What to do when your Cancer man is angry at you
An angry Cancer man is not a pretty sight. He'll withdraw into his shell and refuse to talk to you, or just bitch and complain (whine). Passive-aggressiveness is also common for a water sign that is famous for moving sideways.More likely than not, he's angry because you wounded his sensitive crabmeat, or your actions elicited his fierce protectiveness towards those he loves. It is natural to feel angry when you don't feel safe.
Therefore, the first step towards reconciliation is acknowledging that you posed a threat, and that you will do everything you can to maintain Homeland Security. (And although our current President is a Cancer, do not follow his example. Torturing others to save your relationship is off limits!)
Talk is just talk, though. The Cancer man, as a member of the cardinal signs, prefers action over words. (A warm embrace counts more than verbal reassurance.) Your overtures should reflect a sincere desire to make things right. Cancer, ruled by the Moon, is an intuitive sign, and will be able to tell if you're just going through the motions.
Cancer's feelings of safety are based on emotions, not logic, so a home-cooked meal may indeed do the trick, provided he can taste the love. A cup of warm milk and a nice cuddle can also melt the Crab's defenses.
Comment below: What would you do if a Cancer man were angry at you?
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 7/18/2007
29 Comments:
I got into a fight with a Cancer male friend recently. We didn't speak for six weeks, until I finally broke down and apologized for what I said over email. He responded as if everything were normal and friendly as usual, as if nothing ever happened... So if you want to get back in his good graces, be sure to 1) apologize first and take responsibility for the fight, b/c he likely thinks he's been wronged by you; and 2) be prepared to forego extended discussion and analysis of the fight. I think discussing emotional issues this straightforwardly is very difficult for them. Just accept their return to the fold and move on.
Let them vent, ignore but make sure in advance they can count on you (unless you freak out cause they've freaked out and decide never to speak to your Cancer ever again, which will hurt them terribly, cause they didn't really mean anything bad, they just needed to vent). Call back or (in case of very brief explosions; yes, those happen too) continue speaking of something third after a while, when they stop swearing or however they were expressing their current mood.
apologize and truly mean it, buy him a drink, feed him a home-cooked meal, talk about his childhood...better yet have his mother bake a favorite dessert and all is forgiven
"his sensitive crabmeat"
I am clearly thinking of something else here
This post is making me hungry for some crabmeat.
And...LOL@Cappylady
And...Amen!@Anon 5:07
I let him vent, talk about it, and give him space to gather his emotions. For my cancer friend he is very moody and if he doesnt have space, he gets more crabby.
Hey, this is synchonicity at work, and serendipitous too--Jeff.
I had been debating whether to ask you about a Cancer man I'm sort of close with but then again...not.
I have known many a Cancer, I love them usually.
I do dislike the moody crabby way they get when something sand is in their shell, and I don't know it, and they won't say.
I was actually married to a Cancer and he would usually talk to me.We wewre freinds for years before it turned serious,and we are still close friends today.
But I've found that most Cancers *won't* discuss the argument, and definitely not their real feelings about it all.
It goes against my grain, LOL, but I agree with those that said leave the Cancer person alone,be kind, and gentle, and allow him to come on back as he can.
Mot of the Cancer men I've known had very difficult relationships with their mums and wanted to get away as soon as possible.
Their mothers were controlling, and smothering, but needy.
So, any whining, and tears on my part did *not* work!
OK, let's keep tlaking about Cancers.I hate when they freeze me out.Phooey.
Cancers are so nurturing, but angry--like the Ice Queen, LOL
Help please with a Cancer man. He keeps promising things but then backs out. Is this behavior typical for Cancer men? I am Aries we get along great with this exception.
Cancer likes to pussyfoot around a situation, test the water with the big toe then back up a little, then circle back around and approach from another angle. It's part of the crab scuttle, which I always thought Cancer was more like a cautious kittycat . . .
especially since they purr so nicely on your lap when they are content.
So how do I handle this behavior Broken promises with Cancer do I just ignore it and give lots of attention?
depends if the lake is frozen over or not
of course you could always bring along a pick axe and chop your way through, but the water will be mighty cold
the best way to handle a frozen lake is to wait until springtime when it thaw on its own
in the meantime find a Leo to light up your life
or a hit and run Sagi to bring on the Magi (it's the most wonderful time of the year!)
thaaaawwwwssssss . . .
love all, trust few
learn to paddle your own canoe
and don't try it on a frozen lake
Ok I saw my cancer man twice in Dec and when I saw him he wanted to talk but both times I ignored him and deleted his email account.
Now I have not seen him since 12-18 so I think I need to give him space. I was upset because of his broken promises.
Now I really miss him but I wont chase him HELP Please with my Cancer guy what do I do?
