A reader asks:

how does a leo girl win over (or win-back) a capricorn man. i am in love with him but he made many mistakes and i overreacted because im a leo and now i fear his opinion of me is forever damaged. how can i burrow into his heart like he did mine or more importantly, why am i so drawn to such a cold person?

Your Capricorn burrowed into your heart because he's a patient digger. He'll work tirelessly to get what he wants. I'm sure once he got into your heart, he soaked in the heat for which his cold bones yearned. Yet what are you willing to do to reach his heart? If Cap had to burrow to reach a Leo's heart, you'll probably need an hydraulic hammer to break through the rock that covers his.

I have a feeling that Cap felt your overreaction was improper, or immature, and that he wishes you'd respond like a grown-up. "Working" your smile may not be enough. Capricorn will respect you when you act like dignified royalty instead of a petulant child -- both are equal expressions of the Leo archetype, but carrying yourself like a Queen will more likely gain his respect.

Addendum

Why are you drawn to such a cold person? There is no hot without cold. If you are the Sun, radiating warmth to the solar system, then Capricorn is Saturn, cold and defensive, shielding himself from galactic visitors with his protective rings.

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Labels: astrology, capricorn, compatibility, leo

A reader asks:

I recently had my heart broken by a Scorpio male who claimed he is better "on his own" yet ended it with "I may come back around."

How do you win a Scorpio male's affections for good?

You're being led on. Are you going to wait around while your Scorpio ex plays his power trip? If he claimed he was better on his own, why would you want him back? I know you love him, but you also have to (1) respect yourself and (2) be realistic.

Scorpios don't turn around when they've left. This fixed sign sticks around and doesn't budge, but once a relationship has died, he moves on. If you're a snake who has just shed, are you going to try to fit back in to your old skin?

Which leads to the question, "How do you win his affections for good?" I hate to bust your delusions, but nothing is permanent. You cannot make anyone love you forever. If you initially win a Scorpio's affections, probably the best way to maximize the chances he'll stick around is if you keep changing. Scorpios undergo major transformations at the frequency that the rest of us tie our shoelaces, and if you remain static, he's going to get bored by you. Regardless of your sign, you ought to occasionally dig up your skeletons to see if anything is ready to be exhumed. Your psychological growth should at least keep him interested.

Comment below: How do you keep a Scorpio interested over the long haul?

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Labels: astrology, scorpio

A reader commented on Will the Virgo man commit?

It's the 'finding fault with me' that is a challenge...how can a Libra woman who appreciates balance, beauty, and brains be patient enough and strong enough to get through this? The Virgo man is kind, generous, caring, and seems to love me but he sure can get critical and grumpy sometimes!

I agree. It must be a challenge. Libra is ruled by relationship-focused Venus, whereas Virgo's planetary ruler is mental Mercury. Venus appreciates, Mercury analyzes. They have completely different ways of experiencing the world. Mercury doesn't care about making peace; he doesn't even have value judgments. Perhaps that's the key to living with his criticism: he's not saying that you're "bad," just that you're doing whatever you're doing in a less-than-efficient manner.

Venus can get caught up in concerns about her approval rating, but Mercury doesn't vote in popularity contests. If anything -- being the trickster -- he wants to upset the beauty pageant, showing it for the sham that it is.

Nonetheless, Virgo will do what he can to help you improve your chances of being crowned. He may do it by noting the rip in your hemline, or that your posture leaves something to be desired. He's not aware that he's hurting your feelings. The Virgo man is just trying -- the only way he knows how -- to help you win.

Comment below: How do other Libras cope with Virgo's criticism?

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Labels: astrology, compatibility, libra, virgo

I once heard in graduate school that many CEOs hire sex workers to dominate and humiliate them. Why? Because when you are in a position of extreme power, your psyche needs to compensate. If the Alpha Male never allows anyone to perceive weakness or vulnerability in him, the stress takes its toll. He needs to totally let go and express the part of himself that wants to be a baby or a slave or what-have-you ... a totally helpless human being.

Power dynamics are often eroticized. Doctor-patient, boss-employee ... the crossing of a boundary can be a turn-on. Playing out different roles in the bedroom (or hotel room, for married CEOs) is a cathartic way to explore vulnerabilities.

Capricorn symbolizes the heights, the pinnacle of career success. Cap works hard to get where he is, and may shut down parts of himself to get there. He overcompensates to make up for his youthful insecurities. All too often, anything considered weak gets pushed aside into the recesses of his psyche. However, these parts of himself don't disappear. They need expression, and maybe it's better to seek humilitiation in the confines of a motel than in the public realm. On the other hand, slow-moving planets passing over the highest point in our natal charts can sometimes expose our secrets to the world, making the personal public.

