Do Virgos get possessive?
If your Virgo drags you to a book-signing and you flirt with the author, what reaction will you elicit in your boyfriend?Fellow Earth sign Taurus is possessive because he thinks he owns you. Scorpio acts this way because he doesn't trust you. But Virgo? He's more likely to feel self-critical. "What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm not nerd-chic enough for her, so she makes eyes at the published author. And how come I haven't gotten it together to write a book yet? Maybe I need to work on myself more."
In general, mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) are so flexible that they neither cling to objects nor people. Gemini needs the variety, Sag loves their freedom, and Pisces loves the whole world! But Virgo's a strange combination: an Earth sign that craves order, but ruled by Mercury. This mental planet lends Virgo an analytic perspective focused on pragmatic (Earth) matters.
If seeing a girlfriend flirt is like seeing someone move his stapler from its ordained position on his desk, anxiety -- not possessiveness -- arises. Not all is right in the world, so he wonders how he can improve the relationship so that she doesn't get chat-happy with another man.
And if he starts picking you apart, it's just him projecting his self-criticism onto you. Sure, he's angry ... but he won't admit it. When he says, "Gosh, you made a fool of yourself talking to someone way out of your league, especially when you confused Derrida with Foucault ..." he'll justify his lashing with the excuse that he's just trying to help you better yourself. See, there's a difference between not wanting to share ... and hating yourself.
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 9/07/2007
37 Comments:
This is a hilarious critique (ha!) of critical Virgo's motivations! This is one sign, though, that might appreciate you telling them you're onto why they're so analytical. In the words of a Virgo male friend, "Two Virgos are perfect together or at least they will think so."
That's pretty spot on, I must say.
Whenever I feel like someone is turning their attention elsewhere - its very rarely anger at them for naturally noticing other people exist but anger of, "Whats wrong with me! What am I doing wrong that they are looking for someone else?"
One of the hardest things about being a Virgo is being so self-critical and having a hard time admitting it. One of my best friends (a gemini) has luckily come to know me so well that even when I'm pretending that everything is okay - she knows immediately otherwise and manages to get me to say why I am upset. (Though apparently really hard.) She's been surprised on many occasions that under that normal Virgo "confidence" is someone who has a lot of insecurities!
I always feel like thats something to keep in mind with Virgos. :) Hardly ever can you read one by first impressions. Or even years of impressions for that matter.
I also agree and feel thats its a bit different from most signs. Even when a Virgo is feeling hurt or insecure - instead of coming out and saying it or just confronting the problem, we tend to skip around it by being overtly nice or really cold. Or even just really critical of the other person. In a way I've come to realize we are pretty talented liars at times, even when we dont mean harm.
I have a Libra friend that has spent a lot of time flirting with me and I have always flirted back. I've known from the beginning that it is just that persons general behavior and for the most part have associated it as fun. However, the Libra has a habit of sometimes making me feel above everyone else, completely special and then the next moment skipping back and treating me like any other unimportant person.
Instead of just confronting for an answer on how they feel - I tend to "appear" that I've brushed it off and it means nothing.
Perhaps Virgo's are another master sign at playing cover-up to their true feeling. ;)
Virgos may not be possessive, but they get jealous because of feelings of insecurity. My last ex has a lot of Virgo in his chart (ascendant, 3 planets, north node). I could always tell when he was feeling jealous. He would get super critical of someone he thought I liked better than him. If I didn't say something right then to make him feel better, he would then get critical of my taste in guys, which made no sense because...hello, I chose him. I told him he should be a professional critic because he never ran out of material to criticize. We broke up because I got tired of having to defend him against himself all the time. After awhile, I started to agree with his negative self-assessments. I'm in marketing. You can't sell me on you if you're not sold on you. He was so critical of himself that it was almost painful to watch. It annoyed me how he noticed every little thing and couldn't move past it. Paralysis by analysis must've been written for Virgos. I definitely liked his confident, optimistic side better.
Virgos do best with people who can maintain a sense of humor about anything and help them lighten up.
I have a Gemini moon. I got dumped by a Virgo Sun/Asc about 1.5 years ago. We had great intellectual chemistry, but everything you say in this piece reminds me of why I do not miss him, especially the projection of the self-criticism and the anger.
Its always disheartening for me to read people's comments when they are virgo bashing. I love being a virgo. Quite often I listen to friends belonging to other sun signs complain about things that would be easily tackled if they had the ability to think without emotions, a trait of which I'm very pleased to have. As far as that whole possesive thing goes, color me not guilty. Ditto for the whole self-hatred thing to. Even when categorizing peoples actions by astrology, please remember that some people are more evolved than others. I use astrology as a tool to combat inherent negative tendencies. Stop Virgo bashing, we are great people!!!!
