What does a Scorpio girl got to do to get Cancer back?
So the Scorpion hurt the Crab, and she wants to lure the Crab back so that she can hurt him again? I know, I know, you didn't mean to (or you couldn't help yourself). But remember that Cancer is even more vulnerable than you. You both can hide it well -- Cancer withdraws into his shell to protect himself, and you are master of keeping your private life secret -- but poor Cancer is just so sensitive. Ruled by the emotional Moon, he doesn't live by Scorpio's "I don't get mad, I get even" M.O. Rather, his is, "I get hurt, I curl up on my couch with my dog and a bag of chips and watch football." (A female Cancer may do the same, but with a pint of ice cream and the Lifetime Channel.)
So, how is he going to trust you again? Security and safety are important to Cancer, so he's not gonna open himself up to you unless he knows you won't bite. He can forgive -- he's aware that moods fluctuate, and that people do regretful things when under the spell of their emotions.
Can you be a safe harbor to him, equal to his dog, remote and chips? That's questionable. You can be consistent -- that is, until the Plutonic force of change irrevocably alters your course, compelling you to burn all your bridges on the way to your new destination. That sounds a little too intense for Cancer -- he doesn't even want to cross the bridge.
So what does a Scorpio girl got to do?
Listen, you should be able to work this out. You're both Water signs -- you "get" each other when it comes to brewing in your feeling-worlds. You can be incredibly persistent when you're driven to accomplish something. If you can convince him -- as well as yourself -- that no matter how turbulent your inner life becomes, you'll still apply your Martian will towards stabilizing the home front, then he might let you back in. But, hey -- there are no guarantees. You're a Scorpio, after all.
Comment below: Are you a Scorpio? How have you gotten your Cancer back?
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posted by Jeffrey Kishner at 12/28/2006
59 Comments:
"There are no guarantees, you're a Scorpio, after all"?
Har. Sorry, Jeffrey, but that line made me laugh. So true. But do all Scorpios hurt people?
As someone with Cancer rising, I can forgive (damn Pisces Moon) but do it once more and you will never hear from me again. I can be colder than the iceberg that sank the Titanic.
No, I don't think all Scorpios hurt people. A few rotten eggs give them all a bad rap. But it does take integrity to be a Scorpio and not act out one's darkness on other poor souls.
As far as being stung twice ... I think self-preservation is a useful instinct.
"No, I don't think all Scorpios hurt people. A few rotten eggs give them all a bad rap. But it does take integrity to be a Scorpio and not act out one's darkness on other poor souls."
Why do you think that is? I've always wondered about that. Can you talk about it a little more in-depth like on Lunar Tunes?
Marly,
I think it has to do with Scorpio's understanding of Power and their ability to pick up on that which is hidden in people's psyches. Scorpio knows how to hurt people because they know what darkness we carry in our hearts. The problem only occurs when a Scorpio is not aware of her own garbage -- or feels defensive about it -- in which case she projects the refuse of her soul onto others and attacks them for it. Scorpios can be master manipulators or transformational psychotherapists (or a little bit of both) -- what matters is their level of awareness and whether they use their powers for Good or Evil.
When I dated a cancer and accidentally hurt him, he was very receptive to honesty. They can feel when you are lying, even to yourself.
I'm a Scorpio girl married to a Capricorn (you know I wear the pants! ha ha)whose best friend is a guy who is a Cancer. We are like brother and sister but can piss each other off badly. He likes to tease and tease and when I finally have enough and lash out at him he acts hurt.
Then I have this Cancer woman who I work with and she's horrible. Gossipy, backstabbing, nosy, overbearing, untrusting, annoying... I could go on and on. She is basically the typical busybody and universally disliked.
I'm an ok scorpio, I can be the most violent volcano of rage and I can be a little angel... ok maybe not be, but act like it. ;)
Scorpios rule.
Ahhh. I'm a cancer and have been in relationship with a scorpio for 2 years - finally going to be living together in 2 months... Early on he lied to me about spending time with an ex, then told me about it afterward. I was livid and very hurt. I decided, forget this guy, I can never trust him to tell me the truth and if I marry him I'm just going to get screwed over and lied to again down the line.
I really don't know how he got me back. Maybe I'm just insane. I guess I forgave him because he told me the truth out of nowhere... I never would have found out about the time they spent together, so I started to respect the fact that he decided to tell me on his own accord.
He has hurt me on other occasions with harsh things he's said in anger during arguments, but he is so affectionate at other times that I just accept it as part of his opinionated personality and try to realize that I shouldn't say the things that piss him off in the first place. I usually start the arguments and he ends them.
A reply to the honesty comment posted below - very true. I'm a cancer and can tell when my scorpio boyfriend is lying. Even when I don't call him on it, he admits it later. Even about the lying to himself part.
There seems to be a theme in this thread about Scorpios and lying. I wonder if they feel the need to keep some secrets to themselves. It can be a form of power, to not let your partner know everything about you. That, or to protect oneself from the vulnerability of being totally exposed.
Geez... Im a Libra woman and you are in love with a Cancer man.. we had a whirlwind romance and now he won't even return my emails or text messages ?? What is wrong with him ?? I don't think I even hurt the poor little crab.. should I be consistently emailing him or leaving him alone ? any thoughts.. oh by the way.. he has a Sag moon and I have a virgo moon
ilona,
A Cancer man with a Sag moon may retreat into his shell when he feels emotionally overwhelmed, and also experience the urge to flee, with the ruler of his Sun sign in Sagittarius. Being barraged by emails and text messages may raise red flags for him. Try giving him some space, and see what happens.
well, i had a relationship with a cancer...things were up and down all the time...he was very moody and whenever he was down he acted as if it was my fault...anyways...i have never seen him hurt and now that it is the 3rd and final time we broke up, he seriously does not care about me...and is not bothered at all....i am a scorpio and i am supposed to be the strong one, the not so emotional but i find that the cancerians are truly unemotional....
Scorpios are intensely emotional. Your Cancer may appear unemotional, but it could be that he has been hiding beneath his crab shell all this time, and has been defensive.
