Is that an order?

Pisces is one of the more passive signs of the zodiac, and the Pisces man is more content to dream about his ideal woman than to actually pursue her. If the Pisces man of your dreams does make the first move, he'll

• play you a song on his guitar
• give you a mix tape
• take you out dancing
• invite you to his ashram for kirtan
• share his bong with you
• read you a poem by Rumi

But the Pisces man can be indirect. If you force him to define his feelings for you before he's ready, he could easily say, "Whoa! It was just a song. Don't, like, read so much into it. Want another hit?"

Comment below: How has a Pisces man made a move on you?

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Labels: astrology, pisces

• He picks the cat hair off your blouse.
• He balances your checkbook.
• He makes your spirulina-and-fruit-smoothie in the morning.
• He shows you the proper way to stretch your quads.
• He adopts you a puppy.
• He edits your term papers.
• He empties your bedpan.
• He cleans your apartment.

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Labels: astrology, virgo

Take the deepest and most superficial signs of the zodiac, and you've got a Scorpio-Gemini relationship. Perhaps I am disparaging the sign of the Twins -- however, you're redeemed by Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

Scorpio searches the depths of experience, rooting out the darkness lurking beneath the surface. Gemini is content flittering about, lightly touching all that piques his curiosity. Scorpio is ruled by powerful and intense Pluto, the planet attracted to taboos and the death-rebirth mysteries. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, the god who invented lying.

Actually, Mercury is also the psychopomp, who transports the souls of the dead to Pluto's (Hades') realm. The messenger of the gods has access to and from the underworld. But he doesn't stay there. He's like a truck driver to hell. Once he drops off his goods, he's outta there.

Gemini thinks, Scorpio feels. Gemini gossips, Scorpio guards secrets.

Do you need more reasons to break up?

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Labels: astrology, compatibility, gemini, scorpio

Capricorn men can be bossy. They are ruled by authoritative Saturn, the CEO of the zodiac.

The question you should ask yourself is what your Capricorn man wants. It sounds like you two totally disagree on a course of action, and one of you must yield to the other. Capricorns do not easily surrender, unfortunately.

Capricorn rules the mountain, and the Goat wants to be on top. He's worked long and hard to get there, so what incentive does he have to give up his status?

Saturn rules our insecurities that we strive to overcome. The feeling that deep inside he's not good enough -- that's the soft sticky interior underneath Capricorn's hard surface. If he gives in to you, he needs to maintain his self-confidence in the process, or else he'll feel less-than. Your Capricorn man will only give in if you can find a way for him to save face while he succumbs to you.

Libra's "win win" may not appeal to Capricorn, but he does want to be seen as a benevolent leader. As much as he likes his position, he realizes that his authority only lasts as long as his organization thrives. If the relationship's stock price increases as a result of his temporary relinquishment of power, then he may be willing to step down -- just this once.

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Labels: astrology, capricorn

The question implies that the querent was encroaching on the Taurus man's turf, and he responded in kind by digging in his heels. He probably felt threatened. You see, the Taurus man is not keen on change. He needs to feel secure, and if a woman tries to change the perimeter of his fence, he won't budge an inch.

If the Taurus man feels he is going to lose whatever provides him security, his fear-response will kick in. He needs to know you won't force him to move too fast. After all, he's worked hard to acquire his hard-earned plot of land, and he's not going to let go of it easily.

So you step back. Will you -- in having given him room to roam -- trigger in him a greater desire for you?

There are two things you must remember: Taurus does not like change, and Taurus loves comfort. The first part comes from being a fixed sign, the second comes from being ruled by Venus, goddess of sensual pleasure. His modus operandi is to seek and acquire that which is beautiful and feels good to his body. Yet he's not going to take many risks to do so. He will be slow, cautious and persistent ... but if he really wants it, he will get it, just in his own sweet time.

So you need to appeal to his desire for the finer things in life, without being too unconventional (Aquarian), intense (Scorpionic) or dramatic (Leonine). Be like the water in a stream, the smooth rocks on an incline, the moss blanketing a tree. He will come to you, dip his toes in the water or feel the contours of your surface, and nestle in your curves if it feels good and safe.

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Labels: astrology, taurus

This particular Googler must have been hurt many times. But I must ask: Why do you keep getting involved with Aquarius men in the first place?

Aquarius men can be cold and distant, yes. But you must take responsibility for this compulsion to repeat the same relationship dynamic over and over again. Maybe, Aquarius-hater, you've got something in your chart which draws you to Aquarius men who shut you out. Your Sun symbolizes the important men in your life -- including your father. If it was making a stressful angle to Uranus when you were born (from our perspective on Earth), then you could be replaying a scenario with men in which you were trying to get love from an emotionally detached father. So you keep falling for Aquarius men, unconsciously hoping that this time it will be different -- this time you will traverse the distance he creates, and get the affection you've longed for your entire life.

So hate Aquarius men all you want, but realize that until you conquer your inner battle with Uranus, the planet that aims for the heavens (only to neglect Earthlings), nothing will change.