Char
I forgot to add I am a Aries I am now learing about my sign from you all. Thanks..
Char
I need your advice. I am a Scorpio girl and I met a Cancer boy... A common friend said he would be a good point of reference contact for me.
He was a really nice guy. In fact we had so much in common, hobbies, perspective on life, love of the ocean (hahaha).
I often have male friends and keep them simply that...male friends.
i am married, but will probably change soon....thought he knew...but he did not until the 4th day or 5th...anyway...we still spent lots of time together. He included me in so many parts of his everyday life, friends, family, hobbies, social occasions...etc...he was ALWAYS the perfect gentlemen....
It did occur to me that this guy was the person that I always believed never existed.
My own life was still (and for a long time) has been in limbo. I need to clean up everything in that area but it is easier said than done.
I do not think that relationships end because of someone else...they end because they end....
Anyway, I valued him as a person so much that I wanted to at the minimum keep his friendship.
Since we never had a physical relationship I thought it would be easier to do.
Problem is that he will no longer talk to me or respond to any of my emails. Absolutely no response.
How does a person (Cancer male) go from bringing a new friend into so many aspects of his life dear to him - family, childhood friends, home etc....simply just cut off all ties??? We both acknowledged that we thought each other was special. He truly is a very special person....except...
It has been 7 months since I last heard anything at all from him.
It is like we broke up without having ever gone out!
How will he talk to me again?
I feel for you got this Cancer guy too that has not talked to me in a month, I think that if they perceive any type of rejection so very slight forget it they go hiding in a shell and stay away from the person that whatever was done.
My cancer I just get so frustrated with I am Aries. So stay tuned here we might get some good answers
as to what makes them tick!
Thanks! I definitely do not know how to approach this...I think my Scorpio overbearing and direct approach has gotten me nowhere with this Cancer boy....
The only problem is that we have a few friends, well, they are more his friends in common and two of them are no longer speaking to me either (and they are the ones that introduced us)...
wat do i do if a cancer man broke up with me because i have been throwing temper tantrums too much (not purposely of course) the past month and hes sick of it? and i know cancers are insecure but is there anyway to make them feel secure about a long distance relationship?
Not to be rude, honey, but it sounds like your Cancer guy may have made a decision based on good common sense that has nothing to do with insecurity.
You don't present your situation in a way that arouses sympathy.
You might consider resubmitting your question with greater clarity, more details, and certainly, a great deal more insight into both parties.
Good luck.
heyyy...just broke up with my cancer bf ....he just randomly dropped me one day cz we had a little argument ...he does this all the time but is it really over? and should i chase him? im soo confusedd please help
:)
I am a cancer woman who "was" dating a cancer man. Suddenly I am getting a taste of my own medicine. I'm also feeling like a jerk because of what I put my friends and family through on a regular basis. Who knew what it felt like to be on the other side of a random mood swing, drama queen behavior, self-centeredness and martrydom. I say I was dating him because we are now at a standoff and continuing under the rouse that it is possible to be platonic. I'm not giving in this time because I always do he is feeling pressured because I wanted a commitment and instead of giving me a direct answer he told me a bunch of riddles. Anyone who knows a cancer understands we don't like things up in the air I need a yes or no for my sense of security. So I started dating a sag (hoping he will be a fun fling he tells me he wants to be in a relationship but I am skeptical because of my preconceived notions aboout sags)and because of the fun I have with him it's easier for me to give my cancer the space he needs and honestly I don't mind because it is hard dating a cancer next time I will run.
ok, I'm the one who was married, separated, tried again and have finally set a deadline for myself...it was not so easy to just walk up and leave another relationship but I am trying to do this in the best way possibly...
anwyay... i had this new best friend (the Cancer guy), who stopped talking to me after basically making me a part of his whole world - friends, family, hobbies, sports, etc - nothing physical ever happened, but he truly is one of the most special people I have ever met (except at the moment he really irritates me)....so it's been about 9 months since I last actually spoke to him (he just abruptly stopped answering my emails, phone calls etc...no explanation..)...i thought that he would be ready to speak to me again, but still absolutely nothing.
I sent a general valentine's day card to a few friends (him included)...i saw that he opened it..no response.
Is he still mad at me for something that he never actually told me upset him (I am learning that this is a Cancer trait...the shutting up like a crab)? How should I approach this?
Even if we never become a couple (but honestly, when I am emotionally truly ready to start again, I could not imagine a more perfect person for me than him), I really could just be his friend because we have so much in common and he showed me so much of himself through what he loves to do and by being around his childhood friends and his family.... (except this part which just all of a sudden just cut me out and makes me really mad right now!) or could give it a try if he would actually talk to me!