Anyways, it's probably best to not feel you have to be so strong right now.
well..unfortunately i miss him..do you htink i should contact him? im afraid he takes me fro granted....cos even though he starts an argument i always finish it..but weeks later i call back and we are fine...im just fed up of doing that...i want to see what he thinks of me...(i am a scorpio and he is a cancerian)
OK so its resorted to this. Me Miss Virgo, just recently started dating a Cancer man. We have been long time friends but the romantic connection is so very strong, at least for me anyway. Talk about romance. He knows exactly what to say and do. He broke up with some one about 3 months ago. He went so far as to change his phone numbers and moved and doesnt care that she cant reach him. I knew she hurt him because he would come crying to me to often. Never in a million years did I think we would be dating!!! At times he can get moody and the predictable Virgo that I am cant take those mood swings. This is sort of weird because we were friends first and never in a million years did I think we would be going out on dates. He knew my boyfriend and I knew his girlfriend. I dont want to ruin our friendship by going to the next level in the relationship but he is persistant and I must admit that I am willing. Should I just call it off now to save our friendship? The thought of him being with some one else would kill me however, even though we have never been sexually involved.
signed - Miss worried Virgo
Miss Virgo,
I've answered.
Hi, I'm a Cancerian girl. This is how it works for me. I can seem to be very unemotional until I can "trust" that I'm not going to get hurt. Also, I have no time for whingers who do not help themselves. If someone is in genuine need of care...then I am there. Because Cancer can read people extemely well, we can pick up on people's intentions/personality almost immediately which can lead us to blocking that person almost without any reason if we pick up on any ill intention. Cancerians can read people in 5 seconds flat..no joke!. And for this reason we can come across as very rude also. By the same token, when we sense that someone has a genuine and good heart, we are very receptive to that person and will welcome them with open arms. When I have opened up to a person and then they later shut me down or hurt me, I will retreat. I will still like that person, but I will be scared of getting hurt again. I will tread the water and keep testing it until I can be 150% sure this time that I wont get hurt again. This means that the other person involved will have to try twice as hard as before to make me feel safe with them. I know it sounds like hard work. but if you wound a Cancer, you will have to work damn hard to get them to trust you again. you will get their trust again, just keep persisting...you will seem them give a bit then retreat, give a bit and then retreat...this is just testing the water...once they have done this enough and feel that is safe, they will be all yours again. Good luck!
For the Cancerian woman describing her relationships and trust issues--thank you form describng the fact that you will shut down when ou sense something is wrong--because although I've loved many a Cancer , this one particular Cancer I know now, while not a boyfriend will behave as thoughhe cares in that way, and when we had big conlficts for a while, our rapport had never returned to how it was.
I too can sense when something is nto right, and when someone is dishonest with me--but I on the other hand always want to talk and find out what is going on.(btw, can you guess *my* sign then, LOL)Bet Jeffrey can.
In any event,I never have related to the business of shutting down like Cancers do.
I still don't quite get his feelings towards me, but I can understand better now,thanks to you that he is feeling some distrust and maybe some fear of the disagreements, and hostilities we'd had.
What I do wan to ay thogh to Cancer lady, is that is it always fair to assume you know what someone is feeling, and etc?
That can be an ego trip in itself.
I know I've done it.
But, this Cancer fellow even said one time"Oh, I can read you like a book" when I'd had some very disturbing news.
Well, uqite frankly, I was not hding my distress--and he often misinterpets my outward expression--esp. if he feels threatened.
Therefore whle he may definitely sense when something is wrong, and maybe the nature of it--he has been wrong many times.
You might consider it like this yourself then- that you *do* pick up something very important, yes.
But what you think it is, and is about may be way off.
Hone your intution, and listen before you assume.
Make sense?:-)
No, all Scorpios are not rotten, certainly not.
however I must say, my close woman friend is a double Scorpio,with Capricorn moon-she is absolutely withering with her *look*, let alone anything else, when she is feeling betrayed and/or is angry.
NOT fun.
best to avoid.
Taurus's can be worse in a way when enraged-[think raging bull], but Scorpios are vicious when crossed. :-0.
Taurus ++++++++will rush the red flag we've waved but no underlying cruelty shows up, i m experience.
my girl is a scorpio and im cancerian. we love each other so much. i dont think all scorpios are evil and like to fight back.
"As someone with Cancer rising, I can forgive (damn Pisces Moon) but do it once more and you will never hear from me again. I can be colder than the iceberg that sank the Titanic."
LOL @ you Marly!! You're hilarious. I am the same way, so I understand the iceberg freeze.
I'm a Cancer with Scorpio moon (I know, I know).
I would say my first instinct when I'm angry at someone or they hurt me is to strike back and do the same thing back or worse. Sometimes I give in to this reflex, but most of the time I choose not to do that.
Scorpio, whether or not your Cancer will take you back depends on what you did exactly to hurt him. Cancers can be slow to forgive but if you approach us in the right way (the perfect combo of patience, remorse, sincerity, persistence), the vault will open. :)
Well for me there was a time when Cancer was the last sign i even knew about or even paid attention to due to not growing up with any most of my girls were air and earth and fire signs come to think of it i did not even know about the other water sign either thats Pisces. Supprisingly thats who im most compatible with, when meet them i could see exactly why.Why am i rambbling ill get straight to the point.
Supprisingley i ended up Meeting a Cancer very young now out of the blue through a hook up was unexpected. From the day i met him trust me im not lying a instant attraction how do Cancers do that. Made me melt and when i got to know him he was very rude you know a player player but was for some reason really serious about me so anyway as i had been in a relationship before and was played i was very distant having good reasons to be this was something he knew but nerver knew too much as i dont like to chat about rubbish i left behind once i have a knew interest (If i was a bit more open and explained more the full story then he probabley would have understood me ). There goes me and my secretive ways again.
Ok so i began to like him more &more down the line but i never showed him that why? Afraid to let my guards down you know all laid back and that, but the joke is he gives up too easily, not atleast twice the fight as a Pisces Male ladies you know the pisces can follow us to the end of the earth.
All in all i did let the Cancer down a couple times but it was so pettie and because of that he completely gone i must say i was a bit supprised i dont usually get that rejection.
So i did some analysing tried my best to change into a better person and became totally set to win him back kind of like Love and Basketball ahh my favourite movie but not so dramatic just by letting him know that we were made for each other and being with somebody else was a bad move, because im the one made for him and cant nobody can change that. But it was nicely said, but he let me act a fool chased him can you beleive it anybody that knows me knows i dont do that for anyone it is usually the other way arround. And you know what in the end did i get him back no.