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Labels: aquarius, astrology

Well, I wouldn't necessarily set them up on a blind date.

Aries acts on his impulses, without really thinking about, say, the correct spelling in a note or whether the coffee mugs are organized in the cabinet by color. Such sins are anathema to perfectionistic Virgo, who will feel compelled to reorganize the kitchen and type Aries' correspondence.

The Aries man, in turn, will feel irritated at having his independence squashed, being criticized for his spontaneity.

So, does he truly love Virgos? I don't think so.

Astrology Lesson:
Aries is a cardinal fire sign. Masculine, or yang.
Virgo is a mutable earth sign. Feminine, or yang.
These two signs have nothing in common.

For the Advanced Reader:
Maybe the Aries man has Mercury or Venus in Pisces, which at least would put him on a similar wavelength with Virgo. Both of these signs are mutable and feminine, or yin. Although there is a polarity between them, they both like to be of service.

Comment below: Have you been in an Aries-Virgo relationship? How'd it go?

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Labels: aries, astrology, compatibility, virgo

Ending a relationship with a Cancer is like giving up your baby for adoption.

But, really. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, which governs the mother-child bond, family, food, the home and emotions. Hence, your Cancer man can get pretty attached. It's likely there has been a form of dependency in your relationship. Maybe you want out because you feel smothered.

That's all legitimate. But you're not asking why, you're asking how.

"My dear Cancer, during the time we have spent together, you have felt like family to me. We've shared beautiful moments of warmth and coziness, and I just love your pumpkin pie. However, there are times when I feel like you want more from me than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship ... and I don't mean marriage. Sometimes I feel like you want me to be your mother, and that's just not a role that I want to play.

"I've brought this up before ... as much as I feel two people in a couple should be there for each other, I don't want to be taken care of, and I don't want to take care of you. And when I've confronted you about this unhealthy dynamic, you just get moody and withdraw.

"So I think it's best, Cancer, if we go our separate ways. You can keep the kitchenware."

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Labels: astrology, cancer

The challenge of going on a first date with an Aries is that he knows what he wants, and he wants it now. This is not a problem if your agenda matches his in both direction and speed. However, if you like to take things slow, you've got a problem in your hands.

Aries is ruled by Mars, the warrior planet. It is assertive, impulsive, direct. Aries, being the first sign of the zodiac, bursts forth, with little regard for its impact on others. In other words, the Aries man has a hard time understanding that there's a way other than his way.

Granted, a first date can be adventurous, risky, hot. (If you want it to get hotter, massage his scalp, and wear red!) But be prepared to navigate the age-old question, "So you gonna invite me up for a beer?"

The Aries man likes a challenge, but he hates having the door shut in his face. You don't want him to "ram" against it with his horns -- so if you're not ready for a wild ride tonight, propose a second date in the near future that will ignite his flame.

And if you're just not interested, be direct ... Aries does not pick up subtle signals.

Comment below: How was your first date with an Aries man?

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Labels: aries, astrology

It's not an act, honey. Your Aquarius man is very distant.

Aquarius is an air sign. This element is associated with the mind. Like his brothers Libra and Gemini, Aquarius is not very in touch with his feelings.

In addition, the Water Bearer is ruled by Uranus, a planet that is literally and figuratively not of this world. Your guy feels at home thinking about the sky (astrophysics, astrology), not mundane earthly matters like intimate relationships. In fact, he's just not that into ... intimacy (thought I had you there!). The collective, the group -- he does care about humanity, but he is concerned by virtue of his objective distance.

Aquarius is also an independent sign. He does not like to be fenced in. And since Aquarius is an unyielding fixed sign, your very act of pushing him to be emotionally present with you rings his alarm. In response, he becomes stubbornly closed off to you.

What to do? Give him some space ... he'll show up for you when he's had time to sort this out in that brilliant noggin of his.

Comment below: How have you dealt with a distant Aquarius man?

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I hate to break it to you guys, but unless you've got some juicy Mars-Mars connection, this relationship is likely to cause friction. Leo -- ruled by the Sun -- wants to shine in the spotlight, whereas modest, Mercury-ruled Virgo stays behind the scenes. One of you is prissy, and the other flamboyant.

Leo is the King (... or Queen), and Virgo is the humble servant. If Virgo is content to take care of all the pragmatic household matters so that Leo can revel in his self-importance, then this relationship could work out just fine. Also, Leo can add some much-needed fire to Virgo's routine, while Virgo can keep Leo grounded.

But beware ... put together a fault-finding Virgo and a prideful Leo, and you get a wounded Lion ... and Lions do not react kindly to criticism.

Comment below: Are you in a Leo-Virgo relationship? How's it working out?

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Labels: astrology, compatibility, leo, virgo

I'm not a big fan of the adjective Cancerian, but it is in the Free Dictionary. Can you be a Cancer but not Cancerian?

And how can you make a Cancerian man propose?

First of all, let me say right off the bat that you can't make anyone do anything. Cancer men have free will, even if their moods are at the whim of the Moon.

