What happens when Mama's boy gets a wife
I first heard the Gretchen Wilson song 'If You Want a Mother' a few days ago, and I found the lyrics amusing. (Read them above in the widget.) It is not uncommon for a man who has been coddled by his mother to expect similar treatment from his wife. However, a woman does not want her husband to be a son, she wants him to be a man. And she is not turned on by taking care of someone who does not own up to the responsibilities of being an adult.
In this song, Gretchen sings that if her guy wants her to be a mother, he needs to be home by nine or else he's "grounded for the weekend." In addition, "big boys have to sleep in their own bed," so she'll tuck him in, but she sure as hell ain't giving him her Venus.
And isn't that what it's about, the split between the Moon (mother/child bond) and Venus (adult pleasures)? In a man's chart, the Moon symbolizes the wife and Venus symbolizes the hot young thang. How does he integrate these two archetypal images?
Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, we all pretty much want both in a relationship: to be nurtured and cared for, and to have hot sex. Some guys experience the Madonna/Whore split: The wife becomes a mother, and he has difficulty perceiving her as a sexually desirable person ... so he finds a mistress instead to meet his Venusian needs.
Read The Moon-Venus Conflict for more on the Madonna/Whore split. And for more on the eternal boy, read Peter Pan and Wendy, Gemini and Cancer.
Comment below: How do you experience men who look to you to be mothered, and how do you respond to them?
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 11/21/2007
5 Comments:
My experience was less about "mothering" in the sense of the song and more about meeting guys that wanted someone else to make all the decisions. YUCK! Probably had to do with Mars/Mercury conjunct Ascendant in Scorpio making me appear more dominant than I really am. Libra Sun/Moon is solidly into equitable relationships, thank you very much!
I hate to say it, but it sure seems like all guys want a mommy (that they can boink). They want to be waited on, they expect to be once they marry you, they give you lip action about independence and then whine at you to do their laundry when you don't even live together.
I really don't want a guy who sees me as a mother- his or a kid's, either way- so this is, well, nigh impossible to find.
Big yuck. I'd never date anyone with strong Cancer if I could help it.
@ neith:
I had a guy so much like this that when I asked what he wanted to do, he said, "Just being in your presense is enough. I don't care where we go or what we do."
This was romantic the first time, but all the time? He was the most passive "anything you want is ok with" kind of guy! I hated it.
When I broke up with him, I was saying "You are not my dog. I don't need/want a dog, so stop acting like it."
yuck!
Having asteroid Ceres conjunct Descendant makes me a classic sucker for the Mama's boy. It works only if he likes his mother. They usually don't.
(my last Leo disaster still lives with his, and he's 44)
I have had plenty of experiences with this! A man that I came close to being ingaged with years ago was a Cancer with Leo moon and his mother really did him in. The 1st year we dated I was trying to "meet" his mother (he was afraid of this meeting because I guess his mother was very critical and prejudice)and the last year we dated, was spent with him trying to get me to meet her (the Sag sun in me was thru with the whole thing)- never did meet her...
Then my marriage to a Sag that lasted 11 years had a mars in Cancer (it only takes 1 planet in this sign to come out!!!) and it mostly came out nicely for a loooong time, he loved to cook and be nurtering and be home, but once we went "home" to his country, his sister (the replacement for his mother in his culture, since his mother past away)changed everything. Whatever she wanted, she got - and she wanted him to join a wierd religious thing (he has scorpio rising, with uranus near the MC, and pisces south node...) and he obliged, ... long story short, he is a captive of her now, and I KNOW he loves his kids, but has been away from them now for 3 1/2 years because he will allow this Cancer force to rule him- he can't even talk to them (only time he did was when she went away for awhile!!!!)
Now, when it is the other way around, and you are the mother- it is pretty nice. I have a wonderful son w/taurus moon and cancer rising and you can't get much cuddlier and sweeter than that!! Yes, for an intelligent mother, it can't be beat- I say that it is good for an INTELLIGENT mother because you still have to know how to teach these beings how to treat their own wife when they grow up (and not take advantage of their mothers love!!!)!
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