It took me time to get over him as much as he was forgiving he liked the fact that i felt the way he did when he was doing the chasing and so manipulative and rude all that for nothing and he never gave me another chance. I guarantee i had to go back to my old ways i will never do that again i dont know who he thought he was for a Second some King like i have to tricks to get him back i dont think so cheek . Asking me if i have changed and learnt my lesson yeah have learnt my lesson love is a loosing Game for me, and i preffer to stay clear of Cancers in future and advice all other Scorpios to do so if you dont want be dwelling you poor head in regets all stressed out and exhausted. I dont want to be hooked like that for no one again to dis and reject me ever again. Cause im a cutie and i dont deserve that im better than that.
Hope this was life lesson to all humourous and helpfull advice from my experience please stay clear.
I'm sorry, this line had me cracking up:
i preffer to stay clear of Cancers in future and advice all other Scorpios to do so if you dont want be dwelling you poor head in regets all stressed out and exhausted.
Yea, Cancers can leave you stressed out with our sideways moves and hard shells. Btw, Love and Basketball is one of my favorite movies, too. :) Now that I think about it, the movie had quite a few Scorpionic overtones, dealing with competition, jealousy, emotional manipulation, physical challenge, transformation of the spirit/personality/relationship of both of the lead characters, their stubbornness/win at all costs attitudes leading to loss. The last basketball match between them was very Scorpionic, too. It felt like if she lost, she would die. So symbolic. I can see why you would relate to the movie. ;) Unfortunately, life isn't always made of happy endings like in the movies, though. Immature Cancers are heartbreakers. They (we?) can make you fall in love and think you're making progress when you really aren't. I try to stay conscious of that now...
Love and Basketball the male lead actor Omar Epps is a Cancer coincidence a Cancer to just do that movie.
I am Scorpio Female, Cancer male I was dating. confused...
Everything moved like a snail at first then we were together every day...Everything was great till...
Mind you we both had ex's that continued to call us and text message at mid 30's was a bit odd for me. Cancer Male is older than I but could keep up with me. NICE.
Well the only problem that made me step back is about 3 mos into the relationship he'd have these so called "sleep attacks" disappear and no phone call etc.. for 18 hours at a time like once a week.
Well hello I am not stupid as much as he'd had like to think I bought the B.S. but I kept an open mind due to the wonderful connection I just stayed cautious.
Well about a week ago my stinger just lost it and I spoke my mind when he phoned one night and said I think he is full of it and hung up on him.
We were supposed to do coffee the following morning so Me being me I felt I was a little harsh. I text him "do you want to have coffee?".
No response since...
Cancer male born July 21., I believe is a Libra rising? Anywho, Me I am a November 7th baby.
Revenge humm of course that crossed my mind, I didn't let my pride get the best of me I thought long and hard and gave in and phoned "right to voice mail" I left a calm message with my feelings and that he could at least have some consideration to say hey it's over and get all this crappy feelings out of the way. Still no response. And why do I feel like I 'd let him back duhhh not my nature I usually don't care. HELP with advice why the silence why not be a man and say it for what it is .. I have to assume the silence is the answer.
Now feeling like a fool for doing so because I thought cancer people like if you show feelings, I was sincere in my message now I am plain out to high in my pride and just can't believe it wasn't the real deal.
Cancer's humm way to over sensitive and controlling is the question. Also, he had made comments I was to pretty for him, and he is a nice looking guy. Confused for now. Any feed back is appreciated.
I need your advice. I am a Scorpio girl and I met a Cancer boy... A common friend said he would be a good point of reference contact for me.
He was a really nice guy. In fact we had so much in common, hobbies, perspective on life, love of the ocean (hahaha).
I often have male friends and keep them simply that...male friends.
i am married, but will probably change soon....thought he knew...but he did not until the 4th day or 5th...anyway...we still spent lots of time together. He included me in so many parts of his everyday life, friends, family, hobbies, social occasions...etc...he was ALWAYS the perfect gentlemen....
It did occur to me that this guy was the person that I always believed never existed.
My own life was still (and for a long time) has been in limbo. I need to clean up everything in that area but it is easier said than done.
I do not think that relationships end because of someone else...they end because they end....
Anyway, I valued him as a person so much that I wanted to at the minimum keep his friendship.
Since we never had a physical relationship I thought it would be easier to do.
Problem is that he will no longer talk to me or respond to any of my emails. Absolutely no response.
How does a person (Cancer male) go from bringing a new friend into so many aspects of his life dear to him - family, childhood friends, home etc....simply just cut off all ties???
It has been 7 months since I last heard anything at all from him.
It is like we broke up without having ever gone out!
How will he talk to me again?
It seems clear that he cut it off the moment he found out you were married.
He is looking for the long-term perhaps, as Cancer often does, and not a short-term affair.
This is good. He is a good guy.
And you are a good girl. Just in the middle of a lot of bad stuff.
Your comment,
"I do not think that relationships end because of someone else...they end because they end"
is very wise.
However you must keep in mind that sometimes relationships end before they have a chance to get off the ground. Your case with the Cancer, in particular.
You must close the casket on your dead marriage, bury the corpse and clear out of the cemetary before inviting someone new into your life!
I wish you all the best, sincerely, because it sounds like you had a good connection with this guy.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
One thing though....after he found out that I was married (he asked me whom exactly x was because I kept mentioning him from time to time), we still continued to spend time together (where he brought me along to his family home, friends weekend etc. but we never crossed the line..e.g. holding hands, kiss, etc.)
We really just respected each other as people. Truth be told after the first week that I spent with him, I thought to myself, "my ideal person really does exist..he is not just my imagination".
We just kept spending time together because it was just so normal.
But you are absolutely right. I need to clear up my past, only it has not been so easy. Sometimes it has been so easy..but when I think about the years that we have been together, I think...you have to try harder, you cannot just walk away so easily. We separated then tried again and now I have given myself a timeline to really decide.
Despite sending him maybe an email a month..the "hi, how are you" jun, july, sept, plus "I have always valued your friendship..all I have ever wanted for you is for you to be happy"...to absolutely no reply....
i have not tried any contact since then...at least not until I clear up my current life.