Talk about humiliation!

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Labels: astrology, capricorn

Of course he will! Unless he has strong Aquarian or Sagittarian energies in his chart, your Virgo man is loyal, steadfast and true.

An earth sign, Virgo needs a predictable routine to feel comfortable. He's not one to flit around from woman to woman (you know who you are, Gemini!). Virgo prides himself on being reliable, and will feel regret if he lets you down.

If your Virgo man is sitting on the fence, he is carefully deliberating whether this is the relationship for him. He needs to think things over carefully, and will likely over-analyze the workings of this partnership. He will find fault with you, for sure ... but if he feels he can help you improve, your shortcomings are not a dealbreaker.

Only after careful scrutiny will he come to a decision. And if he wants in, he's in all the way.

Comment below: Is there a Virgo out there with commitment problems?

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Labels: astrology, virgo

If an Aries woman senses that a man will get in the way of her independence, or try to stifle her will in any way, she will feel like a caged animal. When you box in a mammal whose nature it is to thrust ahead, you elicit anger. When she realizes that she has no power to transcend this imposed limit, she feels anxious. Keep her locked in long enough, and she gets depressed.

This is no way to treat an Aries, man! If an Aries woman gets antsy around you, it's a sign that you need to back off, give her some space. You cannot control the burst of new life that is Spring, so what makes you think you can control an Aries woman? It's like trying to prevent a bud from blooming. The force of nature cannot be contained.

Comment below: Are you an Aries woman? What makes you nervous?

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Labels: aries, astrology

If you keep paying attention to your Leo man, he ought to stay interested. He just wants an adoring audience. His ruling planet is the Sun, and imagine how our star would feel if no planets revolved around it? What's the point of all that gravitational pull if you can't draw anything into your field? Why emit all that warmth if there are no bodies to benefit from its fire?

You see, the Sun wants to shine its light upon you, but only if you promise to keep orbiting. You should have enough momentum to not get sucked into its flames and burned alive, but not be so big and powerful that you're a competing star.

If you can master that, he'll love you even if you're demoted.

Comment below: How do you keep your Leo man interested?

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Labels: astrology, leo

Like Aries taking things slow, "Pisces man being possessive" is oxymoronic. Pisces, the last sign of the zodiac, is a "let it be" sign, more polyamorous than possessive. He wants to love the world; there are no boundaries, no limitations, in love. Yes, his feelings are easily hurt, and he may feel abandoned or play the martyr if you flirt with other men. But possessive ... no.

Venus, the planet of love, travels no further than two signs from one's Sun sign. A possessive Pisces could have Venus in Taurus, the sign that wants to own it's lover. Taurus is fixed earth, stubbornly holding on to anything it acquires. Taurus is also related to issues of self-worth -- if you're talking to some other guy, your Pisces man may be wondering what that guy's got that he doesn't! He's scared of change, and doesn't want to let you go.

The upside of this combination is that your Pisces man is both romantic and dreamy (Pisces) as well as sensual and lusty (Taurus). Sounds like a good lover to me, so if he occasionally gets insecure when you talk to that guy at the bar, just provide him some extra reassurance, and I'm sure after he sulks he'll prove to you why he's a keeper.

Comment below: Is your Pisces possessive?

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Labels: astrology, pisces

Mercury goes retrograde in Pisces the day before Valentine's. When Mercury apparently moves backwards in the sky, unfinished business comes back for resolution. We "re"-turn to old matters. Since it's happening in Pisces*, your ex may come back ... at the very least to rehash the reasons why he left you.

Mercury retrograde has a bad rap for communications gone awry. However, it's good for revisiting the past. If your Pisces man returns to talk, clear up any confusion, shatter any delusions. His ruling planet, Neptune, is being challenged right now by Saturn, god of hard, cold reality. Illusions are being shattered until summer, and you have the opportunity to distinguish fantasy from fact.

*Mercury moves back into Aquarius on Feb. 26, and returns into Pisces on March 18.

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Labels: astrology, breakups, pisces

Taste ... you've got it. In fact, you both got it. Although Taurus and Libra are incompatible by both element and modality†, they are both ruled by Venus, goddess of love and beauty. Libra has an aesthetic sense of balance and grace, whereas Taurus has a more sensual appreciation of art and the body. The Taurus woman may not be as cultivated as Libra, but surely she can transcend her vulgar leanings to meet him at the museum or a nice restaurant. If you're eating out, don't grunt. Taurus rules the throat, so it is all too easy to signal your pleasure with a lusty "hmmm!" -- guttural noises will turn off Libra. And if you're viewing a painting collection, it may require force of will to abstain from feeling the texture of the brushstrokes; Libra will chafe if you climb under the velvet ropes. Manners are all it takes! If you can act like a lady instead of the earth goddess you are, then how can Libra not be impressed?

