When astrology is used for reassurance
You meet someone nice, and make it past the third date. As much as you want to stay in the present, your mind tries to exert an illusion of control over the future. You want to know if this relationship will work. Is it worth investing your time and energy?
During bedtime conversation, you mention -- "I know, it's silly" -- that you follow astrology, and wonder what's his birthday. He tells you, but with a little smirk, as if he's just giving you his vital stats to please you, but he thinks horoscopes are bunk. Then, as you trace your fingers along his chest, you ask the exact time of his birth. "How should I know?" he replies, pulling back. Maybe your Mom has your birth certificate? you ask, putting on your best doe eyes. "Sure, I'll ask," he says, "but I'm only doing this for you." You show him your appreciation.
OK, enough astroporn.
Once you've got the goods, you consult an astrologer or run a compatibility report or look up how well you two match in your astrology cookbooks. But regardless of how many points you as a couple score, you just want to know whether he's gonna stick around, not whether his Saturn conjunct your Mercury will inhibit your words or spur you on to hone your intellect.
That's the problem with using astrology for reassurance. You can have the best interaspects (angles between planets in your respective charts) in the world, but that doesn't mean the relationship will work out. Nor does a handful of stressful interaspects mean you can't spend the rest of your life together.
Astrology indicates the patterns in your relationship, the meaning of the challenges and opportunities presented to you in the presence of this other person. To look at compatibility otherwise is a useless endeavor.
First, anybody can die at any time. You may meet someone whose Moon conjuncts your Sun, whose Sun conjuncts your Moon, who has sexy Venus-Mars interaspects with you. And they can get hit by a truck tomorrow. It's just a fact of life.
Two -- and this is a New Age nugget that I happen to believe is true -- people come into our lives for a reason, and they leave (or we leave) when the relationship no longer serves our growth. Sometimes you need a kick in the pants, and your current lover's planets drive you to get up off your butt. Other times, you need intellectual rapport more than fun in the sack.
We often approach compatibility with a fantasy of permanence -- that this man or woman will suit you for the rest of your life -- but there really is no such thing. And frankly, having a life-long partner isn't for everyone.
So when you run your compatibility report, approach it this way: What lessons can you learn from being in a relationship with this person? Where will things coast, and where will there be struggles? And however long the relationship lasts -- whether two weeks or twenty years -- appreciate what you have, no matter how long you have it.
During bedtime conversation, you mention -- "I know, it's silly" -- that you follow astrology, and wonder what's his birthday. He tells you, but with a little smirk, as if he's just giving you his vital stats to please you, but he thinks horoscopes are bunk. Then, as you trace your fingers along his chest, you ask the exact time of his birth. "How should I know?" he replies, pulling back. Maybe your Mom has your birth certificate? you ask, putting on your best doe eyes. "Sure, I'll ask," he says, "but I'm only doing this for you." You show him your appreciation.
OK, enough astroporn.
Once you've got the goods, you consult an astrologer or run a compatibility report or look up how well you two match in your astrology cookbooks. But regardless of how many points you as a couple score, you just want to know whether he's gonna stick around, not whether his Saturn conjunct your Mercury will inhibit your words or spur you on to hone your intellect.
That's the problem with using astrology for reassurance. You can have the best interaspects (angles between planets in your respective charts) in the world, but that doesn't mean the relationship will work out. Nor does a handful of stressful interaspects mean you can't spend the rest of your life together.
Astrology indicates the patterns in your relationship, the meaning of the challenges and opportunities presented to you in the presence of this other person. To look at compatibility otherwise is a useless endeavor.
First, anybody can die at any time. You may meet someone whose Moon conjuncts your Sun, whose Sun conjuncts your Moon, who has sexy Venus-Mars interaspects with you. And they can get hit by a truck tomorrow. It's just a fact of life.
Two -- and this is a New Age nugget that I happen to believe is true -- people come into our lives for a reason, and they leave (or we leave) when the relationship no longer serves our growth. Sometimes you need a kick in the pants, and your current lover's planets drive you to get up off your butt. Other times, you need intellectual rapport more than fun in the sack.
We often approach compatibility with a fantasy of permanence -- that this man or woman will suit you for the rest of your life -- but there really is no such thing. And frankly, having a life-long partner isn't for everyone.
So when you run your compatibility report, approach it this way: What lessons can you learn from being in a relationship with this person? Where will things coast, and where will there be struggles? And however long the relationship lasts -- whether two weeks or twenty years -- appreciate what you have, no matter how long you have it.
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 6/18/2007
8 Comments:
Had I done our compatibility chart 19 years ago, I would not have married my husband. We've been married 16 years. Our chart is not the easiest one.
But 16 years and two kids later, we've done fairly well. We go through our trials and tribulations like everyone else. Sometimes we handle them with grace, other times its war.
We both have our negative and positive traits. Previously,when wounded, he wants to give up and run to his mommy. I want to take the kids and run. :-) We have come a long way. Its not easier, its different. Always changing... as it should be.
Scorp--I'm not so different than you!:-)
I'm with my husband 27 yrs , however--we separated twice and in between those times we made each other miserable.
We kept trying --he in his stubborn Taurian way, myself in my fits and starts.
Eventually we agreed to see a therapist for counseling together.
