Chart Analysis: Why can't I attract a long-term partner?
HZ provided a birth time (click on chart to view) and writes,am I too weird to find a partner? i am female and straight but i can't seem to attract a long term partner like i used to! after one date (or one night in the sack!) they then "dump me" and it is really wrecking me! I'm not overly ugly by any means and i try not to behave like a stalker! what is the deal?The Sun in a woman's chart signifies important men in her life. In your case, it also represents potential partners, as the Sun rules your Leo Descendant, or Seventh House cusp. Leo's fiery nature compensates for your more detached Aquarius Ascendant. However, your Sun is conjunct Neptune, the planet of dissolution. Men can disappear (Neptune). Neptune shows where we yearn to transcend boundaries, and in close aspect to the planet of identity, its presence may make it difficult for you to be clear where you begin and your date ends. (Double meaning not planned, but probably apt!)
also ,the men i HAVE had long term relationships with have tended to be earth or water signs but i am finding i am more attracted to fire and air signs now that i'm older!
You may give of yourself too easily, and with unpredictable Uranus in hard aspect to both of your love planets (Venus and Mars), you may give of yourself too quickly. This is an impetuous, reckless combination in matters of love and sex. You are likely to act before thinking through the consequences.
Combined with the capacity for delusion and fantasy associated with your Sun-Neptune conjunction, you may be confused about a man's signals, and jump into bed before having a more grounded sense of where things are going. Being a Sag Sun and Moon with Jupiter Rising in Aquarius, your adventurous, trusting spirit inspires you to take risks, but your lack of earth makes the reality principle hard to grasp.
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 5/01/2007
11 Comments:
WOW.
Scorp, WOW can mean "I'm amazed," or "Boy, that was harsh," and probably something else. Can you please be more specific?
Im amazed. Not harsh at all, just very interesting and I am amazed everytime I see a chart and what is in it besides my basic knowledge of astrology.
Today I think I was wowed by the fact I have a friend with a similar chart.
As soon as I finished reading this woman's question, I knew she was giving it up too soon....
That's a given without even having looked at her chart, yet.
Interesting how her sun conj. neptune could be the reason for this. She might be fantasizing about a relationship and putting too much importance on it early, which would scare any typical fire or air sign away. :)
Jeffrey, what would you say about someone who's asc. is conj. neptune in Sagittarius? I always read stuff about "my ego dissolving" (similar to what you said about this woman). What does that MEAN in layman's terms?
I was wondering too, if her Chiron in what looks like the 2nd house is part of it too?(maybe I was reading it wrong?)
It might indicate wounding in her values, her opinion of herself.
Usually, my self-esteem had everything to do with what goes wrong in relationships.
Good point, prosperp. In addition, Chiron squares her Venus, further wounding how she embodies her femininity. When HZ writes she is not overly ugly, I wonder to what extent she feels bad about her looks.
thanks for the comments Jeffrey! it is HZ here and yes, i definitely DO "give it up too soon" , i am insanely impulsive when it comes to anything romantic. i guess the problem is that i know that i do this and every time i get burnt by my own silliness, i steel myself to be strong the next time i like someone and it all goes out the window! hahaha! i wish i could figure out how to control it! i am absolutely terrible at playing the "hard to get" game and everyone keeps telling me i must learn it! i basically either like someone or i don't, i have not yet ever experienced any confusion in that regard? maybe the fire stuff in my chart makes me too "aggressive and masculine" in this way? as for my self esteem, yes, it is very low in a general sense and i know i have had to work on that my whole life, however, being aware of it has helped me also to not dump that negativity on others, eg. i never sit around moaning to others that i am "ugly" or "fat" or whatever (i sometimes feel it but i really don't think i'm hideous most days!) and i find it actually repulsive when others around me complain about their own perceived faults/flaws. i am wondering though about the general trend i mentioned at the end: i seem to have had the most lasting relationships with water and earth signs but now that i'm a single mum of 33(an aquarian bub, dad was a capricorn w/sag rising, gem moon- and we get along fine even now!), i seem to have had a whole bunch of dates/flings, etc. with ALOT of double geminis, a leo, and most recently an aries. am i punishing myself? hehe, sorry i go on but hey, you would know this by looking at my chart! my scorpio brother says i'm always over- analysing everything!
