How Scorpios get over breakups
You know that deep, dark hole you dig after you've been dumped? Where you stew in the juices of your resentment and despair for months and months? Well, the first hole of despondency was dug by a Scorpio.In a relationship, Scorpio explores every nook and cranny of the intimate space shared by two people -- sometimes even looking into recesses for which her partner has not granted her access.
As a result, Scorpio knows her partner really well, and if she's gotten to the point where she trusts him, Scorpio is not willing to let him go. So when the day comes that she gets dumped, Scorpio goes into one of two modes. She withdraws into her own private hell, or she gets even.
You know that saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?" That surely must be about a Scorpio. Because she has all the dirt on her ex, she is willing to bring it to the light of day, or at least manipulate him into staying so that she will keep his secrets safe.
And Scorpio's private hell ... she can live there a while, commingling with her demons, brooding over past wrongs. However, Scorpio is the sign of transformation -- after she has burned through her resentments, she will be a new person. She may tread lightly the next time a man shows interest in her, but she will bring a deeper insight into her own process. This latter option is preferable; revenge may be sweet, but it leaves a bitter aftertaste.
Comment below: How have our Scorpio readers coped with past breakups?
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 2/08/2007
15 Comments:
Fortunately for all I have sag rising and aquarius moon, I simply move on. Ok Ok.. maybe a few cutting remarks on my way out as they were watching my cute butt leave. But once my butt hit the door, that is it. Im done.
Yeh, totally true once you trust the man and let him into the personal you(which you havnt done easily cos of the intesnity in your persona) and he hurts you, you wanna sting back!If you can't do this cos you realise it will hurt you more, deifnatly go into a personal hell! Scorpio is so intense but she learns and totally true bout treding lightly next time
It hurts the scorpio soooo much when she lets her guard down and is hurt! I know from persoanl experience! Scorpio has to realiose though by holdign her toung wil only make her their stronger person!
I have sag rising with a Leo moon, he broke my heart, so I fucked his best friend. Ha!
Holding tongue does make a stronger Scorpio...but I've found there's a limit to this ;)
I was recently seeing a Cancer girl; I said some things impulsively which upset her and she put her guard up, refused to talk to me. This would usually annoy me but this time around I remained patient and took time to try and see from her point of view as well. I put my feelings aside, realised I'd been an ass, went out on a limb to apologise and explain my actions...still nothing, even frostier reception. STILL I persevered and held out a little longer to see if she'd forgive me but today I woke up and realised I'd had enough. She's now on the recieving end of a very long Scorpio detachment pole.
As very Scorpionic as this final reaction is, I'm not happy about the way things turned out and I'm very confused. I'm trying so hard to evolve and learn as a person by putting my feelings aside, or at least trying to use them constructively to feel for others and not just myself. Yes, I have passionate moods which can upset people but are they so intense that people can't even accept my heartfelt apology? Especially Cancer...either the guard or compassion and I got the guard. I don't understand her reaction at all.
Anonymous Scorpio,
You apologized and explained your actions. Assuming that your apology was heartfelt -- and it sounds like it was -- you did all you can do. Perhaps whatever you said impulsively hurt this Cancer girl so much that no apology would suffice; maybe she no longer feels safe with you. On the other hand, she may just have a difficult time letting things go. Her planetary ruler, the Moon, may be in a fixed sign, for example ... contributing a sutbborn streak familar to Scorpios. Regardless of whether this relationship works out, you've done work on your end that will benefit your relationships in the future.
What that means I believe in the case of a cancer is that she probably already had problems with the relationship in the first place. It's not that problem that you need to work out it's the overall problem. Me as a Scorpio, especially after my last break up, I would just forget about it even though it's hard to do. You did all you could if she doesn't chill out after about 1 week then she never really loved/liked you enough to try to make it work. Then again, thinking,give it 2 weeks.
Joshua, that's a good assessment of why the Cancer just moved on without forgiving the Scorpio anonymous. She could've been holding in her feelings about something for a long time and this was the final straw. So he's thinking it's this one time he messed up, when it could be the end of a long list to the Cancer girl. And I'm wondering how he apologized. A bad apology could make things even worse!
Example of a bad apology:
"I'm sorry, but..." or any variation of that opener is a bad move. An apology with any explanations or qualifiers tacked on will get the apologizer nowhere fast. An even worse one is "I'm sorry, but you..." If anyone uses this one, he should just hang himself right now. It would be quicker.
A simple "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings" should get more than a foot back in the door. :)
I agree with Jara. I could see a Scorpio doling out stinging barbs right and left and the Cancerian not saying anything and then he said the ONE thing that she wouldn't accept.
Here's the thing about barbs and I tell you from experience: You can really say one thing that can destroy someone in 30 seconds. Or the one thing that can make someone stop loving you. Words are powerful. Just bc someone has had enough doesn't mean that person didn't love you truly. Only our mothers can love us unconditionally.
I'm not saying that's what happened between Scorpio Anonymous and his Cancer girl bc I wasn't there and Cancerians can also be too thin-skinned and resentful. But it's a good lesson for all of us, especially those of us with Scorpionic tendencies.