But I did include him in an friends email xmas greeting...no reply either.
I will be back in his city in a week.. (previously in Sept I was out with another male friend and one of his acquaintances asked me where he was...alot of people thought we were a couple). That also is terrible because everyone knows him so I look bad even with just platonic friends....see a relationship without have had the relationship!
Should I try to say hello...or just wait until my life is completely in order?
Part of me feels like I should still keep trying...at the minimum to still have his friendship..he has totally cut me off and is "in his shell"...part of me says to let him be....
How should I approach him?
p.s. I actually asked him twice in an email and twice in a voice mail what happened to our friendship and why he refuses to talk, write or see me...no answer.
:( very sad
Perhaps he is involved with someone else.
Or, perhaps he has changed e-mail addresses and doesn't bother checking his old one anymore (I have done this!)
I have thought of that...seeing someone else (everywhere we went girls were throwing themselves at him...everyone knows him and his set of friends that I also know are definitely the playboy types...but he was the only one in a long term relationship)....
Another dear friend of mine (whom happens to be a friend of his brothers) said that he was seeing someone last Sept...but they are three brothers... but this was also the friend that I was with when my non-speaking friend's friend/acquaintance asked me where my non-speaking friend was? - with a disapproving glance at my friend.
So when I told him in an email in Sept that I heard that he was seeing someone and that i was happy for him and that all I ever wanted was for him to be happy and at peace..but that our friendship meant alot to me and we should not have to stop talking because of that...
no answer.
He has not changed his email because I can see that he reads my emails... :(
I understand that it was complicated because I was married and yet he brought me everywhere and I met basically most people in his life...parents, brothers, childhood friends, friends from social and hobbies...I know that everyone thought we were seeing each other (I heard this from another friend whom also knows him when he asked me if I was the person that everyone was talking about)....
for about two weeks, we were only apart for a few hours during the day..even after he knew i was married (because we have so many things, hobbies, sports, social circles, etc.)
anyway....unfortunately we travel in small circles.
since we agreed that we thought each other was special and valued our friendship...which I told a multiple times...how can you just walk away??
he opened his home and his family to me, then just shut it?
Now I will be back in town again and I do not know how to approach this....
oh....I did tell him in an email in sept (after I congratulated him on finding someone but that we should not stop being friends), with no reply.
A week later, my very last personal one, wrote again and told him if the reason that he stopped talking to me was because of my husband, but that we were now separated and that I would come back to him after I organized that part of my life, but that for now I needed to focus on my professional career but I would come back when all was settled...if it mattered to him...
no answer..
should I try once more?
Thank you so much for your advice...I really appreciate it.
A fellow member on this site, Shakti, just posted a comment on a thread related to Cancers, and how to get them back, and if they ever come back. Very timely! Here it is . . .
Reply by Shakti 3 hours ago
I also wonder how you know when a Cancer stops liking you....
I guess the answer would be another disappearing act. The thing you would need to take note of is if the Crab suddenly is never able to meet up with you for some reason or another.. and I mean never! Even after inviting them for quite a long period of time. This is particularly obvious if, in the past, there were few (or no) reasons not to meet up.
Or, depending on the context of how you got booted out of his/her affections, you could just get demoted to stranger-status. You'll notice an emotional distance there, because it's thicker than the guard that was up when you were getting to know the Crab. If you try to be pry your way back in, you'll probably get an evasive, impatient, or mean response.
It literally is like being locked out of a house.
I'm certainly no expert, but these are just a few examples of when you can assume that you've been kicked out.
There are a number of other responses from various contributors on this thread, which will certainly be of interest to you concerning your question. Here it is:
http://seductioncentral.ning.com/forum/topic/show?id=797208%3ATopic%3A42402&page=1
And here is Michael's response, also worthy of merit:
The worst Cancers will retreat into their shell like a game, not necessarily because they feel like doing so, but because they use your reaction to judge you. A good Cancer, providing you're honest with them, will trust their instincts and yours, and let you talk them out of their shell.
They don't like rejection, nor does anyone, but a bad Cancer will never be able to nurture themselves so they can heal and care for others, which is their best quality. A Cancer like this can really run the risk of becoming incredibly superficial, and places these superficial desires on other people, hoping that they'll find happiness. But if they can't look within themselves to overcome that stubborn streak, sometimes admit how they really feel, they'll never know what caring is and they'll never grow. That shell protects but they can also let it shut themselves out of their own hearts.
If you're willing to understand these things and have a lot of patience, Cancer could be a very caring partner...good luck =)
Thank you for the links! I definitely felt like I was "kicked out of the house"....but because of the emphasis on the friendship part, that was what I did not understand.
His friends are important to him...as mine are to me...I thought that even if we could not be together, why could we not just keep our friendship...
Part of my felt like it was a test (since I have been viewed by others as the kind of person that does whatever she wants to do, goes where she wants, regardless of whatever anyone says or thinks...husbands included!)...
I feel like I lost a best friend.
During the short time that we were together, he really "got" me...my Scorpio moods, my reactions, good and bad, he knew exactly how to handle them.
One of the first things he said to me when we first met was, "you are almost as crazy as my horse" ( she is a very temperamental horse but he adores his horse)...many people think he is a "horse whisperer" because he can related on that unspoken level....
ironically enough, the "superhorse" of the city...this amazing crazy stallion...loved me.
So much so that he said,"it took his owner over a year to get that bond that you got in one afternoon"....so even if I am a much more expressive and outwardly agressive type of person, I do have my Cancer rising side.
anyway...ironically enough, after I left his city, he stopped showing his adored little horse and did not ride for the rest of the year or in the nationals...
ironic?
anyway...even if we could not have the relationship because of my marital situation, I thought we valued and respected each other enough as friends.
I now hate that I will have to be back in his city and everyone sees me as the bad guy.
Even our mutual friend, that introduced us, now is not speaking to me.
It is sort of hypocritical that guys can have lots or friends in different cities, go out, have fun, and yet if a girl does that...she is too carefree???
oh wait...one more p.s.
he did tell me that I "brought out the best in him" but I said it was because that was the kind of special person that he was, he said, "no sometimes I am in a dark place and I stay there"...
now that I am beginning to understand the Cancer sign aspect of things it all makes sense.
if I was not married, it would not have been more straight forward.
the hardest part is that once you have developed such a bond and connection with a person...even if just as a friend, it is not so easy to just cut off.