@SuchaVirgo, Was I Virgo bashing? I like to think I was just commenting on the "less evolved" of your kind. ( I have Virgo Rising myself!)
Jeff, someone's always gonna be upset over something that's said about a Sun sign. You can't please everyone all the time. For the sake of brevity, there are going to be Sun sign generalizations on this blog because comments are based on subjective experiences. No one has the time or energy to name all of the exceptions to every rule to avoid hurting someone's feelings. I think it's ironic that SuchaVirgo's comment is proving the generalization about Virgos true here. It's true that many Virgos can be sensitive to criticism, dislike heavy displays of emotion, and try to process feelings through their minds. Btw, four exclamation points at the end of a sentence is quite...emotive.
Positive traits of Sun signs can be found here (started by a Virgo, yeah!!!!).
I love Virgo bashing. My Leonine side loves to be the center of attention!
Whatever I'll write here, it will be probably held against me, I'm fully aware.
For these few years of being a Virgo and dealing with a lot of natives of this Sun sign, I know one thing - If you try to compliment a Virgo or reassure her, she'll only find that your arguments somehow exclude themselves, and it would be the best for you to stop convincing her, before she tells you that you're incoherent. Her self-esteem is a bottomless pit anyway. If a Virgo doesn't find some kind of steady anchor in herself, and she doesn't start loving herself first, she will continue behaving like that. She has to be more Piscean, let go of her beloved reason, and realize that she's perfect in her imperfect way.
However, she still should try to improve the reality - that's her responsibility, but when she's using her "talents" against herself, she's not doing anyone a favor.
That clarified, I admit - I think that in few years I'll be able to join society again ;)
What's wrong with four exclamation points? I still don't agree with you guys, but the REALITY is, I don't have to. Once again, being a Virgo is awesome!!!!! (Wow, five this time!) :)
That sun sign appreciation thread is great Jara!! Now I'm not so peeved about the "virgo bashing". :)
I love this!@ Fiametta: "She has to be more Piscean, let go of her beloved reason, and realize that she's perfect in her imperfect way.
However, she still should try to improve the reality - that's her responsibility, but when she's using her "talents" against herself, she's not doing anyone a favor."
It's really a never-ending battle trying to get a Virgo to not see everything as criticism (with my Saturn and North Node in Virgo, I'm constantly working on that myself!).
Groucho Marx has a great quote that always struck me as quite Virgoan: "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." He was born on Oct. 2, 1890. Although he's a Libra, I wonder if there are any Virgo planets placed prominently in his chart??
@Anonymous (aka SuchaVirgo?):
No one said being a Virgo was anything but awesome. As stated on the homepage, Jeffrey has a dry sense of humor. Therefore, he's an equal opportunity teaser. I don't take offense at the stereotype of Cancer being a whiny, extra-sensitive cry-baby who thinks with heart first, brain second (if ever). I take the essence of the stereotype and keep it moving. I'm an emotionally-based person (point for the stereotype), but I believe I act more logical/rational than a lot of air signs I've met, who supposedly have a monopoly on the logic market (point for exceptions to the rule). Sun sign astrology are generalizations of TENDENCIES, not exact descriptions.
You're getting caught up in the details of his words, rather than the bigger picture of his meaning. So chill, and stop acting like "SuchaVirgo". :P
@SuchaVirgo:
e·mo·tive
–adjective
1.characterized by or pertaining to emotion
I found it ironic that you
mentioned priding yourself on being able to remove emotion from thought, yet the comment itself seemed quite emotional to me, especially with the heavy use of exclamation points (the very purpose of which is to demonstrate high emotion/excitement).
Oh yeah, and we have Fiametta to thank for the sun sign appreciation thread. :)
"We have all the other threads to whine and complain, and here let's do some admiring and respecting." - Fiametta
That had me cracking up! LOL
Jara, it's interesting that you have Saturn AND North Node in Virgo - past and future direction.
I checked Groucho - I believe he was born with Saturn in Virgo.
That had me cracking up! LOL
Oh yeah, I'm just a little ray of sunshine ;)
Couldn't it be any more ironic that Virgo/Capricorn encourages others to be positive?
Past and future direction? What does that mean? I get pulled in two different directions?
Ah, that makes sense if Groucho has Saturn in Virgo. I related to his comment very much. It's a contradiction that makes "perfect" sense to me. He probably held the hypothetical club in high esteem BECAUSE of it's exclusivity, thinking, "Wow, this club has discriminating (admirable trait to Virgo) taste!" However, if the club accepts him (with all of his flaws that he's so very aware of), then all of a sudden he's questioning the club's sense of judgment. And now he doesn't wanna be a member of the club that exercises flawed judgment. lol
It is very astrologically ironic that a Virgo/Capricorn is encouraging everyone to be positive. Maybe the Capricorn in you is taking charge to help the Virgo side fix the imbalanced negativity:positivity ratio. ;)
Aw man, I have to make this correction. It's bugging me (I hate details!):
He probably held the hypothetical club in high esteem BECAUSE of ITS exclusivity...