†Taurus is fixed earth, Libra is cardinal air.

Comment below: Share your Taurus-Libra stories.

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Labels: astrology, compatibility, libra, taurus

Now, that's odd. If your Aries man does not want to move fast, it's likely he has Venus in an earth sign -- he doesn't want to take risks. Normally, an Aries would go full throttle into a relationship; he knows what he wants, and he goes for it. He's not one to "hem and haw" when it comes to jumping into the waters.

Venus ventures no further than two signs away from one's Sun sign. Taurus, therefore, could be the culprit. The sign of the Bull takes things slow, indeed. Venus in Taurus doesn't like change, and is focused on security, so "she" will stick her toe in the water to test the temperature, as opposed to Aries, who will confidently dive right in. If the budding relationship feels "just right," Venus will cautiously submerge herself into the pool, and will keep an eye out for sharks. It is only when she feels comfortable that she will enjoy herself, and then it will take two lifeguards to pull her out of the water, because she won't want to leave.

An Aries with Venus in Taurus can come across then -- in matters of love -- like a split personality. He really does want to go for it, and does not usually consider the consequences of his actions, but he just can't help getting stuck in this area of his life. Unfortunately, he may not be able to see this aspect of himself clearly -- it's a bit of a blind spot. Just trust that if he says, "Let's take things slow," he means it ... otherwise, he would have left the pool to play football.

Comment below: Did your Aries man take things slow?

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Labels: aries, astrology

The easiest way to a man's heart may be through his stomach, but the most sure-fire way to fire up his loins is via the breasts. And both the tummy and boobs are ruled by Cancer.

Cancer governs the mother-infant bond, and the newborn connects with his or her mother through suckling. Freud broke taboos when he suggested that babies are sexual beings, and some mothers may not admit that they derive sensual pleasure from breastfeeding, but it's often true. The breasts signify maternal nurturance, and they are also erogenous zones.

What exactly is it about boobs that turns men on? Is it an instinctual response to identify the best mother for his progeny? A sociocultural imprint influenced by mass media? Or just a desire to once again feel maternal comfort as an adult?

I don't know. But if a home-cooked meal doesn't get your Cancer man hot, take off your apron and feed him the old-fashioned way.

Comment below: How do you turn your Cancer man on?

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Labels: astrology, cancer

Fellow NY astrologer Diana Brownstone has alerted me to her astrological compatibility advice in the Pensacola News Journal. The journalist who consulted her is a Sag married to a Scorpio, and the Web sites he has consulted lead him to believe that they are not a good match:

Astrology.com: "While Sagittarius may get fed up with Scorpio's stubbornness and inflexibility, Scorpio could be thinking their Sagittarius mate is just a little too hotheaded."

CrazyHoroscopes.com: "The Scorpio female is an emotional person who has a tendency to be jealous, whereas the Sagittarius male is the kind of guy who is outgoing, social and carefree."

However, there's more to compatibility than Sun signs. Diana looked at the horoscopes of both the journalist and his wife, and found that the journalist had four planets (Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars) in Scorpio -- which aligns with his wife's Sun. Likewise, his wife has three planets (Venus, Mars, Uranus) in Libra, which is the journalist's Rising Sign.

The moral of this story? Don't buy the simplistic explanations on Sun sign compatibility (including those on this blog!). They are, by their very nature, generalizations. To get the full picture, consult a professional astrologer, purchase a respectable computerized report, or learn how to read charts yourself and consult a good compatibility cookbook.

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Labels: astrology, compatibility, sagittarius, scorpio

Let's face it, Scorpios are stubborn. Scorpio is a fixed sign, resistant to change. The strength of this "modality" is that Scorpios will stick with a project or relationship until the bitter end, until either it dies from natural causes or he kills it.

The difficulty with fixed signs is that they don't let go easily. The "element" of the sign will tell you how they are intractable. Scorpio will hold on to his feelings for dear life, wringing every last drop out of the rag of resentment, the towel of tears, the cloth of ... well, you get it.