...but his silence makes me really mad and then I think..."why should i care".....
I'm a cancer female and one thing I know about cancers is that we want what we can't have...hold on let me finish some may disagree but part of our vindictive nature is to ignore and shut out those who hurt us. We get in such a fantasy world sometimes when reality hits ie. your being married is a major blow. Calling and sending e-mails constantly is just vindication for us. In each relationship I ended I pretended the other person fell off the earth and I was confused and annoyed that they continued to contact me. The only way to keep this up if I still have feelings for the person is to avoid them physically because intimacy is like kryptonite to my shell. When I did go against this it was for a cancer male who stopped calling me so if you want our attention ignore us and we will come around. be careful though because we will eventually get our revenge!
Thank you for your insight. Ironically enough, today was a day....after a months, that I think I felt that he actually wanted to talk to me - we have this online group thing where all our friends can see/not see if we are there (I was thinking that he would cut me out from his group, but he didn't)...anyway...i did send a mass xmas card and mass valentine's card which received no reponse from him...but then again, it was a generic card that gave no personal indication of my feelings whatsoever. Today, I actually sent one of his brothers an short email commenting on something and my non speaking friend actually stayed with his contact access on....for a few hours, something he does not normally do....
I was sooo tempted to send him an email, but since he did not write anything to me...I did the same.
I know that he has tons of female friends, and females throw themselves at him constantly...I saw it with my very own eyes. But that was what was so great... we went everywhere together...
But the world is a big place, full of a zillon other guys....but he really is a very special person....Anyway, can't decide what I will actually do when I am back in the city where he lives....but first and most importantly I need to make sure my life is in order...
What do you mean by "we will eventually get our revenge"?
oh but who knows...maybe he just doesn't care at all anymore and it is all my imagination....but what I still do not get is how you can "bring someone into the family fold" and everywhere else in your life...then just cut them out...not explanation...absolutely nothing... sigh ;(
I hope I’m not too late with this reply, it just saddens me for you to think he doesn’t care or that you imagined the entire bond.
I say this with intention to provide another angle to this situation. I can’t guarantee this is the reason why, though there is one other reason why a Crab might pull a Houdini on you:
It’s a very cruel, cowardly way to ‘solve’ a situation, but if having feelings for you brings out an overwhelming sense of guilt in him, that could be one explanation as to why he has withdrawn. Pretending you don’t exist makes it easier for him to pretend any of it ever happened.
I don’t think the reason will be because he never genuinely liked you. To the contrary, it sounds like you had quite a connection going on.. but sometimes the guilt of liking or being involved with someone can often outweigh the density of a Crab’s actual affections. Now, it takes a lot of guilt to overwhelm a Crab’s heart!! Though it’s probably hard to believe at this point, Cancerians do have feelings, and they feel them ever-so-deeply.
However in that sense I do find it more than a little odd he’d react for this reason, since you two were never physical. It’s possible he could value emotional fidelity (was he by chance involved with someone too, by the way?) as much as physical fidelity, but it’s also very likely he’s just being a prick and didn’t want to give you the wrong idea, hoping his murky actions would speak loud enough so he wouldn’t have to.
Once one has ‘disappeared’, even if you desperately want to talk to the person.. you won’t. Because once you’ve dug yourself that nice little hole where you hide and wait for the issue to blow over.. if you come out a moment too early (as in, while the person still remembers your name), not only will the problem have magnified, but there’ll be a torrent of questions as to why this person was at the receiving end of an inappropriate silence.
I think ‘retreat’ is the word most fitted for this behaviour?
Even if this is the case, I don’t really know what you can do. Perhaps you can contact him when you’re a free woman? Emailing him frequently could turn that (possible) guilt to resentment.
I hope I’m not too late with this reply, it just saddens me for you to think he doesn’t care or that you imagined the entire bond.
I say this with intention to provide another angle to this situation. I can’t guarantee this is the reason why, though there is one other reason why a Crab might pull a Houdini on you:
It’s a very cruel, cowardly way to ‘solve’ a situation, but if having feelings for you brings out an overwhelming sense of guilt in him, that could be one explanation as to why he has withdrawn. Pretending you don’t exist makes it easier for him to pretend any of it ever happened.
I don’t think the reason will be because he never genuinely liked you. To the contrary, it sounds like you had quite a connection going on.. but sometimes the guilt of liking or being involved with someone can often outweigh the density of a Crab’s actual affections. Now, it takes a lot of guilt to overwhelm a Crab’s heart!! Though it’s probably hard to believe at this point, Cancerians do have feelings, and they feel them ever-so-deeply.
However in that sense I do find it more than a little odd he’d react for this reason, since you two were never physical. It’s possible he could value emotional fidelity (was he by chance involved with someone too, by the way?) as much as physical fidelity, but it’s also very likely he’s just being a prick and didn’t want to give you the wrong idea, hoping his murky actions would speak loud enough so he wouldn’t have to.
Once one has ‘disappeared’, even if you desperately want to talk to the person.. you won’t. Because once you’ve dug yourself that nice little hole where you hide and wait for the issue to blow over.. if you come out a moment too early (as in, while the person still remembers your name), not only will the problem have magnified, but there’ll be a torrent of questions as to why this person was at the receiving end of an inappropriate silence.
I think ‘retreat’ is the word most fitted for this behaviour?
Even if this is the case, I don’t really know what you can do. Perhaps you can contact him when you’re a free woman? Emailing him frequently could turn that (possible) guilt to resentment.
I hope I’m not too late with this reply, it just saddens me for you to think he doesn’t care or that you imagined the entire bond.
I say this with intention to provide another angle to this situation. I can’t guarantee this is the reason why, though there is one other reason why a Crab might pull a Houdini on you:
It’s a very cruel, cowardly way to ‘solve’ a situation, but if having feelings for you brings out an overwhelming sense of guilt in him, that could be one explanation as to why he has withdrawn. Pretending you don’t exist makes it easier for him to pretend any of it ever happened.