HZ, Let me put it back on you: What do you find attractive about these air and fire sign men?
HZ here: hey jeffrey. well, i have been thinking about that of course and i think because you have the ability for human as well as astrological analysis, i am now coming up with some answers even as i write (meaning really trying to be truthful with myself). with my interest and building knowledge of astrology growing, i am beginning to suspect that i am indeed fantasizing/wondering who i would be most compatible with as i learn more about my own chart! with the past 'long term' relationships, i have always acted as myself i suppose, without any major knowledge of all things astrological, now it is almost like i "know too much" and i am frightened i might be getting jaded! i think i almost deliberately sought out air and fire types in my last year of encounters because it would seem logical that they would better match me! (i'm doing the equivalent i guess of giving counselling/therapy after doing psychology 101).
i almost feel presently like i know too much about astrology in one sense, because i see now all the differences/similarities in the signs, charts people have. i have also 'played with it' for lack of a better term meaning i have read and re- read so much on different signs, etc. that i have then tried to see if it 'works' when you apply the knowledge. in other areas of my life, it HAS! i now have a fairly good relationship with my mum as an example (taurus sun, moon, mercury, and venus) and we used to actually get physically violent with each other from anger and frustration! i accept and try to really understand her 'taurean' nature now and it has done wonders for us. i have also in general, worked hard to 'fix' things in my life that could be fixed, eg. i was overweight so i worked hard to fix that and i have, i hated my job(in the disability field-that i even have a university degree in also) so i went back to school and am almost done studying medical reception and am looking forward to embarking on a totally different job. i also was even fed up with my usual passion for theatre (i have loved being on stage since i was little and now i just don't get any joy from it at all) so i thought and thought, and i now will be embarking on getting my private pilot's license in july! too numerous to mention, other areas in life i have also tweaked here and there because i decided to just fix the issues instead of feeling helpless and down. so i guess therein lies my problem, with realationships, it seems there is nothing you can do to really influence someone else liking you or not for example, and i know this but i am simply lonely! i am assuming i have been 'going' for fire and air signs thinking i might have more to offer them? even hearing myself express all this is making me cringe, it's like i can see the inherent flaws/inconsistencies in my words and behaviours, but i just can't seem to figure out a way to actually do anything about it! i guess what i'm searching for in a sense is - i can see the 'conflicts'now that are in my chart from what more experienced astrologers such as yourself have noticed/commented on, but i can't find out what the strengths are! not strengths in general, more a sense of what tools/strengths do i have in my chart to maybe help me with the problems/weaknesses? i don't know, maybe i am simply falling back into that watery neptune thinking mode and begging the universe for even a piece of driftwood to at least attempt a try at not drowning! hehe!
HZ, Sometimes you just have to drop the astrology and go with your attractions. Intellectualizing this stuff can sometimes work against one's happiness.
With regards to your chart, going further into it is "beyond the scope of this blog," meaning that if I spend more time on it I will feel that I'm doing a consultation, which is how I like to earn my living. So other readers are welcome to chime in ... and you can always give me a ring if you want to explore these issues in greater depth.
Jeff
Hey, HZ, you don't have to play hard to get. People always say that and it is a ridiculous thing to say for some of us. Some of us don't play.
However, you can take your time getting to know someone. That's not playing games, ya know? You may like someone after only a few meetings but you have to remember that you're only seeing the surface. For instance, you might like a house by seeing pictures over the internet but if you were to buy it, it would be a lot wiser to visit the location, do some research on the area, actually look inside the house and get a licensed appraiser. If you're gonna plunk down your hard-earned cash, you're going to take it slowly and do your homework, am I right? So, why are you being so carefree with your heart and your body? Aren't they more precious than money?
I say this as someone who has rushed into relationships way too soon and then I get locked down. My problem has been that I sleep with a guy and all of a sudden I'm his girlfriend. That might seem like an improvement on your situation but it's not!! Bc later the guy turns out to be a jerk.
So, doll, take your time getting to know a guy. You don't have to play games but you can do research until you're ready to close the deal, so to speak. KWIM?
And definitely consult Jeffrey for the astrology. He's tops.
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