Not that Scorpio won't be rigid in his beliefs. In fact, he is likely to be somewhat conservative with his opinions. His thoughts about the world are heavily influenced by his family, and he feels threatened when a philosophy of life goes against what's familiar.*

So here's how you go about changing your Scorpio man's mind: First, understand that Scorpio's old belief system has to die -- just because that's the way he functions. There's no middle-ground with him. Next ... he needs to embrace a world-view in which caring and security are paramount. He believes in a nurturing Mother Goddess, or he's a "family values" type of guy. So, if you present an alternative, it should "fit in" with this general paradigm. He'll push back at first, then let the idea mull around in his unconscious. It's best to step back, and be patient. If his mindshift happens, it will occur after a violent death of his belief system -- but it will happen underground, so you may not notice. Afterwards, he will not mourn his old self -- it will already have burned away.

See, that wasn't so hard, was it?

*Cancer is in Scorpio's solar ninth house.

Comment below: How have you changed a Scorpio man's mind?

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Labels: astrology, scorpio

Pisces will not be a "rebel without a cause." More likely, he will be "musician without an income" or "alcoholic without control." You want to steer away from him. He's not going to consciously manipulate you into giving him money and a place to sleep; rather, he'll just be so helpless and pathetic -- by his very nature -- that you may feel compelled to take care of him.

When he says he's going to stop drinking tomorrow, or that he'll look through the classifieds in the morning, he does mean it. It's just that he's lying to himself. You see, Pisces is the sign of delusion. And since this sign is ruled by Neptune -- god of dissolution and disappearing acts -- don't expect the cash you lend him to stay in his pocket for more than a few hours. He'll tell you he can make it last, but before you know it, he's at Paddy O'Reilly's Pub or the Guitar Center, spending your hard-earned money on "drinks for the house," or this "really cool distortion pedal for my axe."

Pray to St. Jude, Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases, for there is nothing within your power to save the Pisces troublemaker.

Comment below: Have you gotten involved with a hopeless Pisces?

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Labels: astrology, pisces

Sag: I'm going out.

Taurus: No, you ain't.

Sag: What you gonna do, stop me?

Taurus: I'm gonna lock all the doors in this house.

Sag: You can't keep me here. I cannot be contained.

Taurus: Ha! I'm gonna contain yo ass right now!

Sag: I'd like to see you try.

Taurus: You don't understand. You're mine. What gave you the idea that you can come and go as you please?

Sag: What gave you the idea that you can keep me like one of your friggin' house plants?

Taurus: If you leave, don't think you can just waltz back in here. The locks will be changed.

Sag: Fine! I don't wanna come back anyway!

Taurus: Fine!

[Slam.]

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Labels: astrology, breakups, sagittarius, taurus

Did Virgo create the uniform fetish?

Do you find it odd that, during Halloween, "sexy" costumes include Naughty Nurse and French Maid? Virgo rules these and other service professions, like flight attendant and repair-person.

And those women (and men) who exclaim, "I love a man in uniform"? Well, military personnel are also ruled by Virgo.

Many of us eroticize being "serviced," so you can't go wrong by donning one of these costumes in Virgo's private quarters. Just make sure you've ironed out all the creases first!

And if you're going on a date? If you've got a pet, buy a sticky-roller and remove all dander and fluff. It's probably safe to button-up your blouse, at least to create the first impression that you're prim and proper. (Virgo's other side, as mentioned above, will come out behind closed doors.) If you're a man (or boi) dating a Virgo, tuck in your shirt and don't wear droopy socks.

Comment below: How do you dress for a Virgo?

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Labels: astrology, virgo

A reader asks:

I'm a Taurus with an Aquarius moon dating a man who's a Cancer with a Sagittarius moon. So we're the commitment-phobic homebodies. I know Cancer and Taurus match well, as do Aquarius and Sagittarius. But what kind of mix is this? Can we ever make it together? And how do I seduce this man?

--Name and birth times withheld--

You both have yin Suns (Earth and Water) and yang Moons (Fire and Air). The benefit of these matches is that you both approach the world in similar manners. Neither his desire to spend Saturday night at home nor his need to hop on a plane to Malaysia will shock you. Moreover, you get it when he gets all torn up over this inner conflict, because you feel it yourself. In a way, being with each other can be affirming, in that you both know you're not alone in having competing desires within yourselves. With the insight you have above, both of you can even laugh at yourselves when you act like you have multiple personalities.