I don’t think the reason will be because he never genuinely liked you. To the contrary, it sounds like you had quite a connection going on.. but sometimes the guilt of liking or being involved with someone can often outweigh the density of a Crab’s actual affections. Now, it takes a lot of guilt to overwhelm a Crab’s heart!! Though it’s probably hard to believe at this point, Cancerians do have feelings, and they feel them ever-so-deeply.
However in that sense I do find it more than a little odd he’d react for this reason, since you two were never physical. It’s possible he could value emotional fidelity (was he by chance involved with someone too, by the way?) as much as physical fidelity, but it’s also very likely he’s just being a prick and didn’t want to give you the wrong idea, hoping his murky actions would speak loud enough so he wouldn’t have to.
Once one has ‘disappeared’, even if you desperately want to talk to the person.. you won’t. Because once you’ve dug yourself that nice little hole where you hide and wait for the issue to blow over.. if you come out a moment too early (as in, while the person still remembers your name), not only will the problem have magnified, but there’ll be a torrent of questions as to why this person was at the receiving end of an inappropriate silence.
I think ‘retreat’ is the word most fitted for this behaviour?
Even if this is the case, I don’t really know what you can do. Perhaps you can contact him when you’re a free woman? Emailing him frequently could turn that (possible) guilt to resentment.
I hope I’m not too late with this reply, it just saddens me for you to think he doesn’t care or that you imagined the entire bond.
I say this with intention to provide another angle to this situation. I can’t guarantee this is the reason why, though there is one other reason why a Crab might pull a Houdini on you:
It’s a very cruel, cowardly way to ‘solve’ a situation, but if having feelings for you brings out an overwhelming sense of guilt in him, that could be one explanation as to why he has withdrawn. Pretending you don’t exist makes it easier for him to pretend any of it ever happened.
I don’t think the reason will be because he never genuinely liked you. To the contrary, it sounds like you had quite a connection going on.. but sometimes the guilt of liking or being involved with someone can often outweigh the density of a Crab’s actual affections. Now, it takes a lot of guilt to overwhelm a Crab’s heart!! Though it’s probably hard to believe at this point, Cancerians do have feelings, and they feel them ever-so-deeply.
However in that sense I do find it more than a little odd he’d react for this reason, since you two were never physical. It’s possible he could value emotional fidelity (was he by chance involved with someone too, by the way?) as much as physical fidelity, but it’s also very likely he’s just being a prick and didn’t want to give you the wrong idea, hoping his murky actions would speak loud enough so he wouldn’t have to.
Once one has ‘disappeared’, even if you desperately want to talk to the person.. you won’t. Because once you’ve dug yourself that nice little hole where you hide and wait for the issue to blow over.. if you come out a moment too early (as in, while the person still remembers your name), not only will the problem have magnified, but there’ll be a torrent of questions as to why this person was at the receiving end of an inappropriate silence.
I think ‘retreat’ is the word most fitted for this behaviour?
Even if this is the case, I don’t really know what you can do. Perhaps you can contact him when you’re a free woman? Emailing him frequently could turn that (possible) guilt to resentment.
Wow, okay, MAJOR posting error there! Sorry for so many repeat posts, that really wasn't done on purpose!
Thank you so much for your posting! I seriously sometimes have to ask myself if I imagined everything....but I don't think I did at all.
That was the one thing that he did with me, brought me and introduced to me to every part of his life (childhood, family, sailing friends, riding friends, etc.)....something he usually kept separate. Except somehow he always brought me everywhere...that was why everyone thought we were a couple. We simply just fit.
(He was not seeing anyone...although I definitely saw that a few girls were def. interested in him).
He did have an ex-girlfriend that he broke up with about 10 months before we met and he refused to talk to her too...that is what I do not get, what did I do? We were never physically intimate, eventhough we were inseparable were almost two weeks.
I was not his girlfriend (although I really believe that we connected on a level that was almost surreal)so why would he just cut me out and make me disappear? :(
The guilt part makes sense since he is such an honorable person....a complete gentleman ( I know...this sounds so cliche and naive but I have tons of male friends and that is what made him so special).
So much that even if we were only just friends, it would be ok because he is such an amazing person...
except now this shut me out, not speak to me bs gets on my nerves, but somehow I understand it??
When I am back in his city how should I approach this?
But you are right...I must first put things in order before anything else can even begin to begin!
I thought the "keeping things platonic and the friendship speech" was a good thing to say.
Dearest Shakti...Thanks sooo much for listening!
p.s. again to the above post....when i see/speak/am in contact with his friends or brothers....how am i supposed to react? not mention him (which i have not)
...plus remember that when i am with a very dear friend of mine (guy) sometimes...everyone gives me this "why are you with him?" and where is (the one who won't speak to me anymore)....like i did something wrong...
To the Anon who's Cancer has retreated:
After reading all of your posts, I feel a need to give my input. Its so heartbreaking what you've been through, but I think you should also see how heartbroken he probably is as well.
I'm a Scorpio too and know quite a few Cancers (male and female) and in all of my experiences, Cancers are extremely sensitive to not only their feelings but even more so to others.
With everything you said, I really feel that he was falling in love with you, and because of that he wanted to be with you every second of the day (of course!). But he also knew (or felt) that he was not entitled to act on his feelings or able to continue it with you because of you being 'unavailable' to him. He felt that he would be the cause of your marriage breaking up and he didn't want to carry that guilt with him the rest of his life. So he left before he caused irreversible damage.
I think the way he saw it was that 'its better to love and lose than to never have loved at all'. He was developing intense emotions for you, but knew it would just not work for a few reasons:
1) Because you were married. (Big red stop sign in Cancerian eyes)
2) Because he felt guilty to be caught up in such a triangle.
3) Because, in the end, he wouldn't be able to trust you even IF you left your husband and developed a deeper bond with him instead.
If you would fall so quickly for him (even though you're married), what reason would he have to believe that you wouldn't betray or hurt him if you two became an item? (either then or in the future)
Cancers are very, very cautious creatures -- and even though their emotions can be so powerful that they end up in some place they never would have thought they'd be -- they will still eventually realize the danger present and start to retreat. Sometimes they retreat when they really don't want to, but because it would hurt someone if they didn't. (i.e. your husband)
He savored the time with you and will remember it forever (they always remember connections and love), but its too bitter-sweet for him to face. And he'd definitely have to face it head on if he spoke to you again.