Secondly, why can't you just take the Crab by the pincers and propose to him? (On the other hand, Cancer respects tradition, and may not feel comfortable with such unorthodoxy!)

Now that I've put those matters aside, the only sure-fire way I know to make any man propose marriage is to threaten him with your imminent departure unless he forks over the ring. Hesitant men need to be cornered.

And anyways, what do you think is holding your Cancerian man back from getting down on his knee? Maybe you're not the kind of girl of which his mama would approve. Maybe he doesn't think you'd be a good mama yourself. Maybe he doesn't like your cooking.

These are important things to a Cancer man. Especially if he is Cancerian.

Comment below: If you have a Cancer husband, how did you get him to propose?

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Labels: astrology, cancer, marriage

The Libra man is ruled by relationship-oriented Venus. Libra is the sign of grace, refinement and aesthetic beauty. I imagine a Libra man would propose marriage in one of those scenarios that are portrayed in the movies -- as an air sign, Libra is big on the idea of romance and love: a fine restaurant, the right wine, a sparkling diamond. Venus likes things pretty, and she also likes to indulge. But unlike earthy Taurus -- the other sign ruled by Venus -- Libra doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Rugged Taurus might proposed on a cliff after a hike in the mountains, right at sunset. Libra is afraid the trek will scuff his shoes.

Are you married to a Libra man? If so, share in the comments section how he proposed to you.

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Man eating shark. Baby talking to Aquarius man. Baby-talking to Aquarius man.

I assume the querent is an adult who wants to coo over her boyfriend. Well, good luck. I cannot think of a sign less susceptible to baby-talk than Aquarius. Now, Cancer ... a Crab could get into that, since he wants to be mommied anyway. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and the Moon governs the mother-child interaction. But Aquarius is incompatible with Cancer in every way. Cancer is an emotional water sign, whereas Aquarius is a mental air sign. Aquarius is ruled by two planets: emotionally-detached Uranus and cold, hard Saturn. Other planets in his chart notwithstanding, I just don't see how an Aquarius can melt over "baby baby" and "my wittle water-beawah." He'll just look at you funny.

Air signs are just not that emotional, and Aquarius is probably the least. Venus-ruled Libra could probably get off on baby-talk because he's relationship-oriented, and virtually anything that can enhance your bond is fair game, as long as the game is fair. And Gemini ... well, Gemini is a little kid, anyway. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, and Mercury governs communication, so you can't go wrong there.

So "goo goo" over someone else, would you?

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The language of seduction intrigues me. To catch a man implies that he is some kind of animal fleeing his pursuer. A Sagittarian is one of the more likely members of the zodiac to run away. He is represented by a centaur -- half-man, half-horse. And so he's not so easy to catch!

Sagittarius is ruled by the planet Jupiter, which rules expansion and adventure. The Archer does not like to be held back -- he wants to explore, through travels to distant lands or studies of arcane philosophy texts. You may be able keep up with him by going along on ski trips or discussing world religions. However, it is not advisable to cage him in. If Sagittarius feels trapped, he'll bolt. He needs his freedom. To use a horse metaphor, he needs free rein.

I understand the thrill is in the chase, but I would advise you to gallop besides him, not to catch him. Because the moment you do, he's gone.

Labels: astrology, sagittarius

I know I've already skewed this blog towards Pisces on my second post. After all, there are eleven other signs in the zodiac, and surely not all women are interested in musicians and drug addicts. However, I'm guilty of being affiliated with this party, so obviously these queries interest me the most. But I promise I'll get to the other signs.

When I read this query, I wonder, "What could this Pisces man possibly have done to deserve such scorn? Is the querent a Scorpio?"

However, Google does not provide the Sun sign of the querent. Maybe it should. But regardless ...

How to get back at a Pisces man:

• Trash his guitar
• Hide his bourbon
• Flatten his meditation cushion
• Throw out his DVD collection
• Rip down the poster of his guru
• Hide his "works"

Now, don't take the above as an endorsement. I whole-heartedly advise you to work through your anger constructively. Revenge may hurt him, but it will hurt you more. Think of all the bad karma you will accrue.

Comment below -- How have you been burned by a Pisces? How would you get back at him?

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Labels: astrology, pisces

This query seems to imply that Pisces men are passive ... so passive that they wait for their partner to end the relationship. Putting aside the fact that the Pisces man has nine other planets in his chart making however many angles to each other, it is true that Pisces is not exactly Mr. Action. He is more likely to dream about alternate realities in his relationship -- or about his dream man or woman -- than to be pro-active about making a change.

Part of the problem -- if we may call it that -- is Pisces' ability to go with the flow, to accept his circumstances. Pisces transcends, after all. And if reality gets too difficult -- if it imposes its hard edges into his soft-focused life -- he may deal with conflict by drinking or daydreaming or escaping one way or another.

Pisces may also martyr himself, choosing to stay unhappy and perceive himself as the poor victim of circumstance over shaking the boat and putting an end to his unhappiness in the relationship.

But, my dear querent, why are you waiting for him to end it?

Labels: astrology, pisces