Wanted: Someone who loves proofreading, editing, and wielding large erasers at a moment's notice.
Yes, I was anonymous, I didn't realize that I wasn't signed in. :) oopsie!!!!!! There I go being emotional again!!!!!! Wow! It never stops with this Virgo gal. :)
Jara, if you're interested in the theory of reincarnation, then from this perspective Saturn is supposed to be one of the strongest indicators of conditions of your past life/lives. Usually it represents the type of behavior you were most likely overly indulging in (like Jupiter does, I guess, since Jupiter-Saturn couple is one of the most important polarities in astrology) and in this life you have to learn restraint in these matters. This is your area of responsibility. North Node shows the direction of your spiritual growth for this lifetime. I believe that MC is more about future in the terms of social status, social obligations etc.
I guess it means that you have to be at Virgoan best or something this way ;)
Yes, and it's about Saturn, not just any other planet, in Virgo. After all, this celestial body is associated with having respect for something and with different elites (ever seen a Capricorn sharing his peak with a lot of people?;)
I think that more typical Virgo wouldn't have time "for this nonsense" ;)
I blame all my planets in the fire signs for such careless behavior ;)
Write in Polish, I'll do proofreading for you!
Hahahah, SuchAVirgo, yes the number of the exclamation points you use increases rapidly. Behave yourself! Be prim and proper!
Thanks for the 411!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thankyou Thankyou Fiametta and Jara for putting a cheshire cat-like smile on my face.
You ladies wouldn't be picking on me now would you?
:)
I tease out of love. :) *hugs*
I'm exactly the same :)
.. ok, stop this mushiness!
*poking Fiametta and SuchAVirgo and dipping their hair in black ink*
the question at the top of the page says, 'Do Virgos get possessive?'. how many people got distracted from the topic of conversation itself?
i believe anyone can be possessive regardless of sun sign, and other astrological traits. just as someone born in an 'emotive' sign can be as logical as a 'rational' one. people are individuals, not groups, and there are no sure-fire ways to know exactly how people operate without getting to know them first.
peace
I like it when my virgo seems possesive..tho it is rare..he goes between comments of complete detachment, like "If she's ok with it, I'm ok with it" when someone hit on me, to comments about "Kicking someones but for looking at his woman". But he always waffles when if comes to any emotion. the first time he called me his girlfriend caused quite a backlash for him. He paniced himself and demoted me to potscrubber the next week. lol.. then i got repromoted to g/f a week or two after that. I take it all in stride. He loves me thats all i need to know.. even if he scares himself silly doing it. accept or not, but respect who that person is and dont set out to change them. I'm a scorpio if thats matters :)
Yep, that's me. So critical of myself that if I think my boyfriend is flirting with someone else I think it is because there is something wrong with me! HAHAHA! That virgo self critical nature SUCKS!
Because I am now dating a Virgo (sorta) I stumbled upon this blog (in order to better understand him), then it started to dawn on me that I'm just like Virgos in the sense that I always self criticize and think, WTF is wrong with ME. I always criticize others to make them feel bad for my lack in whatever dept. Combine that with my Cap moon and yeah...I can be quite abrasive. My Leo rising will also tell ya like it is!
So that forced me to take a quick glance at my natals (hehe vitals) cuz I knew I my moon was in Virgo, and low and behold ladies and gents, I've got FIVE planets in Virgo!! GEEZ!!! But for the first time in my life, I think I actually "get" a guy (this Virgo dude I'm talking to). It's kind of frustrating at first, but at least now I can understand why he's the way he is and not be so defensive. Must be my Mars and moon in Virgo. Yeah, possessive, I don't really see it. In fact, my Sun craves the security and reassurance and without the slight jealousy, it makes me feel uncared for. If any of you are bored enough, here are my five Virgos:
planet sign degree motion
Sun Capricorn 17°25'41 in house 5 direct
Moon Virgo 26°34'42 in house 1 direct
Mercury Capricorn 9°41'10 in house 5 direct
Venus Aquarius 20°42'41 in house 6 direct
Mars Virgo 14°58'59 in house 1 direct
Jupiter Virgo 9°58'29 in house 1 retrograde
Saturn Virgo 27°01'01 end of house 1 stationary (R)
Uranus Scorpio 24°23'37 in house 3 direct
Neptune Sagittarius 21°11'29 in house 4 direct
Pluto Libra 21°41'51 in house 2 direct
True Node Virgo 0°02'20 in house 1 direct
@CappyCat, the N Node is not a planet, but I get your drift. It's still significant. Boy, are you EARTH.
Miss Cappy Cat says,
"I knew I my moon was in Virgo, and low and behold ladies and gents, I've got FIVE planets in Virgo!!"