But it depends on the space you each are in. We all need to express the nature of our Sun sign to feel fulfilled, yet we retreat to our Moon sign when life gets too stressful. You each instinctively respond to life in an outgoing way, chafing at anyone who tries to squelch your sense of freedom and individuality. Yet you're each conservative in nature -- not Dubya conservative, but in that you each prefer things to stay the way they've always been. What if your boyfriend is in Cancer mode while you are in Aquarius? He might not like you upsetting his home life. And what if he's in a Sag space while you crave Taurean stability? His purchase of two tickets to Siberia may rub you the wrong way. And what happens when the partner who's in a yin Sun space tries to inhibit the other's actions? The partner in yang Moon mode may say, "Screw this, I'm outta here!" However, you each can rely on your self-understanding to work through these conflicts.

And how can you seduce this man? Perhaps you can bring the Sagittarius experience into his home. Dress up in traditional garb from a foreign country, and cook him something exotic. This will appeal to both sides of his nature, and make him want more!

Want advice? Elsa is known to have given some.

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Labels: advice, aquarius, astrology, cancer, compatibility, sagittarius, taurus

Capricorn has worked hard to achieve his level of status and respectability, so the last thing you should do is sully his reputation.

• Don't do the slutty, trashy bit on the town with him -- he will not want to be seen with you again.
• Don't tell embarrassing stories about him at business functions.

Avoid pushing him to be more "expressive." Good luck!

Don't incessantly press him to spend more time at home. Of course, he should! But work is where he feels at home, and he may stay longer at the office if he feels that his domestic life is emotionally messy.

Comment below: What have you regretted doing to a Capricorn man?

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Labels: astrology, capricorn

It shouldn't be that hard. The Aries man drops things quickly if they bore him, and is not one to dwell in the past. Aries is in the ever-present NOW, engaged with whatever inspires him at this moment. It is almost as if he has no history. So why should he hold on to grudges? Most likely, he will express a burst of anger (or even rage), and then just let it go.

If an Aries man has trouble forgiving, it could be that he has the Moon or Mars in fixed signs (especially Leo or Scorpio). Every man is complex, and his Sun expresses only one (albeit important) part of his personality.

Many Aries men have Mercury and/or Venus in Pisces, the most forgiving of signs. He might be a warrior-martyr, initially feeling irritated and then believing he deserved to be a victim of your errant behavior. Then you can forgive him!

Comment below: Have you had difficulty being forgiven by an Aries man?

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Labels: aries, astrology

A Scorpio can be cruel to those he loves, so how do you know when he doesn't love you?

Scorpios can be secretive and manipulative, but they can also be intensely intimate and devoted. Why would they bother hurting someone they didn't care about? If a Scorpio is seething in resentment, he is still attached to the target of his anger. You can still be emotionally connected to someone without loving them, but if a Scorpio is going to let you in, he's likely to "love" you in some way; he trusts you enough, after all, to give you access to his inner sanctum. Perhaps Scorpio is confusing "love" with "trust," but any Water sign feels loving in a safe relationship.

Scorpio is the sign of sexual and financial intimacy. If he trusts you enough with his money, you best not betray him, or he will burn you to the ground. The same with sex -- sleep around, and you might as well hire an emotional bodyguard.

So if a Scorpio doesn't love you, does that mean that he won't bother destroying you? If you're in a relationship with a Scorpio man and he has fallen out of love, he may not try to actively hurt you. He may just put up a wall. It hurts when he's taken away your key, but be grateful that all you're getting is shut out. It could be much, much worse.

Comment below: How have you known when a Scorpio was no longer (or never) in love with you?

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Labels: astrology, scorpio

On the surface, Virgo is the sign of chastity. However, Virgo is no virgin. This sign relates to the archetype of the Sacred Prostitute, as well as the myth of Persephone and Demeter, in which Demeter's daughter was raped and abducted by Hades, Lord of the Underworld.

Virgo is concerned with integrity, with keeping "clean." Of course, when literalized this looks like obsessive-compulsive scrubbing and organizing. But in a deeper sense, Virgo wants his or her sexuality to be aligned with the intention to serve and be respectful of the body. This desire can manifest in a "master-slave" relationship, but the true Master is not the Dominatrix, but Goddess.

Virgo realizes that sexuality is a bridge to higher consciousness (Pisces), and that the body is a vessel of Spirit. With this in mind, it is easy to define what turns a Virgo off: any type of sex in which he feels that the bodies involved are not treated with the deepest respect. Being used, abused, shamed ... a Virgo may fall into the dark recesses of sex, but it is these wounds that propel him towards a higher expression of his sexuality. Techniques that connect the two worlds are more important than those that impress for ego's sake.

So dress as a schoolgirl if you want ...

Comment below: How have you managed to turn a Virgo man on?

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Labels: astrology, virgo