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I agree with JOshua my boyfriend is a Scorpio and I am a Cancer and he has not done anything wrong lately but he has in the past and I usually keep it to myself. When he did something wrong this weekend I let him have it and he was really confused so I have decided to try and let it go and understand that he needs to be very social especially with his good friends. The problem that I have trouble dealing with is the fact that he has trouble telling me whats on his mind and I myself don't like knowing there is a wall being put up, and I would prefer if he let his guard down. Tonight he said he would tell me what he thought and give me some feedback but it was like pulling teeth out for sure and I do not want to feel like i should
I am a cancer woman who dated a scorpian man...great combination in every way with deep love and great understanding. However, he is an alcoholic and exhibits the Dr. Jeckel Mr. Heid syndrom. Soder he was with me and drunk he was in his past with his other life. Cancers are not as thin skinned as one might think.It became so unbearable. Scopios and others who have a devasting divorce or split ups should seek therpy...which will help releave the pain of the past..only then can one enjoy the present and the future. Scopios are so deep..perhaps that is why they hurt so much..but there is help..if they choose to get it and go on to a healthy relationship.
Anonymous Cancer
In regards to the Anonymous Scorpio – Cancer Woman scenario:
As a Cancer myself, I might just mention I personally have a hard time accepting both compliments and apologies, however sincere (and secretly appreciated) they may be. This is mainly because words in either of those contexts strike very, VERY sensitive heartstrings and - even if the intention is good - the feeling of vulnerability is almost unbearable. With a compliment or an apology, gratitude rarely comes by itself. It’s usually teamed with a sense of indebtedness, guilt, weakness, or even a gush of painfully strong adoration .etc So instead of letting the guard down and accepting that someone is prepared to say or do something nice for you, doubling the armour and letting the words bounce off is just easier than dealing with the torrent of emotions they can cause. Especially during a sensitive situation, such as an argument.
When it comes to the apology in this particular situation, maybe something was said or done that created a deep, long-lasting sense of hurt to the crab, the kind that gets someone barred or even shut out for good from her good books. I’ll speak for myself, but when someone who's uninvited tries to make their way [back] into my affections after they’ve worn out their welcome, I can get incredibly hostile and/or cold.
Due to the extent of her hurt, perhaps the apology felt like an invasion instead of a remedy, which is silly, but, there you have it.
I can’t speak for all crabs, but there’s a possibility as to why that Cancerian acted the way she did. It's her loss, I'm sure.
A Scorpio get dumped?
I've known a few Scorps and this one thing holds true in all cases, male or female-- they do the dirty work (the dumping). They are well ahead of the game and as master strategists will not place themselves in a position to get dumped.
If their spidey senses pick up on a waning interest, they pull out the knife and slash it then and there. Hurts like hell but you gotta do what you gotta do.
No one dumps a Scorp. They never have time and when the time comes, the Scorp is long gone. Try talking to thin air. Two Scorps together locks in stalemate, both strategizing how to out-dump the other and the dump gets locked in space.
Phantom baby, like a phantom (ooh)
I didn't want to burn them personally, nor even their memory because you always remember you liked this certain person, you have to totally kill off the FEELINGS (as you said attachment) you feel for them and not allow yourself to dwell on it, easier said than done, first you have to stop allowing yourself to dwell and wonder and focus on them, this was hardest part for me, I had to actively avoid them for a year minimum to even get any semblance of objectivity back.... this being said, for every ONE year I finally acknowledged & liked a person it took me 5 years (all process combined... ignoring, avoiding, stop thinking about, stop spying on, killing off feelnigs)to COMPLETELY singe the feeling of that out of myself (I did not trust ANY of them or have a relationship, but yes had my TRUST been broken after it was given - me being so mistrusting, I never gave it - I would definitely have actively wanted to harm them, but since I am aware of that side of me, I am very very careful of trusting and getting close to people in general)....now I view them in a "friendly way", not meaning I like them or dislike them, but that I am curious as to how they are doing, and I with them well, but I DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS with them, or even see or be near things that remind me of them (what I call triggers), this is not out of hostility or resentment honesty, it's more a matter of emotional self preservation..and if I finally do move on to someone else, I want to be completely and honestly in that relationship, not being invested in or feeling for another person, but I will always think back on them but more like a photograph captured in a frame, no feelings involved, once they are gone (and since it is so IMPOSSIBLE to rid yourself of them) they are COMPLETELY done, how long it takes to reach that closure depends person by person, it takes me very very long for even crushes
OH Jeez, Scorpio isn't all that bad says this Scorpio sun & moon!
I was with my ex for 14 years. We had 2 kids. One day he didn't come home from work. Forever.
He'd hooked up with a married friend of ours.
I was now single with 2 young children, no job, no real work skills - I helped the ex build his business. Stupid trusting Scorpio that I am never forced him to make things legal. We were never married. Therefore in the end, I got the kids and debt. He got the money. Literally. All assets were in his name. My credit was a mess. In the early years we were less than paycheck to paycheck. Whatever was in my name only didn't get paid.
After he left, I sat here in this chair for three months writing to him telling him why we should be together. During that process I figured out we didn't love each other. Ok, I'm a bit slow. I even felt like I was cheating on him when I started dating a few months later. I've had that feeling with other ex's since then. LOL I have that feeling with a guy I have a crush on right now!
Anyway, I've been a free, happy woman for the past 10 years.
I did not disown my ex. Yeah I wanted him to die at first but that was just because I thought it would be easier to handle death than rejection. Plus there was the life insurance thing. ;)
He his the father of my children and an active, important part of all our lives. Though, I suspect had we not had kids I simply would have forgot I ever knew him.
I don't love him. Never did. I would never EVER go back. But, I still care about him. He's got "issues". I've been "blessed" with the ability to see through the BS to the real person - I even feel compassion for some of them!
However, in the end, I did get my revenge -
Every time I talk to him I can hear his screaming toddlers in the background. My kids are nearly adults now. I'm free. He's not.
And my favorite (OK maybe I am a bit vindictive) - his daughter offered mommy a sticker for "not yelling at daddy today." :)
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