A true submissive.
I sense a certain Scorpion's mouth is watering somewhere in the shadows.
WOW!!!! SO true!!!! I would LOVE to have a Scorpio just DEVOUR me!
Jeffrey, I'm really earth eh? Meaning???
I AM IN A POSTING MOOD TONIGHT MUST BE THE CAFFEINE.. VIRGOS ARE CRAZY I KNOW THIS VIRGO GUY.. LET ME TELL HE HAD FIT WHEN HIS LAST GIRLFRIEND SCREWED SOMEONE OF THE SAME RACE. IT WAS A INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP. BUT HE HAS A TEMPER AND YES HE CAN BE NOSY AND POSSESSIVE. AND HE CAN HURT TOO. BUT HE WILL MOVE ON. BUT VERY CAUTIOUSLY.
@cappycat, you have 4 planets in Virgo and 2 in Capricorn. So "really earth" means being very pragmatic, focused on reality, the bottomline, what you can actually measure.
I'm dating a Virgo man and he never showed signs of being possessive. My virgo is very observant and watches my actions. When other men look at me he do not show signs of possession, but he will later do something that I least expect to let me know by his actions that he care. I love my virgo!
I have strong planets on the sign all with positive aspects and being honest and letting my self-criticism speak, oh boy can I get possessive sometimes u_u. Yep, sometimes I even have to tell loved ones not to get "funny" else I might make something drastic. I guess I am an little bit modified version lol
@bgass...true my Virgo man doesn't show overt jealousy, but I know that he watches the men that watch me because he will say things later. Also, I guess I hadn't realized that his criticisms of me were his insecurities, possibly because I also have Virgo rising and probably do the same thing to him! My Bf has Sun, Venus, Uranus and Pluto in Virgo.
Guys, I have just read all of your comments and would love to tell tht I agree with all negative mischaracters (I would call it like tht) Virgos have. I had a relationship with Virgo lasting for 3 years and during those years, being Libra myself, I couldnt really understand wht this person likes what dislikes. He was always critisizing me for something I thought I did wrong but actually finally I used to find out tht he liked this behaviour of mine but felt it impotant to make some comment which was in a shape of critics. We have been together for 3 years because, although he never told me how much he loves me, he didn't let me go and I used to think he loves me. We could find common language only in bed not in everyday life. Finally because of those misunderstandings and quarrels, we never got married and I had to break with him as I didn't believe in our future. He never said anything, just accepted everything as it was. Later I found out from his friends tht he really cared for me, really loved me and didnt stop me because he thought if I go it means I dont love him any more. The problem with him was he never liked telling what he feels, what he likes. If he did I would know to expect and to do. I know one other Virgo guy who is a fiancee of my friend and he is typical my ex. I'm sure they are all the same, it's so difficult to understand them. Finally, after I broke with him, I gave a birth to his child and he knows abt it. He wants us to get back to him but I'll never do it again, cause although I love him madly, I have no more nerves to stand his cold character. Sorry for taking you time, but it's such a painful topic for me tht I needed to tell it to someone
But, I need to add tht, they are helpful friends, whenever you ask him of a favor to help he does it immediately, and it's not only him all virgos I've known
interesting ,, you know what my child is due in sept. or october... and he has not yet called lately after this big blowup we had. to see how i am doing. i am quite sure he is concerned but. virgo men . i will never know if he ever loved me or what i know he liked me and being with me. but he was critical got on my nerves.. and being a sag girl we do not take to criticism that well. i got to understand him. i see his vulnerablity which he is afraid to show and yes he is hot one minute then cold. lovers we could not keep our hands off each other. but out of the bedroom . our egos clashed. then we call each other and apologize then two days later. boom the rockets go off. it was a tv made movie.
to comment on the 2nd to last anonymous comment above, I wanted to say that I understand your pain. I have dated a Virgo for 4 1/2 years and we are near breakdown/ending because, although he does tell me his feelings (at times), he doesnt enough, and he doesn't talk about our future. We are "to get married" etc... - but when I bring up stuff - he never says anything... urrr. As for the hot and cold stuff - I can understand that, even if you have a child together, you may not want to get back together, as for the too cold stuff. I agree. It is SOOO painful. I swear that my partner wants to torture me. One day it is soo wonderful and the next day, he forgets to call me, hug me, anything - he makes a Scorpio look like a sweet buttercup TeddyBear. I don't think any sign can be as cold as a Virgo (when they want to be) - not even a Scorpio (at least they will show emotion thru jeolousy or something?!!) If it weren't for the fact that he was SOOOO loving and WONDERFUL they DAY before - I would EASILY walk away?! I think that whoever discovered torture - was a Virgo (sorry for the great ones out their - I have many Virgo friends - and I know their GREAT sides too!!!)
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