Mind you, I had pushed for this for years.
But when the time came, I broke down in fearful tears to think of what we'd face.
Short ending is-- we are so much more happy now.
Now,even in very stressful times we've managed to talk things out satifactorily.
I was drawn to your post, because we might not have tried 27 yrs ago, if we'd known what we were doing either, LOL.
Nonetheless that no longer matters.I'm glad we're still together.
We're *not* the perfect couple--but as you say--what couple is? :-)
Jeffrey..I have a comment on this.
(maybe a question too).
I believe I understand what you are saying very well.
I remember checking my chart wiht lots of lover's charts to see what was going on there.
Of course, I wanted to know we were somehow meant to be {married, lovers, best friends,soulmates, and so on}
I liked best when someone or other was very drawn to me for karmic or other wise spiritual reasons, LOL.
What I want to comment on though, is that when I have noticed meaningful or clear "love" aspects (moon conjunct sun, venus oppose or conjunct Mars, Venus conjunct Moon) there usually *is* love present .
However, the other points/aspects matter too.
If a man's Moon was conjunct my Venus, but, his Mars *squared* my Moon too--what do you think happned later , after some months of sweet love??
So, while I agree--we never know when someone, compatible or not, will get killed by a semi-rig hitting him....I still thought the various aspects in synastry do tell us somehting important..
For instance, might not the killer semi-rig have to do(hypothetically) with a difficult Mars/Uranus tie in his chart?
And maybe a Uranus tie between he and I in my 5th HSE as well?
Know what i mean?
Or no?
I do agree most of us look at a chart of a new love in our lives hoping to see 'something wonderful',and usually don't want to see the difficult parts--that are always there anyway.
I have found a lot of similar natal aspects and interaspects in my lovers' charts and I think it is interesting to track that, as it were, bc that way I can figure out some of my issues. Obviously, I seem to attract men with the same natal issues or psychology so what does that say about me? In a lot of the composite charts with my exes, I've found Moon or Venus square Neptune which definitely checks with the end result of being sorely disillusioned about the nature of the relationship. And most of these charts also had lovely Venusian aspects, too, though. Also, I have found that I attract men with Moon/Pluto natal aspects or with Venus/Neptune aspects as well OR (and this is somewhat odd, imo) Saturn in the 2nd and Saturn/Venus aspects. I also tend to attract Virgo/Scorpio combos. Obviously, all of this reflects a lot of my own issues. I have a Moon/Pluto opposition, a Venus/Neptune inconjunct, Saturn in the 2nd and Pluto in Virgo. The only thing I don't have is a Saturn/Venus contact, thank God!! My poor little Venus is afflicted enough as it is although Saturn does rule my 7th house so... maybe it's just as bad.
Proserpine, One of my former teacher's Sun is exactly conjunct my Moon. We had a very good connection (on a teacher-student level) for a few years, then he began annoy the frick out of me. Yet we still have that Sun-Moon conjunction.
A woman I used to work with has her Sun in Aquarius and Moon in Pisces. We got along very well (I'm a Pisces with Aquarius Moon), I felt a connection, but I'm already taken, and she moved to a different state.
What am I saying? So what if there's good synastry. That doesn't mean anything's gonna happen. Or if it does happen, who knows how long. Maybe the Mars-Uranus opposition in a lover's chart is hit by solar arc progressed whatever while an eclipse hits the same point. OK, so we know that there is an astrological correspondence with the semi-rig accident. But he's still dead.
Can you look at someone's chart and tell if they're going to fall madly in love with you? There's so much context in life. The same conjunction between two charts can mean so many things -- yes, all these interpretations will "fit" with the planets, but ROMANTIC LOVE is just one of many expressions.
Are we on the same page?
Hi Jeff:
Very nice post. I took me down memory lane when I used to consult Linda Goodman's Love Signs book before an important date to check if we were compatible and/or had any possible future together. That was well before the internet and instant compatibility reports. You reserved the consultation with an astrologer for a serious boyfriend!
I totally agree with your comments as I used astrology for reassurance and the illusion of permanence. But it also helped me work through my own emotional issues - T-square between Moon in Libra, Venus in Aries and Saturn in Capricorn -
From my experience, compatibility does not always help. The most difficult relationships were the ones who had the most number of good interaspect. On the other hand, the present one is the most solid of all my relationships, although our moons and venuses do not form any major aspect. It has been a tremendous growth opportunity for both of us.
Jeff, oh definitely--I think we are.
I understand.
I did not mean differently
I eman tthat I don't look for reassurance (well really I don't look for anything anymore), but I did and occasionally still do look to see what is *there*--to tell me about what I'm sense and what it is actually about.
Yes of course I understand about the woman friend with Sun in Aquarius and moon in Pisces --you are still taken, and she moved anyway--yes, I get it.
However, what you felt--the connection--was there, for a reason.
That's all I meant.
Of course it doesn't mean the synastry that looks interesting or promising means the relationship lasts forever--no.LOL
The teracher you had worked well for awhile--that is what mattered while it mattered.
We may be on the same type of page in a different, but similar, book Jeff.LOL
:-) I didn't just look at Linda Goodman's book back then, I looked at my ephemeris.
I've only been online since 2000.
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