So.. instead of telling you directly and 'ending' it with you officially (because it would be too painfully final for him), he's moving on with his memories of you and trying not to let this dig a deeper wound into his heart.
He's definitely handling this in a wise and graceful way... even if its confusing and frustrating to you.
I wish you peace in moving on yourself.. <333
Dear Anon,
Thank you for your insightful and kind post. I sometimes ask myself why I still even ask this question to myself?
What you said about his reasons for just taking himself completely out of the situation are pretty right on I think.
People have told me that you cannot know a person in just two weeks....but somehow, between a Scorpio and a Cancer I really believe that you will at least understand the core minimum...sure there might be a zillion other things still unknown, but the core of how two people "relate" to each other on that unspoken level..I think it is possible.
I know what you are saying about the "so quick to fall for someone...what about the next time" part.
That is the thing....I have lots of guy friends, but I have always kept them at exactly that...just friends...but I have just as many female friends as well. I just have been able to get along with guys well since childhood because of my personality and love of many different sports....so I can separate things.
...and yes, many of them are absolute playboy/casanova types but I have not let any of that trick me! Sure I have been tempted occasionally, but it always stayed at that...hahahaha
...but that said, I know that all the little guys have grown up and are now men...but I still have been able to keep things on that friendship ground.
Which is exactly why, despite my profound feelings for my non-speaking friend, I thought I could just keep him as a friend. :(
I have always believed that relationships end because they end - not because of anyone else.
I have been trying to try again in my marriage and sometimes wonder when and if I can just actually make things come full circle and end things - regardless of how I feel or have felt about someone else...because at the end of the day, my relationship with my husband has gone through so many years....but that relationship has so many of its problems which had nothing to do with my non-speaking friend and I am trying to work on it or end it based on solely that - the problems that the marriage itself has had for many years.
my husband is a very wonderful person too...but someone who despite all of his talents and intelligence has had many many years of problems partying and with substance abuse...and everyone tells me that I enable him...anyway...so you can see how this is a total separate issue and has nothing to do with my treasured, non speaking Cancer boy.
My non-speaking friend, who turned out to be such an amazing surprise reminded me just of exactly what it was that made me happy...and no matter how many guy friends and boyfriends I have had over the years, I have never met anyone like my non speaking Cancer friend who so completely "got me". It was as if the person I thought only existed in my dreams...really did exist.
What you pointed out (about his "retret") even highlights that exact thing - his incredible understanding and sense of honor...as much as it makes me really really mad that he cannot even just be my friend.
In the months while he first stopped talking to me, I always kept it casual....just the hi, how are you, i would like to hear how things are going for you because i value your friendship and your happiness matters to me..etc...
absolutely no replies...
then when I said that friend of his brother's said that he might be seeing someone...I wished him well....I told him that all I ever wanted was for him to be happy - with or without our friendship but that i hoped he was happy...nothing...
then later, when i separated from my husband, i finally told him (months after he first stopped talking to me)..and that i needed to focus on other things, career, self etc..but that if it mattered to him i would come back to him when i had organized my life...
still no answer...
so as a friend or as a possible relationship....just nothing.
i have tried to put him aside and i have gone on with everything else in my life...but i have found that i compare so much to him and how he would have done things....
it is now almost a year since i spent Easter with him and his family and friends...and no matter how much i have filled my life with friends, love and career, i still sit here and miss his friendship....
i know that the world is a big place - if i told you the extent of what my life has been like even in the past year it almost sounds unreal, amazing adventures, exotic places, travel, cultures, people....and i am grateful for my life and the gifts that i have had...
and my life has so many possibilities and scenarios that can play out...but sometimes there really is that person that is just so surreal. he is an extremely special person.
even if nothing more had happened, i would have been happy to just have had him still in my life.
i will try to forget what i felt for him and believed in him, in us...but since i am friends with some of his friends and everyone in his city still remembers he and i always being together.
insane, not even a kiss and we
still are dealing with something like this....:(
it will be hard to deal with this head on...in fact, thank god i have had to put off returning to his city over the past few months...but i will not be able to do that anymore..and i will be back there very soon as it is important for my company...
i am sorry that have gone on and on....your wisdom and understanding
are extremely appreciated.
How to react, I really couldn't tell you, since I don't completely understand the reasons behind his disappearance. If you want answers, I'd suggest asking (as little as possible) for basic answers from the friends. Do you think you will come across the Silent Cancer in person?
In the end, he wouldn't be able to trust you even IF you left your husband and developed a deeper bond with him instead.
This post was bang on the mark, and that sentence is also true, however I think she scores brownie points for not actually cheating. She didn't act upon her impulses.. so he should recognise that. (One would hope!)
As much as you are willing to be friends, perhaps he doesn't feel internally strong enough to manage a friendship with you.. especially if he's trying to overcome intense feelings for you.
Part of me feels like, 'you know what...the world is so big, why am I still even thinking of this?!!'.
Then I remember just what an amazing person he is.
I have deliberately avoided asking about him to any of his friends (I only once asked this good friend of mine, that is friends with his brother, but that was last Sept).
I have had an email here and there with his brother, but just the general hi, how are you. Even a short email with his older brother, but about non-related things.
I did mention once to his younger brother when he asked what my plans were and I told him I was in the city a few days, work related, then in the country, horse related, since his brother (non speaking Cancer) never lets me visit his horses anymore. His brother did not comment on that, but instead just told me that we would have drinks etc.
But two things...I have a whole set of friends in that city, that are not his friends and can be probably viewed as yet, "of course, she has friends everywhere", blah blah blah.
One of his best friends - a verifiable and extremely good looking casanova playboy type (the one that actually introduced us) and I are often in touch...but that is ok because I am friends with his sister, grandparents etc...so his playboy image does not really affect people's view of our friendship. After our adventurous Easter last year, this common friend sent me a very excited email about my past few weeks.....I just answered, "fabulous, fantastic etc....but no mention of non speaker!! other than that he is a sweetheart and kind person.
so I should discreetly ask around?