What does the little Crab really want from this Scorpio girl (me!)?!
If you open up (a Cancer) your life completely to someone then just immediately cut them out without any reason or words? What is going on?
Maybe you should consider that in this case his behavior may have nothing to do with being a Cancer. That is, his tendency to withdraw may be Cancerian, but the reason he's withdrawn may have zero to do with his sign, your sign, or anything related to your charts.
How about this? To solve the mystery, why not ask him? You already sent him a V-Day card, so you broke the silence and were the first to contact him, putting your pride on the line. At this point, you have nothing left to lose. Why not just email or call, tell him how much you valued his friendship, admit that you miss him, and ask him what happened that caused him to cut you out of his life. If he doesn't respond, that's extremely immature, rude behavior, and you might want to give him up as a lost cause.
I wouldnt send an email after him not reacting to a V-day card... he will not answear the email, i am sure...
I would call him directly with just: would you like to go for a drink? or text him
i think its more direct and light
To the two Anons....thank you for your advice. It is appreciated...
Anon 1: But the inclusion with his family was really the big thing (and that his family did not know I was married) and he just brought me everywhere and I was so comfortable just staying with his father, brothers,etc...even if he was elsewhere, he just wanted me to be there...and all invitations from others to us...was always, "we cannot make it, or we will be there".
maybe we should not have done those things, given the circumstances, but since we never even kissed, it seemed ok.
anyway...so know that I spend alot of time in the city where his younger brother lives, he knows indirectly about all my friends and ongoings there..so when I go back to his city, the question will be how to handle it?
Sometimes I am so mad, part of me just feels like...too bad, he blew it...he just disappeared and it is his loss....but then I know that I still would really like to know WHY...., as a lover, it is understandable, but since we never even kissed (but yes, I truly believe in my heart I was given an amazing gift in my time with him) as a friend...that is why til this day I do not understand and do not know if I should still even try. much time has passed and i thought that he would be talking to me by now.
Anon 2: I do not know if I can call him...part of me feels like I have tried so much over the past 11 months (but I have to admit that on the few occasions last year when some of his acquaintances saw me with other guy friends, they were like, "where is he? why are you with him?" etc...type of thing...but anyway...I called him and left messages a few months ago, but with the no response to my albeit general valentine's day card..i almost feel like calling is like i am begging him to talk to me ( which I think i have already done?)....
That is what I do not get...how can you just cut someone out??
But now, I do think I will be going back to his city in about two weeks..and I have no idea how to handle this.
It is almost like, "no matter how things have been, should he not have known, deep in his heart, that i meant what i said - that he was a very special person"...it is just that at that point last year...i was not in any position to do anything or even "go there"...but should our special friendship not have meant something to him??!!! especially since he made me such a part of his entire life?
:( very sad
p.s. to Anon 2...after re-reading your post...I have to ask you, where do you live? what city?
do you know what my favorite horse at his stables is named?
because somehow ironically enough, they way that you worded/wrote your answer sounded like something that he would say.
I was dating a cancer man and i have to say my overbearing taurus personality has finally pushed him away from me. I am so distraught as we were perfect together. I pused him away so many times yet despite his extremely typical canerian traits, he came back to me. But this was the last straw. I really dont know how to win him back...he says he has given up trying to prove to me that i mean a lot to him (he never says such thing...does not say n i need to hear) and that there's no chance that he'll try again. M absolutely devastated. I dont know if that is final or if he'll be back once he starts missing me.
I dated a Cancerian man for 10 years and broke up with him 4 years ago, because he didn't marry me. He talked about marriage with me but never proposed to me. I had a baby one year after out break up and he told my family member that if I would of had his child he would of maaried me. So now we have both moved on with our lives I have a family and he has a family of his own "he even got married. He wants to see me now after all these years that have passed us by. My question is why does he want to see me, after all I am not the one he choose to marry?
I think the worst part of them being angry, is this 'chilliness'. My boyfriend has a cancer moon, and I have a scorpio moon. Not matter what happens with the rest of our signs, This has been our strongest connection, and has kept us together through almost everything. I dont know how it feels to be on the brunt end of my 'angry' moments, or how I shut people out...but his reactions can wound me more than anyone, because he'll let you into everything about his life, be so long together...and then when you've wounded him its like he cant tell the difference between you and the milk man. Its pretty hardcore when you feel this. Which usually insets some big emotions on my part, because of my libra sun I just really want to work it all out with words, but he doesnt want to talk about it. Especially his feelings...but when you open up, and admit your wrongs, throw in a couple weeping moments about your childhood and all the things you've endured, and especially something about you 'needing' him...its sometimes able to break the shell. But if he doesnt really love you, it probably wont break the frozen lake.
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