view of life.

This aspect occurs at 15 degrees of mutable signs. If you have any planets or angles around this degree area in Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius or Pisces, Venus square Uranus will have the strongest impact on your horoscope.

You can get a free copy of your chart at astro.com. If you don't know how to read it, consider purchasing an Astrology Birth Chart and Report at tarot.com.

Comment below: How do you need to shake things up in your love life?

Labels: horoscope

We all have a "type," an idealized image of a man or woman. This attraction matches an archetypal pattern within ourselves, corresponding with Venus or Mars. Yet, often who we end up with more closely matches the Moon or Sun in our charts. I like to think of these four planets as symbolic of the four people cards of each suit in the Tarot. Venus is the princess or page, Mars is the prince or knight, the Moon is the queen, and the Sun is the king. When we are young, we are drawn to the princess and prince archetypes, but as we age, we ultimately settle down with the queen or king. Astrologically, a straight woman may fall for Mars but end up with her Sun, while a straight man may fall for Venus but end up with his Moon. (Many articles about the astrology of same-sex love can be found at astroqueer. I'm assuming if you're a gay man you'd look at Mars and the Sun, and Venus/Moon if you're a lesbian, but some would argue that many of the asteroid goddesses are relevant for the latter.)

In the comments section of Do you love your man for your Venus, BalancedSag writes

I definitely get really close and bonded with a venus/talking/communicating type of guy, and then end up with a mars/masculine type somehow instead EVERY TIME.... Maybe its that I am a fire sign and the masculine type of guy (cave man) moves that fire in me more. It is not always worth it though. The water in me (scorpio) ends up feeling soooo neglected (like right now, for example!!).

Even though she feels close to Mars in Scorpio (a feminine polarity Water sign), she ends up with her Sun in Sagittarius (a masculine polarity Fire sign).

A Personal Example

I have Pluto opposite Venus in Pisces. I've had a pattern of being consumed with wispy, willowy artist/poet/dancer types, yet the woman I've ultimately chosen to be with has a chart congruent with my Sixth House unaspected Moon in Aquarius. She's smart, independent and unconventional (Sun square Uranus, the modern ruler of Aquarius) and very focused on health and order/organization (Venus in Virgo, several Sixth House planets).

You're Not My Type

When you automatically refuse someone's advances because he doesn't fit the image of who you want, which part of your chart is talking? And how do you even know who's good for you? Maybe being with your Moon or Sun scares you, and you'd rather be with Venus or Mars. One reason for this fear may be that the Sun and Moon are the archetypes of the father and mother. Does a guy really want a girl just like the girl who married dear old Dad? It is actually all too easy to choose someone similar to a parent because your mother or father forms the template by which you understand and judge adults of the gender to whom you are attracted.

Of course, different planets express their needs depending on your life priorities. If your biological clock is ticking, you're coming from your Moon, and looking more for a Sun than a Mars. If you're looking for adventure and excitement, you may be looking for Mars instead of a Sun. Likewise, a guy may search for the Moon when he wants to settle down and start a family, after he has sowed his wild oats with multiple Venuses. (Or he just stays with his wife and cheats on her with a younger woman.)

These are grand generalizations, and the astrology of desire and mating is more complex than outlined above. But I'd love to hear thoughts!

Comment below: If you're a woman, what are your Mars and Sun signs, what kind of guy are you attracted to, and what decade of life are you in? And if you're a guy, what are your Venus and Moon signs?

First photo by brokenchopstick, second by Dianna Williams under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, sun, venus

Do you just love this blog? Then nominate it for the 2008 bloggies!

My recommendation is "best topical weblog" ;)

Voting closes tonight 10pm Eastern time, so don't delay!

In a woman's chart, the sign Mars is in can signify the type of guy to whom she is attracted. (But don't forget planets that occupy and rule the Seventh House!)

Don't know where your Mars is? Get a free copy of your chart at astro.com.

Related post: Do you love your man for his Venus?

Many women don't want to put with a guy who doesn't appreciate her Mars, whether she likes to spar or play Halo. We are no longer confined to rigid fifties era gender roles, but people vary in the degree to which they successfully integrate their masculine and feminine selves. I've written elsewhere about men's ability to be with their feelings, suggesting that guys are still raised to choose the rational over the emotional. The article was a reaction to a woman's comment on this blog about her Cancer boyfriend's crying. If women want to be embraced for their masculine tendencies, shouldn't men be embraced equally for their feminine sides?

The feminine planets

There are two planets that symbolize the feminine: the Moon and Venus. Crying would fit under the Moon. This celestial body relates to the instinct to nurture, to belong. The Moon governs habits, instinctual responses, what makes us feel comfortable. Some lunar qualities don't really correspond to gender, yet others -- like "mothering" and having a strong feeling life -- are traditionally feminine. In a man's chart, the Moon may signify the wife.

Venus signifies the young woman to whom a man is attracted. But this planet is much more than that. In addition to governing relationships, Venus is all about charm, compromise, the ability to attract and seduce. This planet also relates to our values and preferences -- what we love. Venus is an "art" planet, and often a prominent Venus will correspond with artistic or musical talent, as She rules aesthetics, beauty and graceful form.

No doubt, a man who exhibits grace, manners and charm can be quite attractive (think Libra, which is ruled by Venus). Yet, via our cultural definitions, when does a man's Venusian side get characterized pejoratively as feminine? Homophobia is still widespread, and combined with sexism, a man's limp wrist or exquisite fashion sense may be seen as less "manly." Witness the metrosexual craze a few years ago, when a hetero guy got manicures and spent $200 on jeans. Just by virtue of taking care of his looks, doubt was cast upon his sexuality. Some women find this hot, yet others are attracted to a "guy's guy."

The devaluation of the feminine

We still live in a patriarchy, in which men have more power (and hence value) than women. Hence, it may be more "OK" for a woman to get a black belt in karate or play World of Warcraft than for a guy to get a facial and spent lots of money on hair products, or for a boy to go to ballet class. I (Sun, Mercury and Venus in Pisces) have always gravitated towards fields that are dominated by women: literary magazine in high school, counseling psychology in grad school, astrology later in life, expressive dance throughout my adulthood. And as "valuable" as literature, education, social work and the arts are, they don't pay. Big business and engineering do. Do you see a pattern? If teachers hold the key to our children's futures, why are their salaries so low? Could it be because they are predominantly women?

Nurturing and beauty, the Moon and Venus. Men need both, but they detach themselves from integrating these archetypes, choosing instead to get their lunar and Venusian needs met through women -- going for trophy wives, arm candy (objectification of women) or looking to their wives and girlfriends to "mommy" them instead of finding ways to express their own nurturing and aesthetic impulses.

So, the question is: What are women's attitudes towards men who are able to integrate these qualities, even if it makes them apparently less "manly" according to our rigid cultural stereotypes? And is this just an "American" thing? Please share your thoughts below.

Photos by icanteachyouhowtodoit under CC license.

Labels: mars, moon, venus