Yes, it is very possible to run into him, since I do know many of his friends and since they go to the same places it becomes inevitable....that is the hard part...the last time that I went with another friend (the one that is friends with his brother)...everyone asked me where non speaking Cancer was? and why I was there with him instead....
see I become the bad guy. :(
Part of me feels like, 'you know what...the world is so big, why am I still even thinking of this?!!'.
Then I remember just what an amazing person he is.
I have deliberately avoided asking about him to any of his friends (I only once asked this good friend of mine, that is friends with his brother, but that was last Sept).
I have had an email here and there with his brother, but just the general hi, how are you. Even a short email with his older brother, but about non-related things.
I did mention once to his younger brother when he asked what my plans were and I told him I was in the city a few days, work related, then in the country, horse related, since his brother (non speaking Cancer) never lets me visit his horses anymore. His brother did not comment on that, but instead just told me that we would have drinks etc.
But two things...I have a whole set of friends in that city, that are not his friends and can be probably viewed as yet, "of course, she has friends everywhere", blah blah blah.
One of his best friends - a verifiable and extremely good looking casanova playboy type (the one that actually introduced us) and I are often in touch...but that is ok because I am friends with his sister, grandparents etc...so his playboy image does not really affect people's view of our friendship. After our adventurous Easter last year, this common friend sent me a very excited email about my past few weeks.....I just answered, "fabulous, fantastic etc....but no mention of non speaker!! other than that he is a sweetheart and kind person.
so I should discreetly ask around?
Yes, it is very possible to run into him, since I do know many of his friends and since they go to the same places it becomes inevitable....that is the hard part...the last time that I went with another friend (the one that is friends with his brother)...everyone asked me where non speaking Cancer was? and why I was there with him instead....
see I become the bad guy. :(
additional footnote:
husband and I, I think....are finally going to end this once and for all..
I see.. when you asked around the first time, what kind of answers did you get? If the friends had his back, you probably wouldn't get a better response the second time 'round anyway. Although if you're goig to ask, you should assert your right to know what the deal is! If he disappeared on you as a lover (even in the emotional sense), okay, that's understandable.. but to disappear on you as a friend?? That at the very least deserves some kind of explanation.
I see.. when you asked around the first time, what kind of answers did you get? If the friends had his back, you probably wouldn't get a better response the second time 'round anyway. Although if you're goig to ask, you should assert your right to know what the deal is! If he disappeared on you as a lover (even in the emotional sense), okay, that's understandable.. but to disappear on you as a friend?? That at the very least deserves some kind of explanation.
Sorry to hear about you marriage, but if it's for the best..
Thank you for your kind words. It seems I know what the never ending question of is it over (with my husband). Everytime I think (and it has been time after time, year after year) that this is the last straw...this it finally it..my husband then promises to be better (not party so much), be a good husband, etc....He is an very loving and extremely loyal person, but this headache has been ongoing for the past 10 years....so much that everyone else wonders why I still deal with this....alot of it is love and the belief that people work things out, that people grow together and support each other....the other part is well...if after so many years, the partying issues and selfishness are still there, maybe they will never go away...
That is how my non speaking Cancer friend was the absolute opposite - he totally understood me and was able to make me not constantly stand on edge. Sure during the short two weeks, I was very emotional when I said goodbye to my favorite horse (I know I sound like I am 13 years old), he totally understood it..., I got mad at him and said my opinion about some females at a particular party who were absolute witches to me (but they were really inconsequential since no one else knows them!), I was nice, I was also a pain at times...and through all of this...he totally understood me. I could be myself. The last words we said to each other before I left was just a mutual appreciation of just how special he was and how special I was.
After all the years that I have had having many guy friends and a few boyfriends, I have never encountered someone who just so almost completely fit into my entire world and who I am.
I even told my husband about everything that we did, where we went, etc....because since he was only a friend, I did not feel that there was anything wrong with our friendship (but yes, in my heart, I knew that he really was the most unique person - for me, that I ever met). I was just happy to have him at least as a close friend.
Well....I never really asked his best friends about him, since then..As I mentioned, when his best friend that first introduced us and told me to call him, very excitedly asked me about my trip....I was very cool and non-committal about my non-speaking Cancer friend other than he was a really, really nice person.
The hard part about going back to his city, since everyone knew we were always together. So much that I could here things in the background of people asking about me and someone saying I was with him...etc.... (that was the difference with all the other females that I encountered, many of them, unless they were the childhood friends or sisters of childhood friends, were not in the different groups that he introduced me to and made me a part of...except me...or unless of course you were the girlfriend or wife.
But the inclusion with his family was really the big thing (and that his family did not know I was married) and he just brought me everywhere and I was so comfortable just staying with his father, brothers,etc...even if he was elsewhere, he just wanted me to be there...and all invitations from others to us...was always, "we cannot make it, or we will be there".
...the only thing that worried me a little was his mother separated many years ago from his father....she left them...and she is a Scorpio!!!!!
anyway...so know that I spend alot of time in the city where his younger brother lives, he knows indirectly about all my friends and ongoings there..so when I go back to his city, the question will be how to handle it?
Sometimes I am so mad, part of me just feels like...too bad, you blew it...you just disappeared and it is your lost....but then I know that I still would really like to know WHY....you are absolutely right, as a lover, it is understandable, but since we never even kissed (but yes, I truly believe in my heart I was given an amazing gift in my time with him) as a friend...that is why til this day I do not understand and do not know if I should still even try....
Similar to dry ice, antifreeze is a highly effective antidote to mediocrity.
lololol
the mirror has many faces
lololol
Dear First Degree,
Thanks for your input...please explain and expand your thoughts. I've often been told that I talk in riddles with double meanings (except here since I thought it was pretty straight forward). I would appreciate your insight.
@ First Degree Burn - interesting choice of username. I used the link that you put for "antifreeze"...and while I understand your reasoning and agree to a certain extent, the non-speaking person in question is a Cancer.
Since I was a teenager, I made it my business to develop into a "evolved" Scorpio. I am the Scorpio and while I am quite aware of my abilities to camoflauge my thoughts and visible facade to the world...that is the very thing with my non-speaking friend - I was able to completely be myself, not worry about how I reacted to things, did not need to play or camoflauge things and just simply be at peace....something that a Scorpion is not always used to.
Anyway, please expand on your mirror has many faces thoughts.
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